I had to glance away for a moment. Then I shook my head. “If Bones cared about me, fucking his way up and down New Orleans was a funny way to show it.”

Spade regarded me with cynicism. “If you thought Crispin was yours, and you didn’t care for his actions, why weren’t you waiting for him after New Orleans instead of jetting off with Tepesh?”

My jaw dropped. “Do you hear yourself?”

“You’re not thinking like a vampire,” Spade muttered. “The sooner you’re done with your human perceptions, the better. Look, can we discuss your reasoning inadequacies later? If I have to smell this rancid air a moment longer, I’ll dry heave.”

“Inadequacies? Screw you!”

Spade gave me an arch smile. “You should be less concerned with what I’m saying and more focused on what you’ll say to Crispin when you try to convince him to change you into a vampire.”

That made my heart skip a beat. Spade heard it and snorted. “Got your attention now, don’t I? Crispin’s the one who has to do it. I certainly wouldn’t dare. He’d kill anyone who changed you, make no mistake.”

“How do you know I’ve decided to cross over, anyway?”

The sarcasm and flippancy were wiped from Spade, and he gave me the most serious look he’d bestowed on me.

“Come now, Reaper. We both know you’ve been hanging on to your humanity too long. You just needed a push, didn’t you?”

So many different things ran through my mind. I remembered all the years of my childhood, hiding my growing inhuman abilities so I didn’t upset my mother. Later in school, how out of place I’d felt pretending to be “normal” when nothing about me was normal. And later still, in my teens and early twenties hunting vampires, hadn’t my humanity been more of a disguise than how I felt inside? Then there was now, how frustrated I was that I was too weak to take Gregor on myself. With no element of surprise about my dual nature, I’d always be too weak to battle the really old, mega-Master vampires—as long as I stayed part human, that was.

But more than that, even if Bones and I were through, the situation with Gregor magically disappeared, and there were no ghoul rumblings, could I ever go back to living among humans, pretending to be just like them?

No. I couldn’t pretend anymore that all the things inside me weren’t there. Even if I walked away from the undead world for good, I’d still be more vampire than human. And if I wasn’t going to walk away or try to pretend to be human again, then why was I still hanging on to my heartbeat? God, was Bones right? Had it really been just my deep-seated prejudice that held me back from taking this step before? There were a lot of reasons to change over. Did I have even one to stay the way I was?

“I’ll ask Bones to do it,” I heard myself say. “But he’ll probably say no.”

Spade didn’t have headphones to keep me from hearing where we were going. No, instead he whacked me a good one to make sure I stayed asleep for the majority of the trip. Spade was a Master vampire, so when I came to, damn, my head hurt.

“You should shower straightaway before you see him,” was Spade’s comment once I was awake. “You still smell dreadful. Crispin might refuse to sire you just because he won’t be able to stand getting close enough.”

I mentally cursed Spade up one side and down the other. Something cool brushed over my hand. Without opening my eyes, I knew it was Fabian, giving me his version of a sympathetic pat. He’d tagged along on this trip. Guess even a ghost couldn’t stand life at Trash Castle. At least Fabian never commented on my smell, one of the perks of not having a real nose.

“Ah, there it is,” Spade said. “No peeking; can’t have Gregor seeing a mailbox number in your sleep.”

I was so sick of being blinded wherever I went. If Bones refused to sire me, I knew where I was going next—straight to Vlad’s. I’d already called him and asked if he’d be willing to do the honors. His response had been an instant yes. I didn’t know what about me had inspired Vlad’s friendship, but I was grateful for it.

After another minute of driving, the car came to a stop. “Stay here,” Spade said. “I’ll announce us, then come get you.”

“You mean you’ll find out if he’s even going to let me step foot out of this car,” I replied with my eyes still closed.

“No worries about that. You’re getting out to wash even if I have to wrestle Crispin to the ground long enough for you to do it.”

“Thanks,” I said. Spade just shut the door, laughing. As Bones’s best friend, all his loyalty was to him, so Spade didn’t care about how hard this was for me, even without all his Smelly Cat comments.

Outside the car, I heard many voices, presumably from those in the house. I strained to pick up one in particular. It was hard to filter over the din, however. There were a lot of people here, wherever here was.

“…Crispin…” Spade’s voice, raised for a second.

“…brings you…?” Bones, the rest of it snatched away.

“…outside…” Spade was saying. “…see you…”

Why can’t everyone shut up for a minute so I can hear? I thought.

“…by all means…” From Bones.

That settled it. I sighed. “Looks like we’re going in after all, Fabian.”

“Good,” he said at once, then paused. “If that’s what you were hoping for, of course.”

In fact, a part of me had hoped Bones would refuse to even let me get out of the car. No such luck for my emotional well-being, though.

Moments later Spade opened my door. “Straight into the showers with you, he’ll see you afterward. I told him it would be in his best interests to wait.”

“Another comment about how I smell, and I’ll stab you through the heart,” I said, meaning it.

He clucked his tongue. “Vicious girl. Come along, take my arm—not so hard!”

I’d squeezed for all I was worth. Hearing Spade’s yelp made me smile. “You’ll have to get my clothes out of the trunk so I have something else to wear afterward, or showering will be a waste.”

“We’re inside,” Spade commented. “You can open your eyes.”

I did. Fabian floated in front of us as we walked along a very lovely foyer. Not a hint of crushed cars or garbage in sight. So this was where Bones was staying, while I’d been stuck under a trash mountain? You’re so wrong, Spade, I thought. Bones could obviously care less about me.

We walked farther down the hallway. An unknown vampire gave the three of us a curious look as he passed by.

“What’s that smell?” he wondered.

Fabian dematerialized, but not before I saw his grin. Spade began to laugh.

“Mind your own business,” I snapped, then lashed myself when the vampire blanched. God, how rude of me!

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Please don’t mind me, I’ve been stuck in an underground garbage can.”

Spade was still cracking up, so I elbowed him none too gently in the ribs.

“Can we get on with it?”

“Right away,” he agreed, wiping the pink from his eyes. “Carry on, young man,” he said to the dumbfounded vampire.

I walked away with as much dignity as I could muster, which in my case, was zero.