"I wish you'd brought pictures of Abigail," Laura said.
"Oh, you know these teenagers. She's camera-shy." Jenny hadn't brought photos of her for years. "She's something else, though, smart as a whip. We're studying French together." Jenny prided herself in being cultured, of rising above crass TV values.
"What a nice thing to share. Maybe you could take her to France someday."
Jenny smiled noncommittally. "That's another thing: She doesn't like to travel."
Laura saw Jenny infrequently, but she knew how devoted a mother she was, funneling all her energy into raising Abigail and schooling her at home. It was her way of making up for Kelly. Laura swore that without Abigail, Jenny would have lost her mind given the turmoil in her life. Nine years ago, she and Ted got divorced. It was a stormy breakup but she won custody of Abigail and a large settlement. Two years later, Ted was sent to prison for eight years for operating a car-theft ring. Then in 1993 real horror struck. Kelly, age twenty-nine, committed suicide.
It was impossible to gauge the effects by phone or a meeting every few years. But some weird denial had set in, because Jenny never mentioned Kelly's name again. She had moved to a suburb of Indianapolis with Abigail where she started life all over as a first-time mother.
Jenny flipped through photos nervously, distracted. Something was up. Laura had sensed the tension the moment Jenny walked into the room. Even in her voice when she called to schedule this rendezvous. Finally, Laura asked her point-blank what was wrong.
For a moment Jenny tried to dissemble. Then she blurted out, "I need help."
"What kind of help?"
"Elixir. I want some Elixir. Simple as that. I need some, and you can't say no."
The intensity of her expression startled Laura. "Jennifer, I can't do that and you know it."
"Laura, I'm fifty years old, and aging fast. Look at me, I'm putting on weight and fleshing out. I'm feeling older and I hate it."
"So am I. That's life."
"But Mamma was my mother, too. I carry the same family thing for cancer, and you said that stuff prevents cancer cells-"
Laura cut her off. "You don't know anything about the stuff. It's forbidden. Everything about it is forbidden."
"But Roger-"
"But Roger nothing! Yeah, he doesn't age, but do you want to end up like him-cut off from your kid? From your friends? Living in a state of biological schizophrenia-graying your hair and not knowing who the hell you really are or what generation you're from? That's what it's like for him. That's what it's like for us, and I'll be damned if I'll let you do that to yourself."
What she didn't mention was what had happened to them as a couple. She still loved Roger, but their widening biological gap had set off a flurry of confused emotions-from sheer envy to anger to something akin to repugnance at the unnaturalness of his condition. Even sex was a perverse throwback experience-as if she were making love to Chris Bacon, the horny ever-ready grad student. Except she was a post-menopausal fifty-five and feeling like a cradle-robber. Elixir had thrown time and love out of joint.
"I can live with that," Jenny pleaded. "I'm willing to take the risk. Please. I'm begging you." She began to cry.
Seeing her weaken touched Laura, but she could not let the crocodile tears sway her. "You're not a hermit living in the woods, for god's sake. You've got a daughter to think of."
"That's who I'm thinking of," Jenny shot back.
"Then ask yourself what you'll tell her in ten years?"
"What about Brett? What are you going to tell him?"
Laura didn't answer.
Jenny made no effort to stop her tears. She was bordering on hysteria. "You have to help me. You have to let me have some. I'm not asking for much. Just a few ampules. You can't let this happen, after all I did for you-protected you, lied for you, got you passports and IDs. If it weren't for me you'd be in prison for the rest of your lives."
"And I'm very grateful. But Elixir is lousy with horrors."
"You don't understand," Jenny said.
"What don't I understand?" Laura shouted. "I've lived with it for fifteen years."
"But Roger's managed. He's fine. You've got the power to prolong life, and you won't give me a drop. Your own flesh and blood."
"Jesus, Jenny, live the years you have, and stop whining about the ones you don't have."
"I'm afraid of getting old. I'm afraid of becoming wrinkled and decrepit. You're my sister."
"It's because I'm your sister I won't let you." Laura put her hand on Jenny's. "And you're not old and decrepit, for god's sake. You're making yourself crazy. You look ten years younger."
It wasn't false flattery. Jenny did look younger. Her skin was smooth and shiny-the skin of somebody who took proper care and avoided sunlight. But more than that, she dressed young: not in teenie-bopper flash, but jumpers and flats and plastic beads. She looked like a Catholic-school girl.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were already taking the stuff."
Jenny looked at her with a start, then gathered her stuff to leave.
The tryst was over. And a disaster. For the first time they had fought over it. Yes, in phone talk Jenny would hint how she wished she could go on indefinitely like Roger-if only it were safe. What Laura had discounted as idle musings. But Jenny had meant it, and it shocked her to see how much festered below the surface.
Laura tried to hug her goodbye, but Jenny pushed her away and opened the door.
"I don't want you to leave hating me."
Jenny gave her an icy stare. "You don't understand," she said through her teeth. "You don't, don't, don't"
Laura watched her walk down the corridor to the elevator, thinking they were more like strangers than sisters. Thinking that Jenny's desperation went beyond fear of fifty. Something else was going on. She was over the edge. Maybe she'd recommend psychiatric counseling.
Laura stepped back inside and closed the door. She still clutched a photo of Brett. She stared at it for a moment, taking in his young colt beauty.
"What are you going to tell him?"
On Monday morning, Wally Olafsson walked into the resident agency office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation in Madison and reported his encounter the other night and what he had discovered on the Internet, producing the downloaded articles, photos copied from news stories gotten at the UW La Crosse campus library, the Cape Cod snapshots, and the video taken of Chris Bacon at the Wisconsin Regionals.
The complaint duty agent, Eric Brown, took notes as Wally outlined his past acquaintance with Christopher Bacon. On his computer, Brown checked the Bureau's database and located the outstanding warrant. He reviewed the charges, comparing screen file photos of Bacon with those Wally had brought and the video segment he ran on a VCR.
"There's a resemblance," Brown admitted, "but the guy looks on the young side. According to files, he should be fifty-six. This guy looks about thirty."
"He's not. He's my age." Wally suddenly felt self-conscious of his big fleshy head and bulging gut. "His kid must be about fourteen like my son, which means there should be over a forty-year difference between them. You saw the videos. They look like brothers."
"That's what I'm saying, Mr. Olafsson: You've got the wrong guy." Brown made a flat smile to say he's wasting both their time. "It's not Christopher Bacon, it's Roger Glover."
"I hear what you're saying, but I'm telling you, it's Chris. What convinced me was his eyes. You can't tell in the photos, but they're two different colors. I didn't remember until I got close."
"Sounds like you studied him pretty good."
"I did, and I'd bet my life it's Chris Bacon."
"Except he's about twenty-five years too young."