It was a small and simple promise I'd made to myself. I doubted it would be easy to carry out, but it was the only comfort I could find to offer myself.
'You look a different man when you talk like that,' Swift said in a hushed voice. He leaned close to me. 'When you talk like that, you have a wolf's eyes.'
I shook my head and smiled. At least, my teeth showed. 'No. No wolf wastes time on vengeance, and that is what this is. Vengeance, pure and simple. When people look most vicious, what you are seeing is not their animal side. It is the savagery that only humans can muster. When you see me loyal to my family, then you see the wolf.'
He touched a finger to his dangling earring. He knit his brows and asked, 'Do you want me to stay with you? You should not face this alone. And, as you have seen, I did not lie. I am good with a bow.'
'You are indeed. But you have other duties, more pressing ones. Burrich has no chance at all if he stays here. Get him onto the ship and back to Zylig. They may have skilled healers there. At the very least, they will have a place that is warm, with decent food and a clean bed for him.'
'My father is going to die, FitzChivalry. Let us not pretend otherwise.'
Oh, the power that lurks in the naming of names. I let go. 'You are right, Swift. But he need not die in the cold, under a piece of flapping canvas. That much we can give him.'
Swift scratched his head. 'I want to do my father's will in this. I think he would tell me to stay with you. That I cannot be as useful to him as I could be to you.'
I thought about it. 'Perhaps he would. But I do not think your mother would tell you that. I think you need to be with htm. He may rally again, before the end, and what words he may have for you could be precious ones. No, Swift. Go with him. Be with him, for me'
He did not reply, but bowed his head to my words.
Even as we spoke, men were dismantling our camp and loading it aboard the ship. I think it shocked Swift when it was the Outislanders who came for him and Burrich. Bear came, to incline his head gravely to the boy and ask the honour of transporting him and his father aboard the Hetgurd ship. 'Demon-slayers', he named both of them, and I think it shocked Swift to realize that he had been left to grieve in isolation out of respect, not out of negligence. The Owl, their bard, sang them aboard the Bear ship, and though he twisted the words in their Bard's tongue, still I heard with throat-choking pride of the man who had brought the dragon-demon to its knees and the boy who slew it to set the Pale Woman's hostages free. Weh, I noted, rode out in the boat with them, and would be taking ship with Swift. This comforted me. I did not want the lad to be alone among strangers, no matter how they might honour him when Burrich died, and I feared he would not live to see Zylig port.
Then the Prince was at my side, demanding to know which ship I was embarking upon. 'You are welcome on either, but it will be close quarters no matter which you choose. They did not expect to carry off this many people. We shall be packed like salt-fish in a keg. Chade, in his wisdom, has chosen to separate me from the Narcheska, so I will be on the Bear ship. Chade goes on the Boar ship with Peottre and his women, for he hopes to further advance the final negotiations of our alliance during the voyage'
I had to smile, despite my heavy heart. 'Alliance, you still call it? It has begun to look like a wedding to me. And have you given Chade reason to think it best to separate you from Elliania for the voyage to Zylig?'
He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth quirking. 'Not I! It was Elliania who proclaimed she was satisfied as to her challenge to me to be worthy of her, and declared that she now regarded me as her husband. I do not think her mother was entirely pleased, but Peottre declined to oppose her. Chade has tried to explain to Elliania the necessity of my vowing to her in my "mothershouse", but she will have none of that. She asked him, "And what is a man, to oppose a woman's will in this matter?'"
'I would have loved to hear his reply to that,' I said.
'He said, "Truly, lady, I do not know. But my queen's will is that her son shall not bed with you unI'll you have stood before her and her nobles in her house, and proclaimed that you are satisfied he is worthy of you.'"
'And did she accept that?'
'Not graciously.' The Prince was obviously flattered by his bride-to-be's eagerness. 'But Chade has extracted a promise from me that I will act with restraint. Not that Elliania has made that easy for me. Ah, well. So I sail on the Bear ship and she on the Boar. Chade will be on the Boar, and we think Thick, for the Outislanders have made much of him and his Eda's Hands. So. Which one for you? Come on the Bear. You can be with Burrich and Swift and me.'
'Neither ship will I board. But I'm glad to hear you'll be on the Bear ship with Swift. This is a hard time for him. He may bear it better among friends.'
'What do you mean, neither?I
Time to announce it, 'I'm staying here, Dutiful. I need to go back and try to find the Fool's body.'
He blinked, considering it, and then, in an act of understanding that warmed me, simply accepted that I had to do it. 'I'll stay with you, of course. And you'll need some men, if you're hoping to tunnel down through the dragon pit.'
It touched me, that he did not argue the necessity of it, and that he offered to delay his own triumph. 'No. You go on. You've a Narcheska to claim and an alliance to create. I'll need no one, for I'm hoping to go back in where Riddle and the others came out.'
'That's a fool's errand, Fitz. You'll never find it again. I listened to Riddle's answers as closely as you did.'
I smiled at his choice of words. 'Oh, I think I will. I can be tenacious about things like this. All I ask is that you leave me what food you can spare and any extra warm clothing you have. It may take me some time to accomplish this.'
He looked uncertain at those words. 'Lord FitzChivalry, forgive me for saying this, but this may be a rash risk of yourself, for no gain. Lord Golden is beyond feeling anything. There is little chance you will find a way back in, let alone find his body. I do not think I am wise to allow this.'
I ignored his final statement. 'And that is another thing. You will be going back to enough chaos. You scarcely need Lord FitzChivalry's resurrection in the midst of it. I suggest that you meet quietly with your Wit-coterie and still all their tongues about me. I've already spoken to Longwick. I don't think I need worry about Riddle. Everyone else is dead.'
'But. . . the Outislanders know who you are. They've heard you called by that name.'
'And it has no significance for them. They won't recall my true name any more than I can recall Bear's or Eagle's. I'll simply be the crazy one who stayed on the island.'
He threw his hands wide in a gesture of despair. 'And we are still back to you remaining on this Island. For how long? UnI'll you starve? UnI'll you find that your quest is as fuI'lle as mine was?'
I pondered it briefly. 'Give me a fortnight,' I said. 'A fortnight from now, arrange for a boat to come back here for me. If I haven't succeeded in a fortnight, I'll give it up and come home.'
'I don't like this,' he grumbled. I thought he would argue further, but then he countered with, 'A fortnight. And I won't wait to hear from you, so do not Skill to me to beg for more time. In a fortnight, there will come a boat to this beach to take you off. And regardless of your success or failure, you will meet it and board it. Now, we have to hurry, before they've finished loading everything.'
But in the end, that was an idle fear. The crews were actually unloading things from the ships to make more room for the extra passengers. Chade grumbled and swore at my stubbornness, but in the end, he had to give way to me, mostly because I would not change my mind and everyone else was in a great rush to leave on the change of the tide.