"Memories from any age can be blocked out."

"Four… that's the age I feel in the dream."

I nodded.

She started to reach for my arm, then stopped herself. Her face had gone gray-white, like skim milk. "You think it could be real?"

"I don't know, Lucy. That's what we need to figure out."

"Four… I'm so confused."

"Some parts of the dream seem to match reality," I said. "There was a big party that summer. That could explain the sounds and lights. And the buildings at Sanctum are made of logs."

Her hands fisted. Her eyes were cold yet electric. "What about the rest of it- what I saw?"

"I don't know."

She started to shake, and I held her shoulders till she stopped.

Finally she was able to take a deep breath.

"Calm," she said to herself. "I can handle this."

Another breath. She closed her eyes, her shoulders loosened, and I let go. A few more inhalations, and for a moment I thought she'd lapse into the semihypnotic state I'd seen a few days ago. Then her eyes opened. "I don't feel anything. No big insights… but could it- the girl? What do you think? Do you know anything else that you're not telling me?"

I studied her face. No muscles moved. Her eyes were still and dry and piercing.

"Yes," I said. "After Ken told me, Milo and I did some research, looking into crimes in that area. We found no murders or rapes that matched, but we did come across a missing persons case involving a girl who was never found. She did have long dark hair and long legs, but that could apply to lots of girls. So let's not assume anything for the moment."

"Oh, God."

"It may very well mean absolutely nothing, Lucy, and latching on to it may distort your memories. That's why I didn't want to rush into it."

"It's okay," she said. "I won't rush into anything either." Putting her hands in her lap. Smoothing her hair. "What else do you know about this girl?"

"Her name was Karen Best. She disappeared the night before the party- which wouldn't fit with the dream. She was last seen in Paradise Cove, fifteen miles from Topanga. And there's no evidence she was ever up at Sanctum. The only thing that does match is her physical description, and there's nothing very distinctive about it. As I told you before, dreams can be mixtures of reality and fantasy. You were four years old, may very well have seen something a child's mind couldn't process."

"Such as?"

"Something sexual, like you initially assumed. Small children who witness the sexual act often interpret it as an assault."

"But the scraping sounds- the last couple of times, like last night- it was definitely shovels digging. Burying her."

Hunching her back, she bit her finger.

"Lucy-"

She removed the finger and rubbed the upper joint. "Don't worry," she said softly. "I'm not going to fall apart. I'm just trying to put this into place."

"Don't try to do it all at once."

She nodded. Breathed deeply again, and placed her hands on the table, as if summoning a spirit at a séance.

"Why now?" she said. "If I've forgotten it all these years, why now?"

"Perhaps the stress of the trial," I said. "Hearing about all that sexual violence. Or maybe you're strong enough to deal with it now."

She expelled air. "What does Milo think about this?"

"He's open-minded but skeptical."

"But he didn't dismiss it… the girl. Karen. Do you have a picture?"

"Not with me, but I can get one."

"I want to see her."

I nodded.

"Does she have a family?"

"A father and a brother."

"Have you met them?"

"The father. The brother lives back east."

"Was she originally from back east?"

"Massachusetts."

"Boston?"

"New Bedford."

"I've been there plenty of times- used to go out there with Ray to buy squid from the Portuguese fishermen. What was she doing in L.A.?"

"She came out to be an actress and ended up waiting tables."

"Poor thing," she said. "Poor, poor thing… Does her family know about me?"

"I told the father someone had a distant memory of a girl who resembled his daughter being abducted."

"How did he take that?"

"He hopes something will come of it."

"What's he like?"

"He's a minister. Seems nice."

"Does he want to meet me?"

"At some point," I said. "If we learn more."

"So he hasn't given up on finding her?"

"He's not doing anything active anymore."

"No, of course not- all these years. What about right after it happened?"

"He mounted an intensive search."

"He loves her," she said flatly. "A minister. Which church?"

"It's a group that feeds the poor."

"A good man- maybe I can help him. Can you hypnotize me or something? I've heard that can unlock memories. I'm sure I'd be an easy subject. Sometimes I feel as if I'm walking around in a trance anyway."

She gave an angry, nervous laugh.

"When I hooked for Raymond, I used to trance out all the time- see how tough I am? I haven't repressed any of that. I even told Milo. The slate is clear. So let's get into my head. I want to get rid of all the garbage."

"Hypnosis isn't just something you jump into, Lucy."

"It's dangerous?"

"Not when done with a properly prepared patient."

"You're worried about my mental stability?"

"I'm concerned about your stress level."

She sat back, as if studying me. "Tell me honestly. Do you think I tried to kill myself?"

"I really don't know, Lucy. Ken saw you with your head in that oven."

"Okay, it was there," she said. "I'm not going to deny reality. But the phone calls, the undies, the note- I know it sounds paranoid, but all that happened. I didn't put those horrible rat things there. Tell me you believe that."

I nodded.

She said, "Maybe one of those crazy girls is out to get me. Or some other nut, who knows? I'm even willing to consider the possibility that I did it while I was sleepwalking- like the first time I ended up on the kitchen floor. But I wouldn't willfully try to kill myself. Life means too much to me, and killing myself would be giving in to him. Confirming his preconception that we're all weak and useless. That's what he told Puck every time Puck came to him. We were weak, spineless, useless. Banal. I'd never do myself in, give him the satisfaction. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

A distant look came into her eyes. "Sleepwalking. The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that has to be the key. From the beginning. I must have gotten up in the middle of the night and left that cabin and seen something… sex and violence, just like you said. I can't put it in words, but that feels right- there's an internal logic." She smiled and exhaled. "It's good you told me about all this. I won't disappoint you and misuse it. You've really helped me today, Dr. Delaware."

I nodded.

"Not that it's easy," she went on. "I'm still shaking inside." Touching her belly. "But things are finally starting to make sense. Viscerally."

She touched my arm.

"Keep helping me. Please. Help me get into my head and find out the truth. Help me get back in control."