“What are you doing!” Buddy asked impatiently.

Theo held up the sign to inspect his handiwork. It was truly the work of a man on the brink, but so be it. It got the point across.

“Nice job,” Buddy said, giggling. “Do you want to smile for this?”

“Sure. Why not?” Theo smiled and Buddy snapped the picture. Then they both went to the computer, downloaded the image, and printed it out on photo paper.

It was a color shot of Theo, standing in a sandy white dinner jacket splashed with red wine, holding a sign that read simply: I LOVE LUCY.

Tyson was a natural at this. He worked the camera like a seasoned politician, spinning the truth with such panache and charm that the hosts of WakeUp Miami, along with the entire studio audience, were hoodwinked.

“Theo sends his regards, but he’s feeling so under the weather that he thought it was best not to expose anyone to what he’s got.”

Yeah, Lucy said to herself. He’s got shit for brains; that’s what he’s got.

Lucy kept her eyes on her shoes. She was able to remain like that, lifeless and out of focus, for several long minutes while Tyson regaled everyone with tales from his college football days and his aspirations to be a TV sports announcer.

Lucy didn’t mind one bit that he was using this appearance as one giant job interview. It was fine with her. Anything was fine with her.

Then it was time for the weigh-in, and it surprised her just how little it bothered her that Tyson was doing the weighing.

“Great job, Lucy!” Tyson said. “Another eight pounds and one and three-quarter inches!”

The audience began whooping and hooting and chanting, “Go, Lucy! Go, Lucy!”

And all she wanted to do was go home, put on her pink sweatpants, and eat.

Chapter 9

August

Journal Entry Aug 4

Breakfast: 2-egg-white omelet with 1/4 c low-fat ched-dar, 1/2 c onion, pepper, and tomato; one slice whole wheat toast; 1 tbsp no-sugar-added apple butter; decaf with splash of skim milk

Lunch: 3 oz broiled salmon; 1 c steamed broccoli; 1 c salad with 1 tbsp oil and vinegar; 1/2 c brown rice

Dinner: A Wendy’s Triple with everything; a large fry; a large Frosty

Evening snack: 1 qt butter brickie ice cream; 1 box of ginger snaps

Affirmation for Today:

I seem to be drawing a blank.

Lucy woke up the next morning, looked in the mirror, and said out loud, “Get your shit together, quick.”

She refused to even attempt to wear anything without elastic embedded somewhere in the waist and found a pair of khaki crop pants that would do fine for the day. She had no pressing appointments.

Then she shoved her feet into a pair of slides and yanked a white cotton twinset out of her closet. She tied a paisley silk scarf around her neck for color, ran a brush through her hair, and smeared some coral pink gloss over her lips. That would have to do. It was all she could handle that morning.

There would be no breakfast. The idea of food made her wish she were dead. In the hours between 6:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. of the previous day, she’d violated every promise she’d made to herself and to Theo. She’d even violated the only sensible rule of dieting she’d ever run across, the sage advice of the Muppets’ Miss Piggy, who recommended never eating anything bigger than your head.

Lucy was fairly certain that if piled together, all that junk she binged on the day before would be bigger than anyone’s head. Perhaps even Theo’s.

And who cared what promise she’d made to Theo, anyway? He was out of the picture. This was all her problem now, and she’d just have to deal with it alone.

Lucy drove to work, and though she didn’t intend to eat for the rest of her life, food called out to her all the way to the office. Doughnuts whispered her name from their evil glass display cases. Croissants and muffins beckoned to her from bakery windows like prostitutes in the doorways of French Quarter brothels. Fast-food drive-throughs shouted obscene lies about the relief to be found in a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit-or two.

Lucy told herself she would make it through this day. She would get around to calling Tyson about scheduling workout sessions. She would stick to a sane and healthy food plan.

She would not allow Theo’s rejection to stand in the way of her dreams. She could do it without him. She’d show him.

Stephan traced his fingers down the ridges of Lola’s abdominals, agog at the carved perfection of the woman now stretched out on his bed. He had to admit that she wasn’t the most passionate female he’d ever been with, in fact she was rather lifeless, but, with all the lights on, it was fun in a visual kind of way.

“You’re pretty out of shape, Stephan,” Lola said.

He flinched and sucked in his gut.

“You should schedule some sessions with me out of bed,” she continued, propping herself on her side as she smiled at him. “We’ll focus on trimming body fat and adding definition. In the meantime, you should cut down on your refined carbs and try some of the protein powder I was telling you about.”

What the hell was this? He hadn’t asked her for her advice!

“I hate to say this, but the nutrition plan Theo and Lucy are using seems to work. Have you checked out their Web site? Hundreds of people are now following their program. It’s, like, amazing.”

Stephan felt his blood pressure build.

“Stephan?” Lola sat up cross-legged, and he was fascinated at how the only things that seemed to roll or crinkle on her body were three tiny creases of darkly tanned skin around her waist. No fat. Anywhere. He wondered if that might be unnatural.

He rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling for a few moments, then put a hand over his eyes. When had it gotten so complicated? All he’d wanted was to reward himself for working so hard all these years, have a little fun. So he’d been siphoning some profits to a bank in the Caymans. So what? A lot of businesspeople did it. But now he’d gone and pissed off Murray Goldstein, who was threatening to sic the feds on him.

It was all Lucy’s fault. She’d gone out there and worked her ass off-literally-and now his ass was in real danger of being sent to prison or ending up in a watery grave at the bottom of Biscayne Bay. He didn’t know which was worse.

At this point, it wasn’t even about stopping her from losing weight anymore. The damage had been done. Now Stephan just wanted to make her pay.

“Here.” Stephan hoisted himself up off the bed and leaned over toward the nightstand drawer. “I have a little something for you, Lola. Just to let you know how special you are to me.”

He watched with satisfaction as Lola opened the jewelry box and gasped at the platinum toe ring.

“It’s great!” She wasted no time placing it on the second toe of her right foot Then she hugged Stephan tight, which made him feel amorous for the third time that day, which could have very well been a record.

Lola ended the hug and spent a few moments admiring her newly festooned toe, then let her gaze return to Stephan’s. It really was a pity she didn’t have a pretty face, but he figured a man couldn’t have everything.

“You know, Stephan, Lucy hasn’t shown up at the gym for at least a couple weeks.”

Now they were getting somewhere-a little platinum apparently greased the skids. “Really now?”

“I think she and Theo had a huge fight.”

This was welcome news. “Do you think Lucy’s losing her momentum?” he asked.