"You know what I feel?" I blurted. "I'm feeling every emotion in the world, all at once. I'm feeling joy and aliveness and giddiness-and grief, oh, God I'm so full of anguish-and fear and despair at being so trapped in death-and anger and rage at you for doing this to me. And . . . oh, God, this is overwhelming!"

Foreman was holding me. "That's right, Jim, that's right. What you're feeling is birth-rage. Have you ever noticed how angry babies are at being born? Look at their faces. That's what you've got now. And it's mixed up with curiosity and wonder and joy, the same way it is in a baby. You're fine. You're doing just fine."

I hated him and I loved him. Just like Jason.

But this was different.

Because this was us playing at god-this wasn't worms. There was a lot more than that. Foreman and I went down off the platform and everybody sat on the floor and we all talked. We talked about the responsibilities of human beings to each other and what it felt like to be trapped in human bodies.

We talked about what we really wanted.

And I know it sounds sappy and maudlin-but underneath all of it, we began to discover how much we really cared about each other; we even loved each other.

Not love like most people think of love, but love nonetheless.

Of course, we ended up in bed.

She unpinned her dark red hair and it fell in an auburn cascade to below her shoulders. She took off her blouse and her bra and I saw how pearl-smooth her skin was. Her breasts were rosy; they looked firm. She took off her underwear and I started to giggle. Her ass was freckled.

And she had the longest legs.

I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life between those legs. She took me into her bed and into her body. I let go of my mind and let it happen. I dissolved into her freckled pink face, her tender red kisses.

She was a crimson ocean, stormy and wave-tossed. I was caught up in the rise and fall of her. I felt like a man caught in a whirlwind. My heart was racing-I could die here!-it didn't matter. I pulled myself up, pushed her knees up to her chest, and plunged in deeper. She wrapped her legs around me and began to gasp and laugh and cry. When she came, it was with a little shudder of delight, and then she pulled me close, hugging me even tighter as she held me and held me. I could feel her spasming and throbbing beneath me, around me, and I came too, exploding into her.

And then we collapsed into each other, rolling over onto our sides. I was still facing her, still inside her.

I let myself look into her eyes. She was beaming. "Hi," she said.

"Hi," I replied.

We lay there gasping for breath. "Now, I know," I said.

"Know what?"

"What it's like to screw a colonel. Always before, it's been the other way around."

She burst out laughing. "Believe me," she said. "It's far more fun screwing captains."

"Really?"

"Sure. You'll find out when you're a colonel."

"Mm, I love it when you talk dirty." I shifted my position, she smiled in response.

"Now, say general."

"Brigadier," she whispered.

"Oh, I can't stand it."

She giggled.

"Want to know something?" I said.

"What?"

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"You mean, I wasn't just a one-night stand?"

"No, you were; but whoever said that one-night stands couldn't be fun and affectionate too? You don't have to fall in love every time."

"Problem is, I did."

"Mm." She didn't answer that. "I didn't expect you to come back from that mission."

"Nobody did." I turned so I could look directly into her face. "You know, I used to wonder what it would be like to make love lo you."

"Really?" Her voice went soft. "What did you imagine?"

"Um . . ." I tried to remember. I couldn't. I started giggling.

"What?"

"I forgot."

"No, you didn't. You just don't want to say."

"No, really, I did."

"Captain, I could order you to tell me."

"Colonel, just about anything I would say right now would get me in a lot of trouble."

"Then I order you to say it."

"No, sir!"

She rolled me over on my back, so she was on top of me. She was surprisingly strong. She said, "What is it you're not saying? Tell me!" She saw the look on my face and pounced. "That one! Say it."

I said, "I love you."

She blinked.

"What did you say?"

"I said, 'I love you.' See, I told you it would get me in a lot of trouble."

She sniffed back the tears. "No-it's just-you caught me by surprise." She sniffed again. "The army takes a dim view of captains falling in love with their colonels. Well, sleeping with them anyway. I guess this is why." She smiled through the tears. "It's probably lousy for morale to see your superior officer crying."

I pulled her down to me and kissed her. She felt good. She made me feel good.

I stopped and looked into her face and said, "Well, it's true. I do love you. And you ordered me to tell you."

"I know. I have only myself to blame."

"For what?"

She gave her head a quick shake. Her red hair fell down around us both. "Never mind."

"No, go on-"

She shook her head again.

"Now, I order you."