Judaism: this was a word never before spoken between Hazel and Zack. Nor even the less formal words Jews, Jewish.
Gallagher was saying, “Of course, I can understand that. You want to know all that you can know, within reason. Beginning with the old religions. I was the same way myself…” Gallagher was fumbling now, uncertain. He was vaguely conscious of the strain between Hazel and Zack. As a man of the world with a certain degree of renown he was accustomed to being taken seriously, certainly he was accustomed to being deferred to, yet in his own household he was often at sea. Doggedly he said, “But the piano, Zack! That must come first.”
Zack said hotly, “It comes first. But it doesn’t come second, too. Or third, or fucking last.”
Zack tossed his crumpled napkin down onto his plate. He’d only partly eaten the meal his mother had prepared, as she prepared all household meals, with such care. She felt the sting of that gesture as she felt the sting of the purposefully chosen expletive fucking, she knew it was aimed at her heart. With quavering adolescent dignity Zack pushed his chair back from the table and stalked out of the room. The adults stared after him in astonishment.
Gallagher groped for Hazel’s limp hand, to comfort her.
“Somebody’s been talking to him, d’you think? Somebody at the university.”
Hazel sat still and unmoving in her state of shock as if she’d been slapped.
“It’s the pressure he’s under, with that sonata. It’s too mature for him, possibly. He’s just a kid, and he’s growing. I remember that miserable age, Christ! Sex-sex-sex. I couldn’t keep my mind on the keyboard, let me tell you. It’s nothing personal, darling.”
To spite me. To abandon me. Because he hates me. Why?
She fled from both the son and the stepfather. She could not bear it, such exposure. As if the very vertebrae of her backbone were exposed!
She was not crying when Gallagher came to comfort her. It was rare for Hazel Jones to cry, she detested such weakness.
Gallagher talked to her, tenderly and persuasively. In their bed she lay very still in his arms. He would protect her, he adored his Hazel Jones. He would protect her against her rude adolescent son. Though saying of course Zack didn’t mean it, Zack loved her and would not wish to hurt her, she must know this.
“Yes. I know it.”
“And I love you, Hazel. I would die for you.”
He talked for a long time: it was Gallagher’s way of loving a woman, with both his words and his body. He was not a man like the other, who had little need of words. Between her and that man, the boy’s father, had been a deeper connection. But that was finished now, extinct. No more could she love a man in that way: her sexual, intensely erotic life was over.
She was deeply grateful to this man, who prized her as the other had not. Yet, in his very estimation of her, she understood his weakness.
She did not want to be comforted, really! Almost, she preferred to feel the insult aimed at her heart.
Thinking scornfully In animal life the weakest are quickly disposed of. That’s religion: the only religion.
Yet she’d returned in secret several times to the park where the man in soiled work clothes had approached her and spoken to her.
My name is Gus Schwart.
Do I look like anybody you know?
Of course, she had not seen him again. Her eyes filled with tears of dismay and indignation, that she might have hoped to see him again, who had sprung at her out of nowhere.
How it had pierced her heart, that man’s voice! He had spoken her name, she had not heard in a very long time.
My sister Rebecca, we used to live in Milburn…
She’d looked up Schwart in the local telephone directory and called each of the several listings but without success.
In Montreal, and in Toronto, where they’d traveled in recent years, Hazel had also looked up Schwart and made a few futile calls for she had the vague idea that Herschel was somewhere in Canada, hadn’t Herschel spoken of crossing the border into Canada and escaping his pursuers…
“If he’s alive. If any ”Schwarts’ are alive.“
She began to be anxious as she had not been anxious before the earlier competitions reasoning He is young, he has time for now her son was nearly eighteen, rapidly maturing. A taut tense sexual being he was. Impulsive, irritable. Nerves caused his skin to break out, in disfiguring blemishes on his forehead. He would not confide in his parents, that he suffered indigestion, constipation. Yet Hazel knew.
She could not bear it, that her gifted son might yet fail. It would be death to her, if he failed after having come so far.
“The breath of God.”
That roadside café in Apalachin, New York! The hot-skinned child on her lap snug in Mommy’s arms reaching up eagerly to play the broken keyboard of a battered old upright piano. Smoke haze, the pungent smell of beer, drunken shouts and laughter of strangers.
Jesus how’s he do it, kid so little?
She smiled, they’d been happy then.
He was an affably drunken older man acquainted with Chet Gallagher eager to meet Gallagher’s little family.
Introduced himself as “Zack Zacharias.” He’d heard that Gallagher’s stepson was a pianist named “Zacharias,” too.
This was at the Grand Island Yacht Club to which Gallagher took his little family to celebrate, when Zack was informed he’d been selected as one of thirteen finalists in the San Francisco competition.
Gallagher’s philosophy was: “Celebrate when you can, you might never have another chance.”
Weaving in the direction of their riverside table was the affably drunken man with stained white hair in a crew cut, lumpy potato face and merry eyes reddened as if he’d been rubbing them with his knuckles.
He’d come to shake Gallagher’s hand, meet the missus but mostly to address the young Zacharias.
“Coincidence, eh? I like to think coincidences mean something even when likely they don’t. But you’re the real thing, son: a musician. Read about you in the paper. Me, I’m a broke-down ol‘ d.j. Twenty-six friggin’ yeas on WBEN Radio Wonderful broadcasting the best in jazz through the wee night hours”-his voice pitched low into a beautifully modulated if slightly mocking Negro radio voice-“and the lousy sonsabitches are dropping me from the station. No offense, Chet: I know you ain’t to blame, you ain’t your old man friggin‘ Thaddeus. My actual name, son”-stooping over the table now to shake the hand of the cringing boy-“is Alvin Block, Jr. Ain’t got that swing, eh?”
Shaking his hips, wheezing with laughter as the white-jacketed maître d‘ hurried in his direction to lead him away.
(The Grand Island Yacht Club! Gallagher was apologetic, also a bit defensive, on the subject.
As a local celebrity Chet Gallagher had been given an honorary membership to the Grand Island Yacht Club. The damned club had a history-invariably, Gallagher called it a “spotty history”-of discrimination against Jews, Negroes, “ethnic minorities,” and of course women, an all-male all-Caucasian Protestant private club on the Niagara River. Certainly Gallagher scorned such organizations as undemocratic and un-American yet in this case there were good friends of his who belonged, the Yacht Club was an “old venerable tradition” in the Buffalo area dating back to the 1870s, why not accept their hospitality that was so graciously offered, so long as Chet Gallagher wasn’t a dues-paying member.
“And the view of the Niagara River is terrific, especially at sunset. You’ll love it, Hazel.”
Hazel asked if she would be allowed into the Yacht Club dining room.
Gallagher said, “Hazel, of course! You and Zack both, as my guests.”
“Even if I’m a woman? Wouldn’t the members object?”
“Certainly women are welcome at the Yacht Club. Wives, relatives, guests of members. It’s the same as at the Buffalo Athletic Club, you’ve been there.”