The necropsy had affected me. I was glad to step into the blaze of my uncle’s house, to be met by the howls of my children, who had had a fractious day. Then I was enfolded in Helena Justina’s warm embrace. She leaned back, quizzing me silently. She would be eager for news of today, and in the hearing, she would soften its inhumanities with her gentle sanity.

XIV

Fulvius and Cassius were out pursuing some business interest, so our meal that night was a family occasion. That suited me.

We dined on the roof, but the servants had made a cosy area under awnings. We three men slumped weakly at first on baggy cushions and the rich but worn coverlets that adorned the ancient couches. To me, Fulvius and Cassius had a rich but worn look too. I wondered whether the furnishings came with the house or were theirs. Julia and Favonia were at the meal, but after a hard day of squabbling, the tear-stained twosome soon fell asleep. Albia sat by Aulus, punching him awake when he forgot to be sociable. I ate and drank slowly, thinking.

Helena patted the couch beside her. ‘Come and talk to me, Heras!’

The friendly young man took up the offer at once. He had excellent manners, was probably the product of a good mother, and looked flattered by the attention. He cannot have known that the nice Roman lady, at sight so safely married and pregnant, was a dangerous witch. Helena would pick his brains as adroitly as she had already picked the flesh from shellfish and the seeds from pomegranates. ‘Tell me about yourself,’ she smiled.

Heras was all obedience. So Helena discovered he came from Naukratis, an old Greek city; his father was rich, and anxious for his boy to make his way successfully. Heras had been sent on his own to Alexandria, to find a study course. The results had caused discomfort in his relations with his father. ’So does your father disapprove of your tutor or your subject?’

‘Pretty much both, madam.’

Heras explained that Sophistry was required study for anyone who hoped to be a leader of society here. Learning to be a persuasive public speaker was a vital skill; it would fit him for the highest levels - to be a senator, magistrate, diplomat, public benefactor. Unfortunately, Sophist teachers had become far too aware of their value to the wealthy - who were by definition their best source of students. Sophists charged high fees. Very high, in most cases, since to demand less than a rival might imply mediocrity. ‘Their teaching is supposed to encourage virtue, a selfless ideal; so some people take the view that to charge fees at all is wrong. My father can pay -’All adolescents think that. I glanced at my little daughters, wondering how soon these sleeping cupids would be expecting a bottomless purse from me. Not long. Julia could already price a toy. ‘But Father is shocked how much my tutor wants.’

‘Socrates always spoke in public, for all comers.’ Helena surprised Heras with her knowledge and her easy confidence in sharing it. I knew how widely she read. Senators’ daughters are not normally educated to the standard of senators’ sons, even where the daughters are brighter. But when Helena was growing up, with two younger brothers, there were schoolmasters in the house, not to mention a private library. She had grabbed every opportunity. Nor was she discouraged. Her parents both took the view that she would be responsible for the upbringing of future senators. Their only misjudgement was that Helena chose me instead of a stuffed patrician. Our children would be middle-rank. I had no objection to her teaching them anything valuable, but if the baby she was expecting was a boy, and if he survived birth and childhood, I would not send him overseas to pick up bad habits and serious diseases in a foreign university. Born plebeian, I wanted returns on my cash. I had earned the money myself. I was capable of wasting it myself too.

‘So tell me about your studies, Heras.’ Helena was talking to the student and simultaneously watching me. I hid a smile. I liked my women versatile. I liked this one much more than others I had known.

‘We learn the rules of rhetoric, good style, voice training, and correct stance. Part of the regimen is declaiming model speeches in the classroom. My father says these involve false, sterile subjects, divorced from life - he sees it as no more than oral trickery. We also observe our master giving public orations, through which he wins the admiration of the city - and my father is just as suspicious of that. He argues that teachers now cultivate the art of virtuoso rhetoric for incorrect reasons. Their lifestyle offends against the good qualities they are supposed to be teaching: they make orations to gain reputations; they want reputation only in order to earn more money.’

I leaned on my elbow. ‘To say knowledge cannot be bought and sold like corn or fish sounds virtuous. But philosophers have to put clothes on their backs and food in their bellies.’

‘Not in Alexandria,’ Helena reminded me. ‘The Museion promises them “freedom from want and taxes”. Even in Rome, our Emperor, Vespasian, has sought to encourage education by granting immunity from municipal obligations to grammarians and rhetoricians. And he provides schoolteachers’ salaries.’

Heras laughed shyly. ‘This is the same emperor who, at the beginning of his office, exiled all philosophers from Rome?’

‘All except the esteemed Musonius Rufus,’ agreed Helena.

‘What was special about him?’

‘My father knows him slightly, so I can answer that - he is a Stoic, who argues that the pursuit of virtue is a philosopher’s aim. Nero sent him into exile - which is always a sign of quality. When Vespasian’s armies were advancing on Rome at the end of the civil war, Musonius Rufus pleaded with the soldiers to exercise peaceful behaviour. What I particularly like about him is that he says men and women possess exactly the same capacity for understanding virtue, therefore women should be taught philosophy equally with men.’

Both Aulus and Heras guffawed at that. I could not see it going down well with the academic establishment in Alexandria. Come to that, few Roman women would take up the idea, especially if it required the pursuit of virtue. That does not mean I disapproved of the equal-education principle. I was prepared to sneer at bad philosophers of either sex.

‘We regard Vespasian as stingy,’ Heras confided. Uncle Fulvius kept a good cellar. Heras had drunk wine with us, perhaps more than he was used to and certainly more than made him wise. ‘We call him the Salt-fish-seller. Because,’ he thought it necessary to add, ‘when he was here, it is said he did that.’

‘Better not insult the Emperor too loudly,’ Aulus warned him quietly. ‘You never know who may be listening. Do not forget: Marcus Didius works for the man.’

‘You are in his power?’ Heras asked me. I chewed a date thoughtfully.

‘Who knows?’ shrugged Aulus. ‘Perhaps Marcus Didius also seeks reputation in order to earn money - or perhaps he has enough character to remain his own man.’

Old and wise, I remained silent. Sometimes I had no idea myself how much I had capitulated and sold my soul to keep my family, or how much I simply played along and guarded my integrity.

Helena’s eyes were on me again, shadowed in the lamplight. Full of thoughts, full of private assessment; if I was lucky, still full of love.

I rolled, grasped wine and water flagons one in each hand, and refilled beakers. Helena declined; I kept Albia’s share minimal; I gave Aulus and Heras more water with it than they probably wanted. Then I took up the talk myself.

‘So tell me, lads -’ I included Aulus, so it looked less like a grilling of Heras. ‘What do you know about the running of the Library?’

Heras had round eyes. ‘You think there is a scandal there?’

‘Whoa! It was a neutral question.’

‘Neutral?’ Heras considered the concept. He was as wary as if I had just landed a deep sea monster, never seen before.