“Everything all right?” Marcel asked me when I was done.

I folded the letter and tucked it into my slicker with Marcel’s envelope of money. “Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“No reason. Just, a lot of guys get letters from home, it’s not necessarily good news.” For a moment neither of us spoke. “Well, think about the other, won’t you?”

“I will,” I said, and rose to go. “Thanks, Marcel. I really will give it some thought.”

I saw Ford that night at the Breakaway. Michelle was with me; she had left her daughter, Naomi, with her mother, our custom on nights when either of us had just been paid. Like all the bars in town, the Breakaway was little more than a dirty box to drink in, the scene of so many fistfights of such chaotic brutality that the owners had long since given up replacing the glass in the front windows and just left them boarded up. We decided to spring for a couple of real drinks, good Scotch in tumblers instead of the fifty-cent beers we otherwise drank. We were drinking our second when I saw Ford come in.

In a town like LeMaitre, a fishing boat captain, particularly one who was making money, has an exalted status. As Ford moved through the bar, the crowds parted in his path, all eyes on him and measuring his progress as he approached our table.

“Joe.” He removed his cap and raked his fingers back through his pepper-gray hair; around us the crowds returned to their beer and talk. “Shelle.”

“Have a seat, Ford?”

His eyes moved over the table. “Not just now, thanks. Heard the High Chap brought in seventy thousand.”

I shook the ice in my glass. “Felt like more.”

He nodded equably. “That’s what we like to hear. Everybody making money. I don’t like to press, Joe, but I’ve got a crew to put together. Had a chance to think about my offer?”

Early that morning, talking to Lewis, I’d found myself thinking I’d go; but now I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t Lucy’s letter, or even Marcel’s offer of a better job, that had unsettled me, but something else Marcel had said: that Abby didn’t want me to go. It felt like an omen, and I had been around the docks long enough to have picked up more than a trace of superstition. Nonsense, but there it was. On the other hand, three grand was three grand.

“A four percent share, Joe. Can’t hold your place much longer.”

“Who else is interested?”

“Lots of folks. Lewis O’Day, for one.”

“Lewis?”

“Spoke to me this afternoon. Said you could have first crack, but if you didn’t want it, he’d sign on. I’d rather have you.”

Michelle scoffed and ground out her cigarette in the ashtray we had already half filled. “That old rumhound? He’d probably fall overboard before you left the dock.”

Ford rubbed his chin thoughtfully, eyes narrowed. “No secret he drinks. But he’s been out to sea plenty in his day. I’m thinking I could rely on him well enough. And he’s clear he wants to go.”

I finished my drink and returned the empty glass to the table. The Scotch I’d drunk, or the thought of Lewis taking my place: whatever the reason, declining Ford’s offer suddenly seemed foolish, all air with nothing to push against. Abby would worry, but that was Abby. Nothing was keeping me here. A month at sea-what did I have to lose?

“Okay,” I said, and gave my glass a conclusive thump on the wood. “Count me in.”

Michelle sat up abruptly. “Joe-”

I didn’t let her finish. I looked at Ford again. “When do we leave?”

“Tuesday next. Back at the end of September.”

“All right. I’ll be there, Ford.”

He left us to go find the pay phone, and I turned my attention to Michelle. She was sitting stock-still, her spine straight against the back of the booth.

“What?”

“Why did you do that?”

“What’s the matter, Shelle? The money’s good, you know that.”

She laughed bitterly, looking away. “How can I be so goddamn stupid?”

“What are you talking about?”

As her eyes caught the light I saw a glint of tears. But her face was hard, her jaw set. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? I’ve been down this road before.”

“What road, Shelle? Are you listening? It’s just a month.”

“Foreman, Joe. That’s a good job. You didn’t even ask me.”

I reached my hand across the table to touch her arm, but she pulled away.

“Don’t,” she said, and sat back, her palms raised, her face almost in a panic. “Just… forget it, Joe. Will you? Please? Do me a favor and forget it.” Her eyes fell to the table and she shook her head again. “What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I such a fucking idiot?”

“I really don’t know what the problem is, Shelle. We’re going to the banks, that’s all.”

“Great, the banks. Have fun. Look us up when you get back, okay?”

A moment of silence passed. She lit another cigarette.

“Shelle-”

“That’s not the point, Joe.” She rose to her feet, not looking at me, and crushed out the cigarette she had only just lit, three hard stubs into the ashtray. “You asshole,” she said, and before I could answer-Michelle’s last words to me still ringing in my ears-I was sitting alone at the table with my empty glass.

We returned in October, ahead of the weather, making port on a day so bright with autumn sun that the surface of the sea seemed shattered. I’d said good-bye to no one-not Michelle, or Lewis, or even Abby and Marcel-and no one was waiting on the wharf to meet me. I wanted it that way. Michelle had seen it before I had. After that night at the bar, I knew what four years had turned me into: a man without love, on whom any kind of love was wasted. Once the hold was cleaned and tallied, I went to the weighing station with my duffel bag, took my share, and marched straight out to the loading docks behind the plant. A single refrigerated truck was parked there, the driver sitting on the running board, reading a fat paperback.

I held up my duffel bag to show him. “Mind some company?”

He lifted his broad face, squinting into the sun behind me. I hadn’t shaved or showered and had lost so much weight my pants were cinched tight at the waist with a lanyard. In my pocket, Ford’s wad of folded cash, three thousand and change, felt fat as a bar of soap.

He made no expression at all. “Don’t you want to know where I’m going?”

“Okay. Where are you going?”

He folded down a corner of the page to mark his place and closed his book. I glimpsed the title: The Godfather. “ Toronto.”

It didn’t seem far. “How about after that?”

“ Iowa.”

“ Iowa? What’s in Iowa?”

“Three vowels.” He slapped his knees and laughed like he’d been waiting his whole life to tell this joke. “Hell if I know what else.”

I thought about the border, and what might happen to me there. But I had already decided I didn’t care. “Sounds perfect,” I said, and heaved my bag up into the cab, though that was the easy part-I’d carried everything with me, and it still weighed almost nothing.