I'd blown it.

Tears burned my eyes. I swiped them back.

"You really can see ghosts, can't you?" Rae whispered.

I said nothing.

"I heard what happened. You aren't even going to admit it to me now, are you?"

"I want to get out of here."

"News flash. We all do." An edge crept into her voice. "It's fine to lie to them. But I thought you were seeing ghosts even before you did. Who gave you the idea of looking up that guy you saw at your school? You looked him up, didn't you? You just didn't bother to tell me."

'That's not —"

She rolled over, her back to me. I knew I should say something, but I wasn't sure what.

When I closed my eyes, I saw Liz again and my stomach clenched.

Had I really seen her? Talked to her? I struggled for some other explanation. She couldn't be a ghost because I'd seen and heard her clearly —not like the ghost who'd called me up there. And she couldn't be dead. The nurses had promised we could talk to her.

When could we talk to her?

I struggled to get up, suddenly needing to know now. But I was so tired that I couldn't think straight and hovered there, propped up on my elbows, as the sleeping pill kicked in.

Something about Liz. I wanted to check. . . .

My head fell back to the pillow.

Twenty-one

THE NEXT MORNING WHEN I was called into a meeting with the doctors, I did my best damage control. I claimed 1 really had gotten past the I-see-dead-people stage and accepted my condition, but had woken up hearing a voice in the night, calling me to the attic. I'd been confused, sleep drunk, dreaming of seeing ghosts, not really seeing them.

Dr. Gill and Dr. Davidoff didn't fully appreciate the distinction.

Then Aunt Lauren arrived. It was like when I'd been eleven, caught peeking at test scores, egged on by the new classmates I'd been eager to impress. Being hauled to the principal's office had been bad enough. But the disappointment on Aunt Lauren's face had hurt worse than any punishment.

That day, I saw the same disappointment, and it didn't hurt any less.

In the end, I managed to persuade them all that I'd had a minor setback, but it was like the little boy crying wolf. The next time I said I was improving, they'd be a lot slower to believe me. No quick track to release now.

"We're going to need you to provide urine samples for the next week," Dr. Gill said.

"Oh, that's ridiculous," Aunt Lauren said. "How do we know she wasn't sleepwalking and dreaming? She can't control her dreams."

"Dreams are the windows to the soul," Dr. Gill said.

'That's the eyes," my aunt snapped.

"Anyone versed in psychiatry will tell you it's the same for dreams." Dr. Gill's voice was level, but her look said she was sick of parents and guardians questioning her diagnoses and defending their children. "Even if Chloe is only dreaming she sees ghosts, it suggests that, subconsciously, she hasn't accepted her condition. We need to monitor her with urine tests."

"I —I don't understand," I said. "Why do I need urine tests?"

"To ensure you're receiving the proper dosage for your size, activity level, food intake, and other factors. It's a delicate balance."

"You don't believe —" Aunt Lauren began.

Dr. Davidoff cleared his throat. Aunt Lauren pressed her lips into a thin line and started picking lint from her wool skirt. She rarely backed down from an argument, but these doctors held the key to my future.

I already knew what she'd been going to say. The urine tests weren't to check my dosage. They were to make sure I was taking my pills.

Since I'd missed morning classes, I was assigned lunch duty. I was setting the table, lost in my thoughts, when a voice said, "I'm behind you."

I spun to see Derek.

"I can't win," he said. "You're as skittish as a kitten."

"So if you sneak up and announce yourself, that's going to startle me less than if you tap me on the shoulder?"

"I didn't sneak —"

He shook his head, grabbed two rolls from the bread basket, then rearranged the others to hide the theft. "I just wanted to say that if you and Simon want to talk, you don't need to do it behind my back. Unless you want to."

"We were just —"

"I know what you were doing. Simon already told me. You want answers. I've been trying to give them to you all along. You just have to ask."

"But you said —"

'Tonight. Eight. Our room. Tell Mrs. Talbot you'll be with me for math tutoring."

"Your side is off-limits. Is she going to let me go up there, alone, with a boy?"

"Just tell her it's for math. She won't question it."

Because he had problems with math, I supposed.

"Will that be . . . okay? You and I aren't supposed to —"

“Tell her Simon will be there. And talk to Talbot, not Van Dop."

Twenty-two

RAE AND I DIDN'T SPEAK much all day. She wasn't nasty; Rae wasn't like that. She sat beside me in class and asked questions, but there was no chatter, no giggling or goofing off. Today we were classmates, no! friends.

Before dinner, when we'd normally hang out or do homework together, she took her books, retreated to the dining room, and closed the door.

After dinner, I followed her into the kitchen with my dirty plates.

"It's my turn to do laundry," I said. "Would you have a minute to show me how to use the machine?" I lowered my voice. "And I'd like to talk to you."

She shrugged. "Sure."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I said as she demonstrated the dials on the washer. "I'm . . . I'm having a hard time with it."

"Why? You can talk to the dead. How cool is that?"

It wasn't cool at all —it was terrifying. But I didn't want to sound like I was whining. Or maybe I just didn't want to sound like a wimp.

I dumped in the first load and added soap.

"Whoa, whoa! You'll give this place a bubble carpet." She took the soap box from me and scooped some of the detergent back out of the machine. "If you can prove you're seeing ghosts, why not just tell them?"

A perfectly logical question, but at the thought, some deep-rooted instinct screamed Don't tell! Never tell!

"I —I don't want to tell anyone the truth. Not yet. Not here."

She nodded and set the box aside. "Gill is a pencil pusher with all the imagination of a thumbtack. She'd keep you locked up in here until you stopped this 'ghost nonsense.' Better to save the spooky stuff for when you get out."

We sorted a basket of laundry in silence, then I said, "The reason I asked to talk to you down here is, well, there's a ghost."

She took a slow look around, wrapping a T-shirt around her hand like a boxer taping up for a fight.

"Not right now. I mean, there was a ghost in here. The same one I heard upstairs last night." Before Liz showed up. All day I'd been struggling not to think of Liz. If I was seeing her, didn't that mean . . .

Why hadn't I asked Mrs. Talbot when I could talk to Liz? Was I afraid of the answer?

" —he say?"

I shook it off and turned to Rae. "Hmm?"

"What did the ghost say?"

"It's hard to tell. He keeps cutting out. I think it's the meds. But he said he wanted me to open that door."

I pointed. Her head whipped around so fast she winced and rubbed her neck.

"That door?" Her eyes glittered. "The locked basement door?"

"Yes, cliché, I know. Whoooo, don't go into the locked room, little girl."

Rae was already striding to the door.

I said, "I thought maybe, we could, you know, check it out. Like open it."

"Duh, of course. I'd have done that days ago." She jiggled the handle. "How can you live with the suspense?"