And what was worse, he really hated how they simply decided that he was going to change back. It was like they didn't care at all how he felt about it. What right did they have to determine how he was going to control his own life? Until he got his memory back and could make a conscious, rational choice, he honestly had no idea what he was going to do. He really didn't think about it that often, because until he got his memory back, there was really no good reason to do so. He expected the Were-cats to think that he would change back, but the way they'd decided that he was going to change back really infuriated him. Even Kimmie seemed to be doing it, planning her future around the fact that he was going to change back.

And what exacerbated that was the fact that they seemed to think that since he couldn't be changed back right now, that he should simply stop living. That he should sit in a nice safe room and do nothing but wait for Phandebrass to finish, so he could get back his memory. If they even bothered to wait that long. Part of him angrily wondered why Triana was keeping the others from simply biting him and being done with it. If they really did intend to make him change back, then why wait? Why not do it now, before he got his memory back, before he had a chance to choose for himself?

Not long after Jesmind left, he told himself to just ignore them until he got back his memory, but just as he wasn't willing to ignore Auli, he wasn't willing to ignore the Were-cats. He did like Jesmind and Kimmie, but he just couldn't ignore his daughter. He'd been totally ensnared by the wide-eyed child, and though some of the things she said surprised him at times, he just couldn't deny that he loved her. She was his daughter, and no matter what, he was going to love her. He wanted to spend time with her, and he was already looking forward to seeing her. He felt as much a duty and responsibility to Jasana now as he knew he must have before he lost his memory. No matter how mean he'd gotten or cruel he'd been, he just knew in his heart that he could never have distanced himself from his child.

The only problem with that was how to be mad with Jesmind and Triana and not have it affect his time with Jasana. The easiest way would be simply to take his daughter out and away from them, but he wasn't sure he could manage that. As paranoid they were over him, it'd go up several notches if he took his daughter out from their protective presence. He still wasn't sure about that one, but he'd figure something out before the time came. He was sure of it.

What to do, what to do. He did manage to get a little sleep, but not a whole lot. He was standing out on the balcony, which faced the ocean, and he could see it between two of the smaller towers that surrounded the big central one. He watched the lanterns begin to wink out as the sun started to rise on the other side of the Tower, but none of the many ships in the harbor had begun to move quite yet. There was alot he had to figure out to do. Firstly, about Auli. Did he really want to enter into a relationship with her? Still, part of him did, but part of him didn't. He really wanted to get Auli back in his room and kiss her again, but for now, at least for a few days until he got things hammered out with Jesmind, he decided it may be best to leave that alone. If Jesmind or one of the other Were-cats walked in on him and Auli when they were doing more than kissing, things could get very, very ugly. Tarrin had no doubt that Jesmind meant it when she threatened to tear Auli limb from limb. Besides, the few days would give him time to work out what he wanted, give him time to decide if he wanted to pursue her or not. Until he did know one way or the other, it was probably best to gently decline any of her other invitations. Since he knew he'd feel a little guilty if he did let her seduce him before he made up his mind, he decided that a short time of frustration and disappointment was better than days and days of guilt.

That layered into the other problem. He was still very angry with Jesmind, and he didn't expect to forgive her for a while, mainly because he knew she'd never apologize for what she was doing. Triana would be just as recalcitrant. Kimmie would probably show some compassion for his position, but she would not go against Triana, so he didn't expect much in the way of help from her. At least he could talk to Kimmie, and Jula, and pass any information he wanted on to Jesmind and Triana. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be talking to them very much by the end of the day. He was going to step on this now, before the Were-cats got it settled too firmly in their minds that he would do what they wanted, and that he would be easy to push around. He had to establish his autonomy now, before things got out of hand.

Of course, now he knew he had a weapon to use against them. The problem was, he didn't know how it worked. He'd used Sorcery somehow when Jesmind angered him, but he still had no idea how he did it. And he wanted to know how he did it. He hadn't noticed at the time, but using Sorcery had felt so familiar to him, like it was more than just a forgotten memory. Almost like it was a part of himself that he had only just rediscovered, something that hadn't been taken from him when he'd lost his memory.

That problem wasn't a very big one. He was absolutely surrounded by Sorcerers, and any of them should be able to teach him how he'd done what he did so he could do it again. Jenna would probably be the best one to do it, if he could get her to devote enough time to his education. She was also one of those sui'kun people, like him, and it would probably be best for her to teach him what he wanted to know. He had the feeling that his magic worked a little differently than other Sorcerers-he'd only seen that glow when Ianelle and the Sha'Kar used powerful magic to Teleport them to Suld-so it would be best if another sui'kun was the one who taught him.

It shouldn't be too hard. She was his sister, after all, and if she didn't have time for him, then who did she have time for?

Oh yes, he wanted to learn. Jesmind had been afraid of him, and he wanted that option to be available in the future. He wanted those high-and-mighty Were-cats to be afraid of him, he wanted them to understand that he would not be pushed around. He wouldn't go and pick a fight with them, but he wasn't going to let them bully him into doing whatever they wanted him to do either. He remembered the very poignant lesson that Kimmie had taught him. Their physical power made the Were-cats supreme, at least when one played them by their own rules. Sorcery would allow him to take them to a level they couldn't reach, and give him the advantage over them. If he wanted to establish his independence from the Were-cats, he'd need an advantage. And, he had to admit, there might come a time when he'd have to defend himself against them. If he chose not to be changed back, he felt that there was a good chance that they may try to force the issue. If it did come to that, he wanted some kind of way to protect himself from them.

He wondered again what Auli was doing, and just how serious she had been. Was she flirting with him? Was she playing with him, or was she being serious? If Jesmind hadn't come in, just how far would Auli have gone? He chided himself when he daydreamed a bit about her going all the way, and the image of her standing on the edge of the bathing pool nude wouldn't get out of his mind. Gods, she was so gorgeous. Like a living piece of art, all perfect lines and curves, and she had a unique personality that attracted him just as much as her body did. She was the first girl he'd ever met who was so adventurous and fun-loving, who did what she wanted and didn't worry about what her parents or the others might think. She had such a rich sense of humor, and she was so fearless! That probably attracted him more than anything else. Auli was fearless, alot like he was, but in slightly different ways. Despite those differences, he felt a communion with Auli that wouldn't let him get her out of his mind. She was very much the kind of woman he'd always wanted to meet. Strong and outspoken like his mother, drop-dead gorgeous, a woman that wasn't afraid of being feminine, a woman that wasn't afraid to be strong when it was needed. She was so many things that he found appealing in a woman. No wonder he was having so much trouble putting her out of his mind. He wondered if Jesmind or Kimmie had similar qualities, if they were reasons why he'd fallen in love with them.