My heart sank. I recognized Chade’s obsession for what it was. Often and often had I seen him go through such fevers of fascination. Once his mind seized on an area of study, he would pursue it until he grasped it thoroughly. Or until another frenzy stole his attention away. ‘So.’ I attempted to speak lightly. ‘Does this mean you will set aside your explosive experiments for a time?’
For an instant, he looked puzzled, as if he had completely forgotten. Then, ‘Oh. That. I think I’ve discovered what I was attempting to discern about that. There are ways it may be useful, but it is too difficult to regulate to rely upon it. He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. ‘I have set it aside. This is far more important for me to grasp now.’
‘Chade.’ I spoke quietly. ‘You must not venture alone into this. Even more, you must not draw Thick in after you. I hope you can see now that I speak for concern for you, not to hold you back from any selfish secret of mine.’ I took a breath. ‘You need a foundation. When I have my strength back, when Dutiful and Thick and I resume studying together, you must come to the tower with us.’
He was silent for a time, studying me. ‘And Lord Golden?’ He cocked his head at me. ‘You did say before that he, too, was a member of this coterie.’
‘Did I?’ I feigned confusion for a moment. ‘Oh. He was there, at my healing. And I thought I felt… do you think he truly contributed to my healing?’
Chade looked at me oddly. ‘Don’t you think you would be a better judge of that than I? You told me he did, but a day ago.’
I looked at my strange but strong reluctance to bring the Fool into our Skill lessons. He would not come anyway, I told myself, and then wondered if I were right. ‘I could tell he was there, but I could not tell what he was doing’ I amended.
Chade’s manner was grave. ‘Guiding us, I thought. He said he had been part of something similar once, when Nighteyes was stricken.’ He paused, then said without inflection, ‘He knows you well. I think that was what he contributed most. He knows you well and he seemed to know… a way into you.’ He sighed. ‘Fitz, you have already admitted as much.’
‘He was there when I used both the Wit and the Skill to heal the wolf. But he did not help with the healing. He helped me recover myself afterwards.’ Then I stopped. After a time, I said, ‘The reticence and secrecy. Does it become a habit? I swear, Chade, I don’t know why… Damn this. Yes. The Fool and I have a Skill-bond. Thin but there, a remnant from when he first got the Skill on his fingers when he touched Verity and then me. And when he used it to pull me back to my body, it grew stronger. I suspect that if I considered it, I would find it stronger still since this healing. I rather doubt that he has any true Skill of his own. Only what is on his fingers, and perhaps his bond can only be with me.’
Chade smile almost guiltily. ‘Well. A double relief. To hear you speak truth to me, and to let me know that… well. I’ve known the Fool a long time. I value him. But there is still about him a strangeness, even when he masquerades as Lord Golden that can make me uneasy at times. He knows too much, it sometimes seems, and at other times, I wonder if the things that matter to us concern him at all. Now that I have experienced the Skill a bit, and realized how open it makes us to one another… well. As you say, reticence and secrecy become a habit. A habit we both must preserve if we are to live. I am as reluctant to make the Fool privy to all my secrets as I am to share his.’
His honesty jolted me, and his opinion confounded me. And yet, he was right. It felt good to know there was honesty between us. ‘I will speak to Lord Golden myself about what place he holds in our coterie,’ I said. ‘Much depends on what he is willing to do. No one can be forced to aid us.’
‘Yes. And patch this foolish quarrel between you at the same time. Being in the same room with you two is as comfortable as standing between two snarling dogs. Who knows who will get bitten when they finally decide to rush one another?’
I ignored that. ‘And you will join us in the Skill-tower for our lessons?’
‘I will.’
I waited, then decided that this, too, was a thing that must be spoken openly. ‘And your private Skill experiments?’
‘They will go on,’ he said quietly. ‘As they must. Fitz, you know me. And you know the pattern of my years. Always I have learned alone and quietly, and always when I discovered a thread of learning that I felt I must possess, I pursued it ardently. Do not ask me to change that now. I cannot.’
And I truly believe he spoke the truth there, also. I sighed heavily, but did not dare try to forbid it to him. ‘Go carefully then, my friend. Go very carefully. The currents are strong and the footing treacherous. If you are ever swept away…’
‘I’ll be careful’ he said. And then he left me, and I crawled into the bed that was now more mine than his, and dropped into a deep, dreamless sleep.
TWENTY-TWO
Connections
Your estimation of the funds needed for this journey has fallen far short of the reality, nor would I have undertaken this inquiry if I had fully known about the foul weather, foul food and fouler people who inhabit these islands. I shall expect exceptional remuneration when I return.
I succeeded at last in visiting your demon-blasted island. Securing passage to visit that piece of ice and rock took the last of my insufficient funds, plus a day’s labor of my stacking salt cod for a foul-tempered sea-bitch. The boat offered was leaky and unwieldy, of a kind I have never before seen and without proper oars. It was a miracle that I was able to navigate the icy waters to reach Askvjal. Once there, I landed on a black and rocky shore. The glacier that once covered the entire island right down to the tideline seems to have retreated. An abandoned dock and pilings are visible, but all pieces that were easily scavenged are gone. The beach gives onto a wasteland of black stone. Tiny pockets of soil support little more than moss and scrubby grasses. There may have been crude buildings here at some time, but like the docks, any thing usable was taken. Stone quarrying has evidently taken place here in the past but from the look of the place, has been abandoned for at least a decade. Immense blocks of stone were cut and lined up end-to-end as for an immense wall, but it is a wall that begins and ends with a single run of blocks. Apparently efforts were made to chisel this run of stone into some sort of a horizontal statue, but the attempt was abandoned before it was even a quarter finished. It was impossible for me to discern what it was meant to be.
I walked as much of the beach as was bared and ventured briefly onto the glacial ice before nightfall caught me there. I saw no dragon, neither alive nor trapped in ice, nor anything even remotely resembling a live creature. I groped my way back to the beach and spent an icy night sheltered behind the stone blocks. Not a scrap of wood for a fire. I slept poorly, being troubled by horrendous dreams in which I was one of a mob of Six Duchies folk trapped in a dreadful stone prison. When dawn came, I was thankful to leave. Any other should take care to bring with them everything to this island, as it certainly offers nothing to a man.
— Report to Chade Fallstar, unsigned
Restoring my scars had delayed the recovery of my strength. For the next three days, I withdrew into myself and regaining my health. I slept and ate and slept again. I remained at the workroom. Chade himself brought meals to me. They followed no regular schedule, but he brought ample quantities of food when he did come, and I had the hearth for making tea or heating soup so it mattered little.
There were no windows in the workroom, and time lost all meaning for me. I returned to the wolfish habits I had shared for years. At dawn and at twilight I was most alert, and during those times I studied the scrolls. Then I ate, and dozed in front of the fire, or slept in the bed for the rest of the day's circle. Not all my waking hours were spent in reading. I amused myself and Gilly by hiding bits of meat when he was not in the room and then watching him ferret them out when he returned. I did simple projects such as suited my fancy. I made a board for playing the Stones game, burning the lines into it, and then carved the markers from a whale tusk that Chade had said I might use. I dyed them red and black, and left an equal quantity unmarked. I hoped for a game with Chade in vain, however. He spoke little to me of his Skill-studies, and when he came and went he seemed always in a hurry. Likely it was for the best. I slept more deeply when I was left alone.