The woman lying next to him stirred and twisted her naked body toward him. Stan gasped at what he saw. His groin was reacting to just looking at her.

‘How do you feel?’ he asked her.

Gloria looked up at him with the eyes of a small animal. ‘Very happy.’

‘Me too,’ he said. ‘Do you know that you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen?’

Her body quivered. ‘Thank you.’

‘I mean it. And it’s been so long, Gloria. It’s been so long that I can’t remember ever feeling this close to someone.’

‘Do you mean it, Stan?’

‘Of course I do.’

‘Please don’t tease me.’

He lay back down and put his arm around her warm body. ‘I would never do that, Gloria. I… I don’t know if I should say this.’

‘Please,’ she urged.

‘Well, this may sound corny, but I feel like last night was the start of something wonderful.’

‘Really?’

‘I hope I’m not being too forward,’ he continued. ‘Usually, I’m pretty shy and laid-back. I don’t open to a person very easily. But it’s just that I feel so right when I’m with you. Like I can say anything.’

She smiled hopefully. ‘I feel the same way.’

‘You do?’

Gloria nodded. ‘I haven’t been with a man in over a year.’ She adjusted herself in the bed. Stan watched her. She had the nicest breasts he had ever seen. Large, round, firm. Mr Happy felt like a block of lead between his legs. ‘I want to tell you something before we go on with this.’

‘What is it?’ Stan asked.

‘It’s about my past.’

‘You already told me about that. It doesn’t matter to me, Gloria.’

‘Did I tell you about the last time I was with a man – or should I say men?’

Stan tried to hide the look of surprise on his face. ‘You don’t owe me any explanations.’

‘Unfortunately, I do. Then you can leave if you want.’

About a year ago, Gloria was living on the West Coast with a dope dealer. For about the millionth time in her life, Gloria was sure she had found the right man. Tony may have been a dope dealer and a small-time pornographer, but he was not like the others. He was gentle. He genuinely cared for her. True, he had her hooked on drugs but she had been an addict even before they met. And Tony said she had it under control, that to go through withdrawal would be painful at this stage. So he kept giving her the needles with heroin and the cocaine for her nose because he cared, because he did not want to see her suffer.

But there were still fits of depression for Gloria. She had no self-esteem, no self-respect. But that wasn’t so bad. Not as long as she could drug herself to a point where it did not matter. Sometimes, days would go by and she would not leave her bed. Sometimes, weeks would go by and she would not remember anything that had happened.

She had been living with Tony for about three months when he came home one day with a big-time dealer from Colombia. The three of them had dinner together but Gloria could not remember much about it. Tony had really given her some prime stuff and she was just flying. She did notice that the big-time dealer from Colombia was staring at her all the time. But that was nothing new. Men were always staring at her. And she was safe. Tony was there with her. And he loved her very much.

It was getting late and Gloria was feeling especially weary. ‘Tony?’

‘Yes, Gloria?’

‘I’m going to go to sleep now. I’m really tired.’

‘Okay. Say goodnight to our guest.’

She did. She held onto the railing as she steered her way up to the bedroom. She closed the door, took off her top and then slid off her pants.

‘Guapa! Beautiful!’

She spun, trying to cover herself with her hands. The Colombian opened the door and stepped in. ‘What are you doing up here?’

Tony stepped in from behind the Colombian. ‘It’s okay, baby.’

‘What… What’s going on?’

‘Mr Enrique is a very important supplier, Gloria. He’s asked for a little favor.’

‘But Tony – ’

‘It’s all right, baby. I’ll be right here. It’ll be fun.’

The wide-eyed Colombian quickly stripped down.

‘Tony, I don’t want to.’

Tony began to take off his clothes too. ‘For me, Gloria. Please.’

Trembling, she turned toward the Colombian. He stood in front of her completely naked. He reached out a hand and grabbed her breast roughly. Pain shot through her. He lowered his mouth toward her nipple.

‘Please don’t.’

Gloria was forced back, tears pouring down her cheeks. Tony held her down as the Colombian did as he pleased.

Stan held her. ‘It’s over now, Gloria. It’s over.’

‘No it’s not. I have to finish the story before I run out of nerve.’

The next morning, Gloria woke up feeling sore and dirty. She snorted a little cocaine and then made her way to the shower. She stayed under the powerful spray until the hot water ran out. She still did not feel clean.

Gloria did not cry that morning. For the first time, she saw clearly through the drugs. Nothing was different. Tony was not different. He was like Brad and Jeff and Stuart and Mike and J.J. and Kenny and all the others. He knew she was not worth loving, not worth caring for. She was just an object to abuse as he saw fit. And at long last, Gloria knew what she had to do. She finally realized how she could stop it. It was simple really.

She would kill herself.

She wondered how she should go about doing it. First she would call her sister Laura. She had not spoken to her for almost eight months but Gloria and Laura really loved one another. Her parents, well, they had given up on her a long time ago. But not Laura. It would be really nice to hear her voice one more time.

She picked up the phone and called. Laura was thrilled to hear from her. Laura thought it would be a great idea if they could get together soon. Gloria agreed. Maybe next week would be a good time.

‘Is everything all right, Gloria?’ Laura asked. ‘Why don’t you come home and stay with me for a while?’

Gloria declined the invitation, thanked her and hung up. Then she turned her attention to how she should kill herself. The answer came to her quickly. She would take a drug overdose. A friend of hers in San Francisco had done that about six months ago. Gloria resolved herself to her decision. Tomorrow night she would OD on heroin.

That night, Tony came home full of apologies and words of love. ‘I was so stoned, baby. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m so sorry, Gloria. Please forgive me.’

‘Do you really mean it, Tony?’

‘Sure, honey. I never knew it would hurt you. I love you, baby. I would never do something to hurt you. You know that.’

And Gloria thought that maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he did love her after all. Maybe he didn’t understand how she felt about what had happened. If he did, he would never have made her do it.

Tony continued to talk to her, to soothe her. He had received a new shipment too. Prime stuff. And she needed a fix. Her whole body was craving for a little prick from Tony’s needle. He shot her up with a very large amount of drugs.

Her mind became fuzzy, even more fuzzy than usual. She drifted back, her world spinning in a murky haze.

‘How do you feel, honey?’

‘I’m flying,’ she replied with a smile. ‘I’m flying.’

‘Good, baby. That’s real good.’

She felt his hand on her blouse. He was unbuttoning her top. He slipped it off and then he pulled down her shorts and panties. She began to giggle. ‘You want to do it now?’

‘Yeah, baby. I got something special planned.’

Special. That sounded nice. She closed her eyes as the drugs sped through her veins. It felt nice to be naked with Tony.

She felt him hold down her arms and legs. No reason to. She was not about to struggle, except that sometimes he liked that. The lights were suddenly very bright in her eyes. Tony must have pulled up the shade. But wait. How could he have pulled up the shades when he was holding her down?