CHAPTER 16

Hostile

December 15, 1982

We're getting ready to celebrate Christmas for the first time ever. We're going to the Catholic church in town. The people are very nice. It's funny, all the Christmas stuff—it's so close to Yule. The Yule log, the colors red and green, the mistletoe. Those things have always been a part of my life. It feels strange to be practicing Catholics instead of what we were.

This town is nice, much greener than New York City. I can see nature here; I can smell rain. It's not a bunch of ugly gray boxes full of unhappy people racing around.

Over and over I find myself wanting to say a little spell for this or that—to get rid of slugs in the garden, to bring more sunshine, to help bread rise. But I don't. My whole life is in black and white, and that's the way is has to be now. No spells, no magick, no rituals, no rhymes. Not here. Not ever.

Anyways, I love our wee house. It's lovely and easy for me to keep clean. We're saving up to buy our own washing machine. Imagine! Everyone in America has their own.

I can't forget the horror this year. It is seared on my soul forever. But I am glad to be in the place, safe, with Angus.

— M.R.

"Are you going to the game on Friday?" Tamara asked me.

I kicked off my clogs and stowed them in the bottom of my gym locker. As usual, the air in the girls' locker room smelted like a mixture of sweat, baby powder, and shampoo. Tamara pulled on her gym shorts and sat down to put on her socks.

"I don't know," I answered, pulling my shirt over my head. Quickly I wriggled into my gym clothes and saw Tamara's eyes glance at the small silver pentacle around my neck. She looked away, and I wasn't sure if she got the significance: that it was a symbol of my commitment to Wicca and to Cal. I bent down to tie my sneakers and didn't say anything about it

Across the room Bree stood next to her own locker, changing. Since Raven was a senior, she was in a different class. It was unusual to see Bree alone.

Bree's eyes met mine for a moment and their coldness shocked me. It was hard to believe that I hadn't been able to share my huge news with her: finding out I was adopted, the story of my birth parents. We had always promised to tell each other everything, and until this school year we had. She'd told me about when she'd lost her virginity and tried pot for the first time and how she'd found out about her mom's affair. My own confidences had been much more banal.

"Guess who asked me out," said Tamara, pulling her tight curls into a puffy ponytail.

"Who?" I asked, quickly braiding my hair in two long braids so I looked like an Irish Pocahontas.

Tamara lowered her voice. "Chris Holly."

My eyes got wide. "Get out! What did you say?" I whispered.

"I said no! Number one, I'm sure he only asked because he's flunking trig and needs help, and number two, I saw what a jerk he was with Bree." Her dark brown eyes looked at me. "Are you two talking yet?"

I shook my head.

So did Tamara. I shoved my feet into my sneakers and tied them.

"So did you go after Cal?" she asked.

"No," I said honestly. "I mean, I was crazy about him, but I knew Bree liked him. I just assumed they'd end up together. But then… he picked me." Shrugging, I stuck my braids down the back of my T-shirt so they wouldn't whip anyone in the face. Then Ms. Lew, our PE teacher, blew her whistle. Ms. Lew loved that whistle.

"It's raining out, girls!" she called in her clear voice. "So give me five laps around the gym!"

We all groaned, as expected, then started to jog out of the locker room. Tamara and I quickly passed Bree, who was going as slowly as she possibly could.

"Witch," I heard Bree mutter as I jogged past. My cheeks burned, and I pretended not to hear her.

"She called you a bitch," Tamara whispered angrily, jogging next to me. "I can't believe she's being such a bad sport about this. I mean, they didn't even go out. Besides, she can get any other guy she wants. Does she really have to have them all?"

Hooting and whistling assaulted our ears as all the junior boys ran out of their locker room and started jogging in the opposite direction. I could hear the rain as it hit the small windows set high in the gym walls.

"Hey, baby!"

"Looking good!"

I rolled my eyes as the boys jogged past. Robbie made a face at me as he passed, and I laughed.

"Bree says they did go out once," I said, starting to pant. Actually, she had said that she and Cal had sex. It wasn't exactly the same thing.

Tamara shrugged. "Maybe they did, but I never heard about it. It couldn't have meant much, anyway. Oh, guess who asked Janice out? You've been out of the whole gossip loop."

"Who?"

"Ben Reggio," announced Tamara. "They've had two study dates."

"Oh, that's great," I said. "They seem like they'd be perfect together. I hope it works out."

I felt so normal, talking about regular high school stuff with Tamara. As exciting and fantastic and empowering as my Wicca experiences were, they made me feel kind of isolated. They were also exhausting. It was nice, not having to think about anything deep or life changing for a few minutes.

After our laps we split into teams for volleyball. The girls were on one side of the gym with Ms. Lew, and the boys were on the other with Coach.

Bree and I ended up on opposite teams.

"God, look at Robbie," a girl whispered behind me. I turned around and saw Bettina Kretts talking to Paula Arroyo. "He is so hot."

I looked at Robbie. With great skin and no glasses, he was moving around the volleyball court with new confidence.

"I heard that senior, Anu Radtha, asked when he had transferred here," Paula said in a low voice.

I raised an eyebrow. Anu was the older sister of one of Bree's old boyfriends, Ranjit. So Anu actually thought Robbie was a new student and one worthy of a senior's attention.

"Is he going out with anyone?" Bettina asked.

"Don't think so," Paula answered. Their conversation was interrupted when the ball came into our quarter for a minute. We bounced it around, and I knocked it across the net, anxious to hear the rest of what they were saying.

"He hangs out with the witches," Bettina shocked me by saying. She was several people away and speaking in a low tone. Only by concentrating could I hear what she was saying. I'd had no idea that people around school thought of our group as "the witches."

"Yeah, I've seen him with Cal and the rest of them," said Paula. "Hey, if he isn't going out with anyone, why don't you ask him to the game?"

Bettina giggled. "Maybe I will."

Well, well, well, I thought, popping the ball over to Sarah Fields. She hit it over the net to Janice, and Janice returned with a quick, neat pop that went right between Bettina and Alessandra Spotford, costing us a point and giving our opponents the serve.

Bree was in the server's position on the other team, and while she was holding the ball, someone gave a wolf whistle from the other side of the gym. She looked up, her eyes flitting from boy to boy until she found Seth Moore giving her a big, lecherous grin. Seth was good-looking in a punky kind of way. His hair was cut in a buzzed flattop, he wore two silver earrings in his left ear, and he had pretty hazel eyes.

Bree grinned back and wiggled her shoulders at him.

Automatically I looked for Chris Holly, Bree's most recent ex. He was watching it all with a kind of frozen animosity, but he said nothing and made no move.

"Come on, Miss Warren," ordered Ms. Lew.

"You and me, baby!" Seth shouted.

Bree laughed, and then our glances met. She gave me this snarky, superior smile, as if to say, See? Boys would never do that for you. I tried to look bored, but of course it was true. Cal was the only guy who had ever paid me any attention. Bree's showing off hurt me, as she intended.