"Well, you could always talk to her and see if you can't work it out," Tarrin offered.

"I believe I will, Tarrin," he said, patting him on the shoulder fondly. "I believe I will. You know, it shows much about your character that in the midst of so many of your own personal problems, you'd be so willing and able to help others with theirs. You're a remarkable young man, and I'm honored to know you."

"It's nothing, Koran Dar," he said with a blush. "Mother always says helping people solve their problems sometimes helps you solve your own."

"Call me Koran, Tarrin," the Amazon man smiled, "and it sounds like you have a very wise mother."

"I think so," Tarrin affirmed.

"So do I."

Tarrin walked along with the Amazon, his own fears and worries momentarily forgotten. In all the chaos in his life, at that moment, it just felt good that he could help solve at least someone's problems. Even if they weren't his own.

After a good breakfast with Koran Dar, the Amazon left him to seek out Camara Tal, and that left him alone. He wandered the halls of the Tower aimlessly, then found himself on the gravelled pathways of the gardens, walking by himself to sort things out in his mind. The distraction of Koran Dar was long forgotten as he worried over how the Were-cats were going to react to the news, and what it would mean to him personally.

He had a choice to make. He knew that, but he had been trying to discreetly avoid the issue over the last couple of days. He really didn't want to think about it now, but Phandebrass' revelation was forcing his hand, and he knew that he had to start really thinking about it.

He'd heard all the stories now, and from what he'd heard, the Tarrin who had been a Were-cat had been a very dark, menacing fellow, full of anger and pain and shockingly brutal at times. He didn't sound like a very good person to be, and he had been carrying around alot of pain. He'd heard of all the things he'd done and the many people he'd killed, all the evil had had both witnessed and perpetrated in the name of his mission. That Tarrin was ruthless, monstrous, almost evil in his own right, probably just as bad, if not worse, than the very ones he opposed.

But on the other hand, that Tarrin had two children, had two women who were utterly devoted to him, and he had been trying to build a future for himself. Triana had known that Tarrin better than anyone else possibly could have known him, and she told him about how he had managed to come to terms with the darkness inside him. How he had learned to let go of the anger and pain, how he had changed so much since entering the desert with the Faerie Sarrya. It was like he was a different person. When he thought of that Tarrin in those terms, he seemed courageous, almost inhumanly courageous, battling against all odds to manage to come out on top. That Tarrin may have been cold and ruthless, but it was just that. He had been. That Tarrin had changed, had shed some of the ferality that made him so nasty, had found acceptance within himself and had again learned to love, and to trust.

But if he decided to be a Were-cat again, which Tarrin would he be? Would he be the ruthless monster, or the Were-cat he had been just before he lost his memory, the one who had been fighting for happiness rather than making the rest of the world share his pain? Triana had pulled no punches. She admitted that she had no idea how this ordeal was going to affect him. It could make him feral again, or it may not. There was no telling how he would be if he was restored to his Were nature.

And on the other hand, what if he decided to stay human? He could build a new life for himself, the life of a Sorcerer, or anything he wanted to be. The possibilities were endless before him, because it was as if he had been given a second chance, another bite at the apple. He had no memory of his life before, and if he decided to stay human… perhaps it was best to leave those memories forever buried in the depths of his darkest mind. He could be a Sorcerer in the Tower, he could learn all over again, he could be what he was meant to be from the beginning, before Jesmind's bite had so radically altered his life. Or he could leave the Tower and go back to Aldreth, or even decide to travel the world. He could be whatever he wanted to be, he knew he could.

And there was Auli.

That thought just crept in there out of nowhere, but once it got into his mind, he couldn't let go of it. If he stayed human, he could explore just how far Auli wanted to go with him, an idea that had been eating at him since she kissed him. He just couldn't get the Sha'Kar girl out of his mind, even though he knew he had to get her out of his mind. He'd told himself he couldn't get involved with her right now, he needed to make an objective decision, and she was clouding the issue. But he liked her, alot. And she was so much what he wanted in a woman.

Auli wasn't the only reason to stay human. The simple fact of knowing that the tortures and horrors of the past years would never haunt him again was also a powerful piece on the board. And he was born human, wouldn't it be only natural to want to stay the way he'd been born, the only thing he'd ever known? He couldn't remember being a Were-cat. It felt natural, perfect, for him to be as he was, even if there was a large hole in his memory.

Memory. He thought before that it wouldn't be right to make his decision until he got back his memory so he could make a decision based on all the facts. But if he did get back his memory and decided to stay human, then the memory of what he had once been would always be there, and he had the feeling that it would haunt him for the rest of his days. Not just the memory of what he had lost, but the memory of the things he had done. Tarrin the Were-cat may have had the mental control and willpower to be able to cope with such awful memories, but he wasn't sure if Tarrin the human could. They may be too much for him to handle, and that would permantly stain any life he may be able to enjoy as a human.

No, if he wanted to stay a human, then it would be best if those memories were never awakened again.

But there were some things that he really did need to know, things that he had to understand before he could make such an important decision. And he didn't want to learn those things from Triana or Jesmind. Their bias was obvious, and he didn't want them flavoring things to sway him. He wanted an honest opinion, a clear one, a consice one. And he knew who would have one. It wouldn't be Allia or Keritanima, for they were too close to him. It wouldn't be Dolanna or Camara Tal, it wouldn't be Azakar or Miranda.

If he wanted an honest opinion uncluttered by personal view, he knew Dar would be the best one to give it to him. The young man was very smart and quite insightful, and he had a very formidable ability to see both sides of an issue, a trait instilled in him by his parents, who had been training him to be a merchant. Merchants had to understand both sides of the issue in order to be able to assume the most profitable posture in the bargaining.

Looking for Dar was one thing. Finding him on the vast grounds of the Tower was quite another. After checking his room and Dolanna's room, he found himself suddenly having no idea where to look. He didn't really know what Dar and Dolanna did in the Tower. For that matter, he really wasn't sure what all the other Sorcerers did in the Tower either. He guessed they went off and did magic things or studied or such things, things he probably wouldn't understand without his memory. The only one whose job he really understood was Jenna's, and that was only because she had explained most of it to him. He decided to just wander around and try to find someone he knew, and maybe they could show him to Dar or use magic to tell him where to go. Besides, it was a very nice summer day, and he really didn't want to spend it sitting in a room somewhere or wandering stuffy hallways.