When I’d looked into every possible hiding spot on the main floor, I moved down to the basement.

That meant opening up countless boxes of things. Old books, family mementos-exclusively from my side-small appliances we no longer used, sleeping bags for camping trips, stuff from my days in college.

As in the rest of the house, the search was feverish, reckless. Items scattered everywhere in haste.

I was desperate to find something, anything, that might tell me who Jan really was or where she might have gone.

And I didn’t find a single goddamn thing.

Maybe that birth certificate that had been hidden behind the baseboard in the upstairs linen closet had been it. The only thing Jan had hidden in this house. Or if there had been other things, she’d been smart enough to take them with her, too, when she disappeared.

The birth certificate, and the envelope.

There’d been a key in that envelope, too. A strange-looking key, not a typical door key. A different kind of key.

Then it hit me what it probably was. A safe-deposit box key.

Before Jan had met and taken up with me, she’d put something away for safekeeping. And the time had come for her to go and get it.

And leave Ethan and me behind.

Slowly, I walked through our home and surveyed the damage I’d wrought. The house looked like a bomb had hit it.

There weren’t many places to sit down save for the stairs. I set my ass down on one of the lower steps, put my face into my hands, and began to cry.

If Jan really was dead, my life was shattered.

If Jan was alive, and had betrayed me, it wasn’t much better.

If Natalie Bondurant’s take on everything was right, it meant Jan was alive, and to save my own neck, I needed to find her.

But it didn’t mean I wanted her back.

As I wiped the tears from my cheeks, trying to focus through my watery eyes, I looked for something in all of this that was good. Something that would give me some hope, some reason to carry on.

Ethan.

I had to keep going for Ethan.

I had to get through this, find out what was going on, and stay out of jail, for Ethan.

I couldn’t let him lose his father. And I wasn’t about to lose my son.

FORTY-ONE

When Jan came out of the jewelry store and got into the pickup truck, she didn’t say anything. But Dwayne sensed something was wrong. Jan’s face was set like stone and her hand seemed to shake when she reached for the handle to pull the door shut.

“What’s going on?” Dwayne asked. “What’d they say?”

Jan said, “Just go.”

“Go where?”

“Just go. Anywhere. Just go.”

Dwayne turned the ignition, threw the truck into drive, and pulled out in front of a Lincoln that had to hit the brakes.

“What the hell’s wrong?” Dwayne said as he drove. “You look like you just saw a ghost. Or you’re constipated.” When Jan didn’t laugh, Dwayne said, “Come on, I’m trying to make a joke. What’d they say in that store?”

Jan turned and looked at him. “It’s all been for nothing.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“All of it. What we did, the waiting, everything. It’s all been for nothing.”

“Jesus, Connie, would you mind telling me what the fuck you’re talking about?”

“They’re worthless,” she said.

“What?”

“They’re fake, Dwayne!” she screamed at him. “They’re all cubic fucking something or other! They’re not diamonds! They’re fucking worthless! Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

Dwayne slammed on the brakes in the middle of the street. Behind him, a horn blared.

“What are you fucking telling me?” he said, foot on the brake.

“Are you deaf, Dwayne? Are you fucking hard of hearing? Let me tell it to you real slow so you’ll understand. They. Are. Worthless.”

Dwayne’s face had gone crimson. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were going white.

Another honk of the horn, and then the Lincoln pulled up alongside, hit the brakes, and a man shouted, “Hey, asshole! Where’d you learn to drive?”

Dwayne tore his hand off the wheel, reached under the seat for his gun, whirled around and pointed it out the window.

“Why don’t you give me a lesson?” he shouted.

The driver of the Lincoln floored it. The car squealed off.

Dwayne turned back to face Jan, gun in hand. “Tell me.”

“I showed this woman half a dozen of the diamonds. Picked them at random. She said they were all fake.”

“That is not possible,” Dwayne said through clenched teeth.

“I’m telling you what she said. They’re worthless!”

“You’re wrong,” he said.

“It’s not me who’s saying it,” Jan said. “She got out her fucking eye thing and studied them all.”

Dwayne was shaking his head furiously. “She’s wrong. Fucking bitch is playing some sort of game. Figured if she said they were worth next to nothing, she could make you a lowball bid. That’s what she was doing.”

“No, no,” Jan said, shaking her head. “She didn’t make any offer. She didn’t-”

“Not now,” Dwayne said. “But you can bet she’s just waiting for you to come back in and say, ‘What would you give me for these? A thousand, five hundred?’”

Jan screamed at him, “You’re not getting it! They’re not-”

He lunged across the seat and with his left hand-the gun was still in his right-he grabbed her around the throat and pushed her up against the headrest.

Jan choked. “Dwayne-”

“Now you listen to me. I don’t give a fucking rat’s ass what you were told by some stupid bitch back there. We have a guy who is prepared to give us six million for these diamonds, and I am quite prepared to accept his offer no matter what you say.”

“Dwayne, I can’t brea-”

“Or maybe… let me guess. Did she say the diamonds were actually worth more? But you figure, you’ll come back out and tell little ol’ Dwayne that they’re worth nothing, so I’ll figure, fuck it, let’s forget the whole thing and hit the road, while you go back and negotiate an even better deal and keep all the money for yourself? I had a sneaking suspicion this was always your game.”

Jan gasped for air as Dwayne maintained his grip on her neck. She tried to bat his arms away but they were like steel rods.

“You were able to play your little husband for all these years, so how hard could it be to play me for a few days, am I right? You wait till I get out, get the other key, get all the diamonds, and then figure out a way to get all the money, cut me out of the picture.”

Jan felt herself starting to pass out.

“You think I’m stupid?” Dwayne asked, his face in hers, his hot McDonald’s breath enveloping her. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing?”

Jan’s eyelids started to flutter, her head started to list to one side.

Dwayne took his hand away.

“Fuck this,” he said. “I’m trading these diamonds for our six million, and when I’ve got the money I’ll make a decision about what your share is going to be.”

Jan coughed and struggled to get back her breath. She put her own hand to her neck and held it there as Dwayne put the truck in gear and sped off down the street.

It was the closest she’d ever come to dying. Two thoughts had flashed across her mind before she thought it was all over.

I could do it. I could kill him.

And: Ethan.

Dwayne was driving around in circles, waiting until it was two o’clock and time to return for his money. Jan had sat quietly in the seat next to him, waiting until she thought he’d calmed down.

Finally, she whispered, “You need to listen to me.”

He poked his tongue around inside his cheek, not turning to look at her.

“All I want you to do is listen. Do what you want, but hear me out.” He didn’t tell her to shut up, so she continued. “If something seems too good to be true, it’s probably because it is.”

“Oh, please.”