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Barry Dave

Книга "Homes And Other Black Holes"

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  1. Dave Barry. Homes And Other Black Holes
    1. Introduction: Why It Was Probably A Mistake To Buy This Book
    2. Chapter 1. Getting Ready To Get Real Depressed
      1. Deciding Which House To Buy
      2. Neighborhood Checklist
      3. Choosing A Real Estate Broker
    3. Chapter 2. How To Pretend To Look Knowledgeably At Houses
      1. How Many Houses Should You Look At?
      2. Home Inspection Checklist
        1. The Roof
        2. The Floors
        3. The Plumbing
        4. The Electrical System
        5. Heating and Cooling
        6. Insects
    4. Chapter 3. How To Get Very Deeply Into Debt
      1. How To Negotiate Like A Real Slimeball
      2. Standard Agreement Of Sale
      3. Are You Financially Fit?
        1. Money You Have
        2. Money You Need To Buy A House
      4. The Ritual Closing Ceremony
      5. Budget Meals For New Homeowners
    5. Chapter 4. Moving: A Common Mistake
      1. Professional Movers: How To Get Your Possessions Back
      2. Moving Yourself
      3. The Garage Sale
      4. Getting A Bunch Of Empty Liquor Boxes And Hurling Things Into Them At Random
      5. Helpful Packing Hints:
      6. How To Move A Pet
      7. How To Move Children
      8. A Smart Moving Idea For Two-Car Families
      9. Moving Your Possessions Into Your New Home
      10. Unpacking
      11. What Condition The Previous Owners Will Have Left Your New Home In
      12. Getting Your New Phone, Gas, Electricity, Appliances, Cable Television, And Water Hooked Up
    6. Chapter 5. Making New Enemies
      1. Finding Somebody To Fix Your Car
      2. Selecting A Supermarket
      3. Joining Local Clubs And Organizations
      4. Giving Money To The Local Police Association
      5. Selecting A School For Your Child
      6. Enrolling Your Children In Several Dozen After-School Activities
    7. Chapter 6. It’s Noon: Do You Know Where Your Contractor Is?
      1. The Basic Contracting Process
    8. Chapter 7.Redecorating For Under 650,000 Dollars
      1. Refinishing Furniture
      2. Interior Design Hints From Top “Pros”
    9. Chapter 8. Good Housekeeping, Or Learning To Live With Filth
      1. Useful Home-Cleaning Hints
    10. Chapter 9. Practical Home Weapons Systems
      1. The Electronic Burglar Alarm System
      2. A Large, Stupid Dog
      3. One Final Word About Home Security
      4. Crimestopper Tips
    11. Chapter 10. A Lawn Is A Terrible Thing To Waste
      1. The Very First Lawn
      2. The Future: Lawns In Space
      3. Lawn Care In America
      4. Proper Lawnmower Care
      5. Shrubs
      6. Gardening
    12. Chapter 11. Getting Some Fool To Buy Your House
      1. The Best Way To Sell A House
      2. Do You Need A Real Estate Broker?
      3. How Much Should You Ask For Your House?
      4. Getting Your House Ready To Show
      5. Horrible Relatives
      6. How You Will Feel After You Finally Sign The Agreement Of Sale
    13. Index
    14. About The Author
    15. About The Illustritor