She could not read the emotion behind his words. It could have been deep sorrow or utter defiance of their judgment. She tried to find words that would answer to either. 'That scarcely seems fair. You cannot help what you are, any more than the young dragons can.'

'No. That is true. I could not prevent what was done to me, nor can I change what people made of me. But I know what I am and have decided to continue being what I am. That is not the decision a dragon would make. And thus do I know for myself that I am not a dragon.'

'Then what arc you?' she asked unwillingly. She didn't like the direction the conversation was going in. His words seemed almost an accusation. Did she feel tension emanating from the figurehead or was she imagining it?          

'I am a liveship,' he replied, and although he spoke without rancour, there was a depth of feeling to his voice that seemed to thrum though the very planking under her feet. A finality filled those words, as if he spoke of an unending, never-changing fate. He did, she realized abruptly.

'How you must hate us for what we did to you.' Behind her, she heard Sedric give a small gasp of dismay. She ignored him.

'Hate you?' Paragon slowly digested her words before he spoke again. He did not turn to look at her, but kept his eyes focused on the river ahead of him as the ship moved steadily against the current. 'Why would I waste my time with hate? What was done to me was unforgivable, of course. Completely unforgivable. Those who did it are no longer alive to be punished or to apologize. Even if they were and did, it would not undo what they did. The torments I endured cannot be undone. The stolen future cannot be given back to me. The companionship of my own kind, the chance to hunt and kill, to fight and mate, to live a life in which I am neither servant or master; all those things are forever lost to me.'

He did glance back at her now; the blue of his eyes had paled to an icy grey. 'Can you think of anything that anyone could do to make up for it? Any sacrifice that could be offered that would be adequate reparation?'

Her heart was beating so hard that there was a ringing in her ears. Was that why he had rolled so many times and taken so many human lives? Did he think that enough humans had died in expiation for that sin against him, or would he demand more?

She hadn't answered his questions. His voice was a bit more penetrating as he nudged her with 'Well? What sacrifice would be adequate?'

'None that I can think of,' she replied softly. She tightened her grip on the railing, wondering if he would immediately turn turtle and drown them all.

'Neither can I,' he replied. 'No vengeance could resolve it. No sacrifice would make reparations for it.' He returned his gaze to the river. 'And so I have decided to move beyond it. To be what I am now, in this incarnation, as no other is available to me. To have what life I may for as long as the wood of this body lasts me.'

She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. 'Then you have forgiven us?'

Paragon gave a quiet snort. 'Wrong on two points. I haven't forgiven anything. And I don't believe in the "us" you think I might take vengeance on. You didn't do this to me. But even if you had, killing you would not undo it.'

Behind her, Sedric suddenly spoke. 'This is the not the attitude I would have expected from a dragon.'

Paragon gave a snort, half contempt, half amusement. 'I told you. I am not a dragon. And neither are those creatures that you intend to visit and study. That's why I called you forward. To tell you that. To tell you that there's no point to your journey. Studying those pathetic wretches will not teach you anything about dragons. No more than studying me would.'

'How can they not be dragons?'

'In a world where dragons lived, they would not have survived.'

'Other dragons would have killed them?'

'Other dragons would have ignored them. They would have died and been eaten. Their memories and knowledge would have been preserved by those who fed upon them.'

'It seems cruel.'

'Would it have been crueller than enabling them to exist as they are now?'

She took a breath and then tried to speak boldly. 'You have chosen to continue as you are. Should not they be given that choice?'

The muscles in his broad back tightened and she felt a gout of fear. But when he turned back to her, there was a spark of respect in his blue eyes that had not been there before. He gave her a slow nod. 'A point. But I still ask you to keep in mind, when you study those things, that they cannot teach you what dragons were. I am told that half of them hatched without the memories of their ancestors. How can they be dragons when they emerge not knowing what a dragon is?'

His comment carried her thoughts on a new current. 'But you do. Because despite the shape you now inhabit, your dragon memories would be intact.' She gripped the ship's rail tightly as a wild hope filled her. 'Oh, Paragon, would you talk about them with me? It would be such an opportunity for me as a scholar of dragons, to hear first hand what you recall! The very concept that dragons can recall their previous lives is so hard for humans to grasp. I should so dearly love to listen to whatever you wished to tell me, and to make a complete record of all you recall. Such conversations alone would make my journey worthwhile! Oh, please, say that you will!'

A taut quiet followed her words. 'Alise,' Sedric said warn-ingly, 'I think you should come away from the railing.'

But she clung there, even though she, too, could feel the wave of uneasiness that swept though the ship. The smoothness went out of his sailing; the deck under her feet shifted subtly. Surely it was her imagination that the wind flowed more chill than it had? Paragon spoke into the roaring silence.

'I choose not to remember,' he said. Alise felt as if his words broke a spell. Sound and life came suddenly back to the world. It included the sudden thud of feet on the deck behind her. A woman's voice said, without preamble, 'I fear you're upsetting my ship. I'll have to ask you to leave the foredeck.'

'She's not upsetting me, Althea,' Paragon interjected as Alise turned to see the captain's wife advancing on her. Alise had met her when they embarked and had spoken with her several times, but still did not feel at ease with her. She was a small woman who wore her hair in a long black pigtail down her back. She dressed in sailor's garb; it was well tailored and of quality fabric, but for all that, she was a woman in trousers and a jacket. Less feminine garb Alise could not imagine, and yet the very inappropriateness of it seemed to emphasize her female form. Her eyes were very dark, and right now they sparked with either anger or fear. Alise retreated a step and put her hand on Sedric's arm. For his part, he turned his body so that he stood almost between them and said, 'I'm sure the lady meant no harm. The ship asked us to come up and speak with him.'

'That I did,' Paragon confirmed. He twisted to look over his shoulder at all of them. 'No harm done, Althea, I assure you. We were speaking of dragons, and quite naturally, she asked me what I recalled of being one. I told her that I chose to recall nothing at all.'

'Oh, Ship,' the woman said, and Alise felt as if she had disappeared. Althea Trell did not even glance at her as she moved forward to take Alise's place at the bow. She leaned on the railing and stared far ahead up the river as if sharing the ship's thoughts.

'Par'gon!' A child's voice piped suddenly behind them. Alise turned to watch a small boy of three or four clambering onto the raised foredeck. He was bare-armed and bare-legged, and baked dark by the sun. He scampered forward, dropped to his hands and knees and thrust his head out under the ship's railing. Alise gasped, expecting him to pitch overboard at any moment. Instead he demanded the ship's attention with a strident, 'Par'gon? You awright?' His babyish voice was full of concern.