As we lay resting peacefully together I thought to myself that this Macro immersion, which Carol and I had achieved, was so much more satisfying than any physical union I had ever experienced that I would never give it up voluntarily now that I had found it.

Yet, as I thought this, I heard Carol's voice in my mind saying, "But, Jon, you know that what we are enjoying is only temporal at best, lasting but a few minutes or hours. What we are both seeking is the infinite, timeless joy of total Macro awareness. Our anxiety regarding the possible loss of what we share only impedes our progress.

"We must move steadily on toward the ability to enjoy today fully without insisting that tomorrow hold the same thing. A foot must give up the security of one rung of a ladder before it can gain the security and achievement of a higher rung."

I sighed. "I know you're right, Carol. Every little girl knows that someday she will grow up and stop playing with dolls. Still, it would be difficult for her to imagine ever wanting to give them up."

"That's the nicest part, Jon. You don't ever have to give up anything that you don't want to give up. It's just that what you want to give up and what you want to keep changes with each plateau you reach. For example, I know that you no longer 'want to keep' having sexual unions with anyone whose soul vibrations are not very close to your own. Yet this is not because anyone told you, you had to give them up. It's the natural and inevitable evolution of the soul. Only by giving up the unevolved part of our micro load are we able to step one rung higher."

We kissed again with great longing and a tinge of sadness. Then I gently pushed Carol away from me and withdrew from her until we were separated by several feet. We lay for a while just looking at each other. Finally I said, "Carol, I'm not ready to give up my feelings for you. I want to possess you and cling to you, and I realize that these feelings are micro, not Macro."

"I feel the same way," she said. "Never before in this lifetime have I felt so intensely about anyone. But then, that's evolutionary, too. Each love we share prepares us to more fully experience the better one which lies ahead if we just evolve enough to be willing to take the risk of loving again and again as long as we live."

"It was two lifetimes ago that we lived together on that South Pacific island and loved each other as we love now," I recalled.

"You're thinking that if you hadn't remembered that past life your feelings for me wouldn't have grown so intense, aren't you?" Carol said.

"Yes," I said, "but I'm very happy that I did remember you, for that was the most enjoyable lifetime I have yet reviewed, in spite of its tragic ending."

"Oh, Jon," she said, "I love you so much, but I can remember a lifetime many ages ago which I shared with a twin soul, and I know that someday I will reunite with him just as someday you will reunite with Lea."

I thought about what she had just said and then I smiled.

"You're right, as always," I said. "When I'm with Lea I know that she represents ultimate completion for me. I know that I love her with every vibration of my soul, my mind, and my body. But, Carol, I also know that I love you with a love that is equal in ultimate value, if not in ultimate nature."

"It is this very problem," Carol replied, "that must be resolved in order to attain the highest levels of awareness."

"You mean," I said, "that Lea has already solved this problem?"

"Of course," Carol nodded. "She wouldn't be aquamarine if she hadn't been able to give up all micro desires many times. Certainly to be able to give you to me so that you may obtain Macro immersion and Macro contacts with me, not herself, demonstrates very highly evolved awareness and balance."

Now Carol closed the distance between us and was once more nestled in my arms. "Lea can remember," she continued, "lifetimes with you that you have not yet remembered. It's significant that when she was guiding you through the pages of your akashic record, that is, your memory records of the past, she did not select a lifetime which the two of you had shared."

"Why not?" I asked.

Carol answered, "Don't you realize that if she had shown you only the happy moments of completion between the two of you, there would have been no micro challenges to overcome?"

"You mean," I said, "like my problem of giving up my desires for you?"

"Yes," she replied. "After all, if she had helped you to relive only moments you had shared with her, you would not have remembered your past life with me and you would not have this overwhelming desire for me."

"My God!" I exclaimed. "She knew that she was intensifying my desires for you. She deliberately set up this problem."

"Let's more accurately say that you set it up in order to help yourself overcome the difficulty you have-in letting go of micro situations and relationships," Carol answered. "Lea knew that if she didn't help you overcome this problem you would not be able to achieve level-three awareness and you would be separated for at least another lifetime. And remember, she can recall the joy of Macro immersion with you, a twin soul. Yet she chose to give this up so that you might attain a greater goal-union with her and the Macro society for the rest of this lifetime.

"And if I don't achieve level-three awareness," I responded "she'll have sacrificed herself for nothing."

"Not for nothing, Jon. For growth.

"And not herself. Just a few days, weeks, or months of one lifetime. She knows that there are many more-or, converting it from our simultaneous-time concept to your linear-time concept-there will be many more. Besides, every failure is a success, and I'm sure that Lea doesn't forget that very often."

I nodded. "Even if I fail, she'll be able to accept it as bringing me that much closer to success. However, unless I have attained a rather high level of awareness, I won't be able to accept my failure in spite of the fact that I intellectually know I should."

"Tonight as we go to sleep," Carol suggested, "let's ementally reaffirm our plan for our growth."

"All right," I said. "I understand that we get what we really inwardly want most, so I guess it makes good sense to be specific about our intent."

"First," Carol began, "we will be joyously accepting of what is, knowing that it is our own perfect creation.

"Second, we will, in our daily activity, walk with an open hand-that is, we will 'hold on to' nothing.

"Third, we will accept every opportunity for growth and do our best to learn the lesson it offers.

"Fourth, we will live constantly in the joy of our macrocosmic oneness with all-or, stated within your concept of time-all that is, all that was, and all that ever will be.

"Let's keep these intentions, these paths, lightly and joyously within our essence as we drift off to sleep."

As I was falling asleep, I hoped that Carol was having better success than I in convincing myself that I had the strength and understanding to resolve our problem. I wanted it resolved, but I didn't want to pay the price. No matter how I argued with myself, I couldn't give up my anxiety about losing Carol.

Finally, exhausted from the struggle, I fell asleep.