We tried the rooster feathers in the crown one evening, but the shafts of the feathers were too thin for the sockets, so the feathers sprawled in all directions. We both knew without speaking that they were completely wrong. Another evening, the Fool set out the crown on my table, and selected brushes and inks from my stores. I took a chair to one side to watch him. He arranged all carefully before him, dipped a brush in blue ink, and then paused, thinking. We sat still and silent so long that I became aware of the sounds of the fire burning. Then he set down the brush. "No," he said quietly. "It feels wrong. Not yet." He rewrapped the crown and put it back in his pack. Then one evening, while I was still wiping tears of laughter from my eyes at the end of a ribald song, the Fool set aside his harp and announced, "I must leave tomorrow."
"No!" I protested in disbelief at his abruptness, and then, "Why?"
"Oh, you know," he replied airily. "It is the life of a White Prophet. I must be about predicting the future, saving the world all those minor chores. Besides, you've run out of furniture for me to carve on."
"No, really," I protested. "Cannot you stay at least a few more days? At least, stay until Hap returns. Meet the boy."
He sighed. "Actually, I have stayed far longer than I should. Especially since you insist you cannot go with me when I leave. Unless?" He sat up hopefully. "You have changed your mind?"
I shook my head. "You know I have not. I can scarcely go off and abandon my home. I must be here when Hap comes back."
"Ah, yes." He sagged back into his chair. "His apprenticeship. And you do have chickens to care for."
The mockery in his voice stung. "It may not seem much of a life to you, but it's mine," I pointed out sourly.
He grinned at having needled me. "I am not Starling, my dear. I do not disparage any man's life. Consider my own, and tell me what height I look down from. No. I go to my own tasks, as dull as they must seem to one who has a whole flock of chickens to tend and rows of beans to hoe. My own tasks are just as weighty. I've a flock of rumors to share with Chade, and rows of new acquaintances to cultivate at Buckkeep."
I felt a twinge of envy. "I expect they will all be glad to see you again."
He shrugged. "Some, I suppose. Others were just as glad to see me go. And most will not recall me at all. Most, verging on all, if I am clever." He rose abruptly. "I wish I could just stay here," he confessed quietly. "I wish I could believe, as you seem to, that my life is my own to dispose of. Unfortunately, I know that is not true for either of us." He walked to the open door and looked out into the warm summer evening. He took a breath as if to speak, then sighed it out. A time longer he stared. Then he squared his shoulders as if making a resolve and turned back to me. There was a grim — si, smile on his face. "No, it is best I leave tomorrow. You'll follow me soon enough."
"Don't count on that," I warned him.
"Ah, but I must," he rejoined. "The times demand it. Of both of us."
"Oh, let someone else save the world this time. Surely there is another White Prophet somewhere." I spoke lightly, intending my words as jest. The Fool's eyes widened at them, and I heard a shudder as he drew breath.
"Do not even mention that future. It bodes ill for me that there is even the seed of that thought in your mind. For truly, there is another who would love to claim the mantle of the White Prophet, and set the world into the course that she envisions. From the beginning, I have struggled against her pull. Yet in this turning of the world, her strength waxes. Now you know what I hesitated to speak of more openly. I shall need your strength, my friend. The two of us, together, might be enough. After all, sometimes all it takes is a small stone in a rut for a wheel to lurch out of its track."
"Mm. It does not sound like a good experience for the stone, however."
He turned his eyes to mine. Where once they had been pale, they now glowed golden and the lamplight danced in them. There was both warmth and weariness in his voice. "Oh, never fear, you shall survive it. For I know you must. And hence I bend all my strength toward that goal. That you will live."
I feigned dismay. "And you tell me not to fear?"
He nodded, and his face was too solemn. I sought to turn the talk. "Who is this woman you speak of? Do I know her?"
He came back into the room and sat down once more at the table. "No, you do not know her. But I knew her, of old. Or rather I should say, I knew of her, though she was a woman grown and gone while I was just a child…" He glanced back at me. "A long time ago, I told you something of myself. Do you remember?" He did not wait for an answer. "I was born far, far to the south, of ordinary folk. As much as any folk are truly ordinary… I had a loving mother, and my fathers were two brothers, as is the custom of that place. But from the moment I emerged from my mother's womb, it was plain that the ancient lineage had spoken in me. In some distant past, a White had mingled his blood with my family lines, and I was born to take up the tasks of that ancient folk.
"As much as my parents loved and cherished me, they knew it was not my destiny to stay in their home, nor to be raised in any of their trades. Instead, I was sent away to a place where I could be educated and prepared for my fate. They treated me well there, and more than well. They too, in their own way, cherished me. Each morning I was questioned as to what I had dreamed, and all I could recall was written down for wise men to ponder. As I grew older and waking dreams overtook me, I was taught the art of the quill, that I might record my visions myself, for no hand is so clear as the one that belongs to the eye that has seen." He laughed self-deprecatingly and shook his head. "Such a way to raise a child! My slightest utterances were cherished as wisdom. But despite my blood, I was no better than any other child. I made mischief where I would, telling wild tales of flying boars and shadows that carried royal bloodlines. Each wild story I told was larger than the last, and yet I discovered a strange thing. No matter how I might try to foil my tongue, truth always hid in my utterances."
He cast his glance briefly toward me, as if expecting me to disagree. I kept silence.
He looked down. "I suppose I have only myself to blame that when finally the biggest truth of all blossomed in me and would not be denied, no one would believe me. The day I proclaimed myself the White Prophet that this age had awaited, my masters shushed me. 'Calm your wild ambitions, they told me. As if anyone would ever desire to take on such a destiny! Another, they told me, already wore that mantle. She had gone forth before me, to shape the fu' ture of the world as her visions prompted her. To each age, there is only one White Prophet. All know that. Even knew that was so. So what was I? I demanded of them. And they could not answer what I was, yet they were sure of what I was not. I was not the White Prophet. Her they had already prepared and sent forth."
He took a breath and fell silent for what seemed a long time. Then he shrugged.
"I knew they were wrong. I knew the trueness of their error as deeply as I knew what I myself was. They tried to make me content with my life there. I do not think they ever dreamed I would defy them. But I did. I ran away. And I came north, through ways and times I cannot even de-scribe to you. Yet north and north I made my way, until I came to the court of King Shrewd Farseer. To him I sold myself, in much the same way you did. My loyalty for his protection. And scarce a season had I been there before the rumor of your coming rattled that court. A bastard. A child unexpected, a Farseer unacknowledged. Oh, so surprised they all were. All save me. For I had already dreamed your face and I knew I must find you, even though everyone had assured me that you did not and could not exist."