Finally, my body started responding—heart thumping as though it had just restarted, chugging along, picking up speed. Chills spread throughout my insides and manifested as a cold sweat on my skin. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I muttered through my hands, not moving, too afraid I’d pass out.
“Like I said, it’s just a theory …”
“Your theories blow,” I said weakly.
Shit, shit, shit.
“Maybe you should go home, get some rest. You want me to drive you?”
“No, I’m fine. I need to get to the office. I’ll be okay. Just give me a minute.” Or a million. I couldn’t believe what Aaron had said. I didn’t want to be a “completely different person.”
“Is there a way to test this theory?” I asked, finally lifting my head. “No Divine Beings for Dummies at the library?”
“Very funny. I don’t think so. There is no way to test it except to keep evolving like you are.” His black eyebrows drew together in deep consideration. “An old Elysian proverb claims that the more at peace you are, the closer to the divine you become. Perhaps try relaxing, putting yourself into a deep state of peace and calm, and then see if you can duplicate these random occurrences you’ve been having. I’ll research more on the First Ones myths. Perhaps then we’ll see a similarity or a pattern.”
“Okay.” I stood. “Thanks, Aaron.”
“You sure you don’t want to rest for a while? I can take you home.”
I’ve got a Druid King threatening to start a war with the jinn. And a psycho Adonai claiming to be the killer of Daya and the others, one whose next victim will be just for me, I wanted to say, but instead I said, “No, I’m fine.” I gave him a tight smile, seeing no need to fake it, and turned toward the exit, letting my feet carry me on wooden legs down the warehouse and out across the parking lot to my vehicle.
The drive to the station cleared my mind enough for me to realize that no matter what Aaron said, there was nothing I could do about it. I had to go on, do my job, take care of my kid, and take things day by day. And despite feeling like I wanted to check myself into the nearest mental hospital, that’s what I did. Because when it came right down to it, I really didn’t have a choice. People counted on me; I had to keep going. And when my mind kept going back to his words and thoughts of divine, mythological beings, I refocused; I pushed those thoughts aside, pulled into the back lot of Station One, parked my Tahoe, and hurried inside, heading toward the elevator.
I used the small rectangular card attached to my keychain and held the bar code up to the scanner near the elevator door. The scanner beeped and the elevator door slid open just as footsteps echoed down the main hall.
“Well, if it isn’t the tri-world reject.”
Seriously? My eyelids fluttered closed for a second. I wanted to laugh, toss my head back, and ask the universe if she had nothing better to do than to fuck up my morning. I mean, so far it had been a doozy, so why not add another bit of crap to the mix, right?
Slowly I spun around on my heel, not bothering to hide my distaste or the fact that I was screwing up my nose as though a foul smell had just wafted by. I should just go upstairs and ignore it, but ducking out of a confrontation wasn’t exactly my style.
“Hey, Asston.”
Ashton Perry, ITF detective and former coworker, fisted both hands at his sides as his narrow cheeks sprouted red, mottled patches and the superior sneer on his angular face grew by leaps and bounds.
It wasn’t a big secret that Mynogan had brought darkness to the city or that Hank and I had been part of the attempt to stop him. The public knew what the ITF told them. But there were some in the ITF who were aware that I’d played a bigger role. That I chose to save my kid, instead of saving the city from darkness. Some understood. Some didn’t. But it wasn’t really my role that pissed off some of my former coworkers as much as the fact that Hank and I used ITF resources, worked on cases the ITF wasn’t privy to, and only answered to the chief and to Washington. And Ashton couldn’t seem to get over it. His eyes narrowed to small slits. “I will be heading the warehouse murders,” he practically snarled. “And you can tell the chief that.”
I took a moment to indulge in a heavy sigh and followed it with, “I’m really not up for a pissing match today, okay? And we all know mine is bigger than yours, anyway, so why don’t you go play Big Man with the noobs.”
A nasty sneer drew back the corner of his lip and his head cocked triumphantly. “How’s your daught—”
Before I could even think how wrong it was, I had him by the throat and up against the opposite wall, my speed surprising even me. His skin was so pliable under my fingers. I dug them in further, wanting to hurt him, to make him cry.
Ashton’s right hand grabbed the hilt of his service weapon just as any cop would do in this situation. And if it was anyone else, I’d trust them not to pull it, but Ashton was a hothead and had gotten increasingly hostile toward me. If he pulled his weapon, it’d be all over. For both of us. At least I had my wits enough to latch hard onto his hand with my other to prevent him from pulling the weapon and doing something stupid.
“Charlie.” Hank’s deep, mellow voice came from behind me, the same moment I felt the pressure of his hand on my shoulder.
My teeth ground together, one part of me knowing I had to remain calm and back off, the other part of me wanting to—“You mention my daughter again,” I ground out, “and I’ll rip your fucking tongue out and feed it to my hellhound.”
Perry’s long face was beet-red now, the pressure building as I continued to hold his neck tight, cutting off his circulation. Veins strained, full and angry, along his temples. Satisfied, I eased my hold.
Immediately he shot back, gasping, “I hope you sleep well at night, knowing you’ve annihilated the fucking planet.”
“It’s just the city, you moron.” I stepped back as he rearranged his shirt, clearly pissed that I’d touched him with my tri-racial hands. “And, for the record, I sleep just fine.”
“When they start taking over,” Perry continued, “don’t look for friends here. You damned us all for one stupid kid.”
I lunged for him, but Hank was faster, wrapping both arms around my middle, jerking me back and causing my feet to come clean off the floor. “Let it go,” Hank breathed into my ear as Ashton Perry had the nerve to laugh, despite his flustered expression, roll his eyes, and then walk out the back exit.
His disregard was a big ole fuck you, and it expanded my anger, pressing against my chest like a balloon about to burst. I swallowed the burn in my throat. “I’m going to kill him.”
“And you should know by now that he uses Emma because it’s the one thing that riles you. No one who counts believes you made the wrong decision.”
I knew that, but Perry’s words … Maybe he was right in a way. Maybe I had damned the whole city, and was just kidding myself that there was a way to fix it. To those like Ashton, the only thing that mattered was that I’d stood in that stupid circle, spilled my engineered blood, and called the darkness to save my kid. I shut my eyes, my body still humming, still experiencing that numb tingling associated with chaotic power. It burned. And it fucking hurt.
“Relax,” came Hank’s voice, so low, confident, and soothing, like a shot of whiskey spreading through my system. “Breathe, kiddo. You control it, not the other way around.”
Even with the voice-mod stuck in his neck, he still had a natural lure. No amount of engineering could snuff it out completely. My muscles obeyed, more willing to listen to him than to the anger that was already beginning to whittle away. I sighed. Then a thought occurred to me.
“You ditched me the other day.” I jerked out of his hold and spun to face him, still humming with power, just not as volatile as before.