Now you understand, kitten, the voice of the Goddess sang within him. Now you understand.

Wiping his eyes with the back of his paw, he looked down at the unconscious Jula. He had been so close to killing her, to killing himself. But he didn't see himself in her anymore. He only saw a tortured woman, consumed from within, who was no longer the conniving manipulating betrayer she had been in his past. Just as he was no longer the same Tarrin, this was no longer the same Jula.

For the first time since she had captured him, Tarrin found it in himself to forgive.

But he wasn't finished with her, either. He couldn't allow her to roam around free, not in her mental state. It would get him in trouble with the citizenry, as the screaming woman proved to him. Besides, he had a duty to Fae-da'Nar to deal with her, before she destroyed their repuation. And it felt wrong to him to leave her like this. She had been punished for what she did to him, punished many times over. But she would never appreciate her actions if she couldn't reflect on them in a rational manner. Besides, she had some very logical, very simple assets to make keeping her very smart.

In her head was a gold mine of information he needed, a treasure trove of knowledge they could use. She had been part of the ki'zadun, she knew who they were, where they were, and what they did. She could help them thwart their activities in Dala Yar Arak, could help Tarrin get the Book of Ages first by disrupting one of his greatest challengers.

And she possibly knew where Kravon was.

He may have fogiven her, felt pity for her, but Kravon was another matter. He may have come to an understanding about himself, but it still didn't change some things. He would always be what he was. He only needed to be able to control it.

Jula. Strange, sometimes, the way the fates blew things around. He never dreamed he'd end up with Jula. Leaning down, he pushed her head to one side, then sank his fangs into her neck. He drew in her blood, tasting it, swallowing it, and at the same time he did something that he had no idea how to do. Yet he did it perfectly. In a corner of his mind, a sense of her sprang into being, a sense of where she was, and a general feeling of her. He could feel her madness through that tentative feeling of her, subdued by her unconsciousness, but there all the same. It explained many things to him in that fleeting instant of feeling her. It explained how Jesmind and Triana always knew where he was, it explained how they always seemed to know exactly what to say. It was because they knew how he was feeling, through the bond they had taken from him. He rose up over her, watching the bite marks heal, feeling her proximity through the bond. Jula. Jula was now his child, and he accepted responsibility for her. It was just as good, since he was the only one who could help her. And she would repay that aid with her knowledge.

He got off of the unconscious female, then picked her up and slung her limp body over his shoulder. There were things that needed to be done. Dolanna couldn't heal Jula of her madness, because they weren't the same race. But Tarrin was. Dolanna could show him what to do, and he could do it. Getting a grip on the back of Jula's thighs, he settled her so she wouldn't slide off his shoulder, then he turned and started back towards the circus. There were things to be done, and an old friend to deal with. An old friend, now a new child.

GoTo: Title EoF

Chapter 24

There was no hiding anything now.

Tarrin stepped into Renoit's personal tent with Jula thrown over his shoulder. He had walked through most of the city to get there, and everyone had stopped to look at him. Some of the more adventurous had followed him a while, and a few had followed him all the way to the circus. He didn't pay them all that much attention. They were harmless, and there was nothing he could do about them. They could tell by looking at him that he'd been in a fight, and the expression on his face was enough to get everyone out of his way.

The walk had been good for him. The relative silence allowed him to think, to think about what the Goddess said to him, and what he felt afterward. He had become so angry with what he was, and he hadn't even noticed it. But now his eyes were open, open to the truth. It wouldn't be easy to change, but if he could forgive Jula, then just about anything was possible. He just had to start over again, to learn how to control himself. That was the key. If he could just control his impulses, take his life back from the Cat and its instincts, which dominated him, then everything would be alright. He even felt that maybe he could become more open with strangers. It certainly wouldn't happen overnight, but if taking Jula had taught him anything, it was that nothing was as set in stone as he first believed. It wasn't going to be easy. Even now, he had to surpress the urge to throttle the woman. He was still very angry with her. He could forgive the past, but he wasn't about to forget it, and what had happened in the past was still enough to make him angry. He forgave, but the Cat did not.

Dolanna and Camara Tal were in the tent when he entered. They looked at him in surprise, staring at the obvious Were-cat that was draped over his shoulder with shock, noting his emotionless expression. When he threw her down, not gently, onto the canvas floor of the tent, Dolanna immediately stood up and gasped. "Goddess! Tarrin, where did you find her? And what in the moons happened? Did you bite her?"

"I didn't bite her," Tarrin replied.

"Who is this woman, cub?" Camara Tal asked.

"Jula."

" Jula? She's still alive? Why didn't you kill her?"

"I very nearly did," he replied in a low growl, then he related to them the tale of his tracking her down, and the fight. He didn't say anything about the Goddess. That seemed too personal to share with them. "But at the end, I realized that I didn't have to kill her. I couldn't punish her any more than she's already been punished. Besides, she was one of them. If I can set her mind straight, she can tell us everything about the Black Network we need to know to neutralize them."

"And what stops her from turning on us the first chance?" Camara Tal asked.

"This," he replied levelly, holding up his paw. "I have no idea how it happened, but she's Were now. That makes her my daughter, since I was the one who found her. I have to teach her the laws of Fae-da'Nar."

"Tarrin, that's not going to keep her from betraying us."

"It will when she realizes that turning her back on me is going to kill her," he said bluntly. "I took her bond. She can't hide from me. And she won't be stupid enough to think that she'll be safe if she tries to run." He looked at Dolanna. "That's why I brought her here, Dolanna. I need you to show me how to cure her insanity."

Dolanna laughed ruefully. "Dear one, do not confuse me with a miracle worker," she begged off. "I am no expert in Mind weaves, and unravelling insanity caused by Lycanthropy would even make Amelyn fret. I would not know where to begin."

"Then show me how you supressed my instincts when I first turned Were," he asked. "If I can separate her instincts from her conscious mind, it may make her rational."

"That I can show you, but not without Sarraya," she said. "You cannot use your Sorcery without her to control you."

"Then someone had better find her. If Jula wakes up before we start, I'll have to knock her out again. I don't think this tent would survive that."

"You certainly look like you slugged it out with her," Camara Tal said with a sly grin. "Looks like she gave back what she got."

"At first," he admitted. "Then I stopped being an idiot and used my training. After that, she didn't have a chance."