"I heard about it. The one that got loose?"

"Uh-huh. They were scared silly of it. People would go over to the lab every night for the feeding sessions to give themselves nightmares. Jillanna took me the night before I met you. They were feeding it dogs. Rangle was one of them?"

"Really?" Marcie looked delighted at the joke. "That's funny. That was just what that dumb dog deserved." But when she looked up, there were tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm so stupid. Look at me: my machinery is still working. An ape feeds a dog to a worm and then cries about it." She wiped at her eyes. "I had a lot of identity invested in that dog. Stupid of me. Real stupid."

"No it isn't," I said. "It's part of the process. You have to complete that before you can move on to the next thing. You were way down there, Marcie. You were a zombie. You were underwater. You've got a lot of stuff left-we all do-it's just part of the job. It's all right to cry."

"I know. But I'm annoyed now-because I thought I'd finished all that stuff long ago. Boy, just when you thought it was safe to go back in your head . . ." She stood up, I stood up with her.

The two little Chtorrans looked at us curiously and squealed with dismay.

"I'm sorry," Marcie said. "That's all there is."

They didn't believe her. They waggled their eyes at us. They bounced and flounced. They humped and pumped. They squeaked and squealed.

Marcie held her hands out for them to see. I did likewise. We turned the box on its side so they could see into it. One of them poked its face in and snorfled around for a moment. When it pulled out, the other examined the box with equal thoroughness. "Brrroooot," it said.

"You little monsters!" Marcie scolded. "How many puppies can you eat in a day anyway. Give me a break. How do you expect anyone to treat you like gods if you insist on acting like stomachs? You guys got a lot to learn."

They lowered their eyes in shame. But they weren't ashamed. It was part of the act. They began sniffing the floor of the pool, examining a few spurts of blood curiously.

Murcie and I left them to their explorations. We climbed out and started heading back toward the camp.

"Are we going to get more food for them soon?"

"Oh, yes. That's being handled. We sent the truck to Sacrawcnto. But it'll be close. The big ones can go a week at a time without eating, but the babies need to eat every day. And Orrie-we need to force his growth, so he has to eat more often too. But they should be back tonight, so we'll be okay."

"Oh, so that's where Jessie is. Who's taking care of the baby?"

"Didn't you know?" Marcie looked at me surprised.

"Know what?"

"Well . . . at the Revelation, Jason asked her to be responsible for her commitment to the new gods. You know, she didn't get their food on time. We can always make do with the dogs-but that wasn't the point. We're responsible for Orrie's well-being, and the well-being of his family. That's the agreement. If we don't keep them fed, they have the right to feed on us. Jason asked Jessie to honor her commitment."

"You mean she gave herself to Orrie?"

"No. She gave her baby to Orrie."

I stopped where I stood and stared at Marcie. "She gave her baby to . . . ?"

"Jim!" Marcie said warningly. "Get out of your mind! That's your ape machinery reacting! You've got to give that up or it'll get in your way."

"Uh . . ." I flustered for words. "Puppies are one thing. I mean, they're supposed to be food. But . . ."

"Jim-don't you know what Jason's Revelation was? No, guess not. He hasn't shared it with everybody yet. This is it. We're supposed to be their food. Us-the apes. That's why we're here. We're supposed to feed the gods-with our bodies if necessary." She touched herself with her hands. "This thing-this is god food. We're supposed to breed lots of nice fat healthy meals for the gods. There's a lot more than that, but Jason hasn't shared it yet. He says we have to get that very basic level before we can move on to anything else."

I was too shocked to react. I said, "I thought we were supposed to be partners with the gods!"

"We are! Our partnership so far is on the physical level. We supply what their bodies need so they can build their families. To ask for more than that is not only presumptuous it's as silly as those puppies asking to be people. At best, it's cute. At worst, it's tragic. For us to really have a partnership, we have to give up our ape machinery and recognize that the job of being a god's partner is to be of absolute service to the god, delivering whatever is wanted and needed, absolutely and totally---even if it means being at detriment to oneself."

"I thought. . . . Now I'm really confused. I thought we were going to experience our own godhood."

"Of course we are-and we'll experience the Chtorran godhood, too. But remember, it always gets filtered through the ape machinery. What does it matter if a Chtorran eats a puppy? Nothing. So what does it matter if a Chtorran eats a baby ape? It means nothing. It only means something if you invest it with identity. Identity is a product of all that mind machinery. Give it up."

The tears were rolling down my cheeks. I hadn't realized I'd come so far. I could see exactly what she meant. And I hated her and I hated myself-because I hadn't come far enough yet to stop caring.

Marcie let me cry until I was finished. Then she took me by the hand and led me back up the slope.

That night she came to my bed and we made another baby. Another meal for the gods. If necessary.

Jason looked weak. He asked me to walk with him. I realized I didn't want to.

I said to him, "You taught me to tell the truth, Jason. Always."

His eyes were as sharp as ever. "What's the matter, Jim?"

"There's something wrong somewhere. I've got a nugget of doubt. Part of me still isn't committed. It's still testing. And I don't want to test any more. I just want to do my job."

"You are doing your job, Jim. Truly." He put his arm around my shoulder. "Part of your job is to test. Do you know that? Your job is to test the truth. Always. That's how you know it's true."

I shook my head. "It sounds good, Jason. I mean, the funny thing is, it's all so logical. I mean, it's a perfect logical trap. You led my mind down a primrose path and it stepped in the bear trap. It's caught. I can't do anything any more without knowing that it's my mind doing what it has to do so it can survive."

"Yep," he agreed. "Annoying, isn't it? How do you think I felt when I came to my first Revelation?"

"I never thought about that."

"I was pissed as hell for a month."

"Oh. I'd have thought . . ." I felt foolish. "Thanks," I said.

"Now, let me ask you. There's something specific that you're concerned about? Right?"

"Jessie's baby. Why did you let her do it?"

"I didn't let her, Jim."

"Huh? Then you disapprove?"

"I didn't say that either. Listen carefully. It was her responsibility, Jim. She didn't ask for my permission. She didn't ask for my approval. I asked her to look at what was appropriate. After the Revelation, she came to me and told me what she thought was appropriate. She didn't ask me to do anything about it. She just told me."

"But you agreed with it?"

"Agreement is irrelevant."