"What?"

"That I was becoming what I hated the most," he said honestly. "If I would have killed her, I'd have become her. Only I'd be doing what I did because of conscious choice, not because I was mad."

"So, you finally see what I have always seen," she said, opening her brilliant eyes and smiling at him. "That you are not what you seem to be."

"I was what I seemed to be, sister," he said quietly, picking at the tip of his tail absently. "I can admit that. I was every bit the monster. And the sad thing is that even though I know it, I still don't know if I can change it. I don't really know what I want to change, but I need to do something. It won't be easy. That part of me is instinctive, and you have no idea how hard it is to control something when you do it before you think about what you're doing."

"Nothing of worth is easy," she told him.

"I'm worried, deshaida. I'll never completely control the rage. Triana told me that, told me that no Were-cat ever has complete control. I don't feel sorry about it when I kill someone that really deserves it. I'm just afraid of how I'll feel if I kill someone that didn't deserve it."

"Triana told you that the key to handling rage was learning how to not harm those you would regret harming," she said. "It sounds like your only problem is that you wish to be in control of who you decide to kill. That's what you're finding intolerable about yourself. Not that you kill, but that you don't know if you're killing people who deserve to die."

He nodded solemnly.

"That won't require a great change on your part, my brother," she smiled. "Look at Triana. She's nearly as bad as you when it comes to punishing people. The only difference is that she doesn't kill indiscriminately. The people she kills are killed because she had a good reason to do it. Could you live with yourself if you were like Triana?"

"Yes," he replied after a moment.

"Then that's what you need to focus on. All you need to learn is when to spare a life rather than when to take a life, just like when you spared Jula. Triana would not have killed Jula. She would be very, very angry with her, but she would not kill her. You did exactly what Triana would do, and I see it made you feel better."

"It did, in a weird way," he admitted.

"There you are," she said with a glorious smile. "It's not something to fret over for tendays, my brother. The easier you make a problem seem, the easier it is to solve."

"I guess so," he sighed. "It didn't seem that simple when I thought about it."

"You sought to transform yourself, and that is a daunting proposition," she smiled gently. "I know you, my brother, you yearned for what you were before you became a Were-cat, but you know deep inside that you can never be that again. You found you hated what you saw in yourself, and you felt that the only way to feel good about yourself was to completely change everything about you, unsure of which change would be the one to bring peace to your mind. Because you couldn't put your finger on exactly what most bothered you."

Tarrin sighed and nodded.

"But that's not what you need. You need your anger, and you need your mistrust. In what we're doing, they are very healthy traits to have. You need to be feral, my brother, and you need that killer instinct to give you the edge in this dangerous game we play. All you need to do is try to be like Triana. Ask yourself what she would do if she were in your position, then try to do the same thing. As long as you do that, you can't go wrong. You know Triana, my brother, you understand her and what she does. If you do the same thing she would do, then you have done the right thing."

Tarrin blew out his breath, then he looked to his sister and smiled. She was right. She was always right. She could see right into the core of his confusion, and see exactly what needed to be done to set his mind at ease. "Why is it that you can always sum up my life in one sentence?" he said gently, reaching out and taking her hand.

"That's easy, deshida. You're not all that complicated," she winked. "I know your heart, Tarrin," she said with a serious look in her eyes, but that same gentle smile. "It cries out to me of your pain, and it tells me what it needs to feel whole. I just tell you what your heart tells me to tell you, that's all."

He pulled her against him, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. He would be lost without Allia. She was so important to him, the rock upon which the foundation of his life was placed. Any time he felt lost or confused, any time he needed love and support, she was there. He loved her, loved her so deeply it defied rational explanation, a bond that sealed them together in ways few could even comprehend. "My heart thanks you, my sister," he said lovingly. "I love you."

"I love you too, my brother," she replied, putting her arm around him. "I love you too."

GoTo: Title EoF

Chapter 25

The night.

It was his time. It was their time. The time when the predators awoke and sought out their prey, the time when the blanket of darkness protected those who knew its secrets. The night was his friend, his ally, and it spoke to him in ways that no human could understand, whispers on the wind, caresses against his soul, light touches that reminded him endlessly of its presence. His every sense was open, active, at its peak, and he felt very much the master of his domain. He was king of this jungle, king of the night, the one that sat at the top of the pecking order. His mastery could not be challenged. Not by the humans, not by the thieves and other nightstalkers, not even by Jula.

Tarrin stood up to his full height and looked up at the White Moon, Dommammon, feeling its subtle song course through him. As always, now, he could see Miranda's cheeky face in the face of the largest of the moons, smiling down on him, making the song seem much more personal and uplifting than it would be for another Were-cat. The song of the moon excited his senses, made his instincts rise up within him and join with his conscious mind in a harmonious desire to do nothing but simply listen.

"What is it?" Jula asked curiously, looking up at him. The smaller Were-cat stood beside him on the roof, the very first roof she had climbed. It took her a moment to figure out how to do it. She had a Were-cat's body, but she had acted so much the human that she had never explored her newfound physical gifts. She knew she could jump great distances, but she had never tried. She knew she could climb as easily as a human could walk, but she never did it. He'd have to really work her to teach her about the physical limits of her body. They had some teaching to do tonight, and she had some learning. She leaned a bit closer to him, unconsciously, and her scent struck him. Bad timing, he supposed. Jula was reaching the peak of her fertile phase, and it was causing her to unconsciously advertise that fact in her scent. She didn't know she was doing it, but her interest was written all over her scent. Even now, just getting close to him was making it stronger in her scent. He was going to let that go on for a while, then sit her down and talk to her about it. See if she realized what was happening. He wanted to see how well she could control it, deal with it. Coping with what was a completely instinctual urge would be good for her, it would teach her how to let her instincts affect her behavior without taking over her rational mind.

"Look at the moon," he said in a serene voice. "Open your senses and look into its depths. The moon sings to us, Jula, it sings to all Were-kin. It's why most humans believe the myths about us. Open yourself to it and let it sing to you."

She did as he said, looking up at the moon for a long moment of silence. "I don't hear anything," she complained.