“Is everything okay at work?” Ben’s mother asked.

“Everything’s fine,” Ben said. “Everything’s wonderful.”

“And what about that firm that’s been recruiting you? Are they still interested?”

“Mom, everything is fine. I’m well on my way to the fast track of the legal world. Nothing can stop me. Now, can we just drop the subject?”

“No. What are you not telling me?” Turning to Lisa, Ben’s mother asked, “What is he not telling me? You can tell me.”

“Mom, leave Lisa alone,” Ben demanded.

“Ben, there’s no reason to raise your voice,” Ben’s father said.

“There is when she won’t mind her own business,” Ben said. “I said drop it.”

“I don’t need that tone at the table,” Ben’s mother said. “Either apologize or leave the room.”

“Leave the room?” Ben asked, forcing a laugh. “Or what? You’ll punish me? Spank me? Maybe you can take away my TV privileges. Or maybe I won’t get a birthday party this year.”

“Benjamin, I’d appreciate it if you’d excuse yourself from the table,” his father said in a low voice.

Ben got up from his seat and stormed upstairs. “I’ll be in my room.”

At eight o’clock, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Ben’s father said, pushing his chair away from the table. He opened the door and said, “Hey, fellas! C’mon in-we just reached dessert.”

“Do I smell cretins?” Lisa asked, sniffing the air as Ober and Nathan approached the table.

“Hello, boys,” Ben’s mother said.

“Hello, Mrs. Addison,” Ober said, fighting back a smile. “I hope you’re all having a lovely Thanksgiving meal.”

“We were,” Lisa said.

“What brings you two over this evening?” Ben’s mother asked.

“We just wanted to say hello. It’s been so long since we’ve seen you or Mr. Addison,” Ober said. “And, of course, we wanted to say congratulations on your son’s engagement.”

“That’s right,” Nathan said, patting Lisa on the back. “This is a big day for you. The best to you both.”

“Very funny,” Lisa said.

“Oh, c’mon,” Nathan said. “Don’t tell me you didn’t find it funny-the big picture of you, the fake bio-it was genius.”

“And it cost us almost a hundred bucks,” Ober said.

“It was definitely funny,” Lisa admitted. “I just hope you don’t think there aren’t going to be repercussions.”

“Take it like a man,” Ober said, squeezing in next to Lisa so that the two friends shared a seat. “Speaking of which, where is the groom-to-be?”

“He’s up in his room pouting,” Ben’s mother explained.

Ten minutes later, Ober, Nathan, and Lisa walked into Ben’s room. “Well, I guess my punishment’s lifted,” Ben said, sitting on his bed. “I have visitor privileges.”

“Drop it already,” Lisa said, flopping onto Ben’s bed. “They just want to know what’s bothering you.”

“And if I want to tell them, I’ll tell them,” Ben shot back.

“Listen, don’t get upset just because your parents are still treating you like a twelve-year-old,” Lisa said. “That’s what parents are supposed to do. It’s their job. They can obviously tell something’s wrong. Besides, you’re kinda behaving like a twelve-year-old.”

“Do you think Rick was the guy that approached my dad?” Ben asked. He explained the situation to Ober and Nathan.

“I don’t know who it was, but I did think it was too much of a coincidence,” Lisa said.

“Why the hell is he doing this?” Ben asked.

“Why don’t we stop talking about it?” Nathan suggested. “There’s nothing we can do here, and there’s nothing gained by watching you go crazy. When we get back, we’ll sit down and plan a new strategy.”

“But what if-” Ben began.

“Don’t say it,” Nathan interrupted. “Let’s change the subject and move on.”

“I have a new topic,” Ober said, checking out the seven-year-old Albert Einstein calendar that was still attached to the wall. “Let’s talk about why tomorrow is such a special day.”

Ben thought for a moment, then said, “You are so damn pathetic sometimes.”

“What?” Lisa asked, looking at Nathan.

“Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day Ober lost his virginity,” Nathan explained.

“And I became the first of us to obtain that honor,” Ober added, “which will forever annoy Grumpy here.”

“Ben was about to do it with Lindsay Lucas,” Nathan explained, “but since Ober wanted to be the first to lose it, he slept with Shelly Levine, the Skank Machine.”

“You slept with her just to beat Ben?” Lisa asked.

“It wasn’t just to beat Ben,” Ober said. “I also wanted to get to know her better.”

“He did it just to beat me,” Ben said.

“And it’s bothered him since,” Ober said.

“You guys are sick,” Lisa said. “You had a contest to see who had sex first.”

“The only contest was in Ober’s head,” Ben said.

“But I pulled in the gold medal,” Ober said. “Don’t worry, though. Winning the silver is still nice.”

“And what grade was this?” Lisa asked.

“Eleventh,” the three friends said simultaneously.

“That’s not that bad,” Lisa said. “How about you, Nathan? When did you do the deed?”

“That’s a pretty personal question,” Nathan said. “When’d you lose yours?”

“I did it with Chris Weiss in tenth grade in his parents’ bedroom. They were away for the weekend.”

“All right! An early riser!” Ober said.

“Now, when’d you do it?” Lisa asked Nathan.

“Twelfth grade-” Nathan began.

“It was after twelfth,” Ben corrected.

“It was the summer between twelfth grade and college,” Nathan insisted. “Technically, that’s still twelfth grade. And while it may be summer to us now, it was twelfth grade to me back then. It was me and Eleanore Sussman in a small hotel room down by the Jersey shore-my parents have a summer place there.”

“Very tasteful,” Lisa said. “Where’d you do it?” she asked Ben.

“Being the classiest of this trio, I took my date down to the B.U. boathouse. With sleeping bags set up, we did it with style-under the stars and overlooking the city.”

“And how about you?” Lisa asked Ober.

“Me and the Skank Machine went back to her house after a heavy night of drinking and did it in her very own, tastefully decorated bedroom.”

“While her parents were in the next room,” Ben added.

“They weren’t,” Lisa said.

“They didn’t hear a thing,” Ober said, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

“Speaking of great sex, why don’t you have Ober tell you about the affair he had with his boss?” Nathan suggested.

“Absolutely.” Ben started laughing. “That’s a great-”

“It was not an affair,” Ober interrupted. “It was a terrifying seduction.”

“It was an affair and you were a coward,” Nathan said.

“Just tell the story,” Lisa said.

“This all took place during Ober’s brief stint as a public relations assistant,” Ben explained.

“It was a P.R. boutique that specialized in the computer industry,” Ober added.

“And Ober’s supervisor,” Ben continued in a deep, sexy voice, “let’s just say that she specialized in love.”

“Just get to the point,” Ober begged. “She made a pass at me and I refused it. End of story.”

“No, no, no,” Nathan jumped in. “She made a pass at you, and you passed out.”

“You what?” Lisa asked, laughing.

“She called him into her office and she was wearing nothing but a bra, underwear and black garters,” Ben said. “Ober took one look at her and fell over unconscious.”

“I was feeling sick all day,” Ober explained dryly. “I got up too fast, and by the time I got to her office, I was lightheaded.”

“More like intimidated,” Nathan said.

“What’d she do when you passed out?” Lisa asked.

“I’m not sure,” Ober said. “All I know is, when I woke up, she was fanning me with a file folder.”

“But she was still undressed,” Ben added. “Needless to say, though, she was turned off at that point. Fainting is the world’s worst aphrodisiac.”

“Can we move on to something else?” Ober asked.