Damnit, not anymore.

But watching Kyle play with his Legos and knowing that Taylor would no longer be coming by the house made a sickening knot rise in her throat.

“I’m not going to cry,” she said aloud, the words coming out like a mantra. “I’m not going to cry.”

With that, she broke down and wept for the next two hours.

“So you went ahead and ended it, huh?” Mitch said, clearly disgusted.

They were in a bar, a dingy place that opened its doors for breakfast, usually to a waiting crowd of three or four regulars. Now, however, it was late in the evening. Taylor hadn’t called until after eight; Mitch had shown up an hour later. Taylor had started drinking without him.

“It wasn’t me, Mitch,” he said defensively. “She’s the one who called it off. You can’t pin this one on me.”

“And I suppose it just came out of the blue, right? You had nothing to do with it.”

“It’s over, Mitch. What do you want me to say?”

Mitch shook his head. “You know, Taylor, you’re a piece of work. You sit here thinking you’ve got it all figured out, but you don’t understand anything.”

“Thanks for your support, Mitch.”

Mitch glared at him. “Don’t give me that crap. You don’t need my support. What you need is someone to tell you to get your ass back over there and fix whatever it was you did wrong.”

“You don’t understand-”

“Like hell I don’t!” Mitch said, slamming his beer glass onto the table. “Who do you think you are? You think I don’t know? Hell, Taylor, I probably know you better than you know yourself. You think you’re the only one with a shitty past? You think you’re the only one who’s always trying to change it? I have news for you. Everyone has crap in their background, everyone has things they wish they could undo. But most people don’t go around doing their best to screw up their present lives because of it.”

“I didn’t screw up,” Taylor said angrily. “Didn’t you hear what I said? She’s the one who ended it. Not me. Not this time.”

“I tell you what, Taylor. You can go to the goddamn grave thinking that, but both you and I know, it ain’t the whole truth. So get back over there and try to salvage it. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“I didn’t ask you to come here so you can give me some of your advice-”

“Well, you’re getting the best advice I’ve ever given you. Do me a favor and listen to it, okay? Don’t ignore it this time. Your father would have wanted you to.”

Taylor squinted at Mitch, everything suddenly tensing. “Don’t bring him into this. You don’t want to go there.”

“Why, Taylor? Are you afraid of something? Afraid that his ghost is gonna start hovering around us or knocking our beers off the table?”

“That’s enough,” Taylor growled.

“Don’t forget, I knew your father, too. I knew what a great guy he was. He was a guy who loved his family, loved his wife, loved his son. He would have been disappointed by what you’re doing now, I can guarantee it.”

The blood drained from Taylor’s face and he gripped his glass hard.

“Screw you, Mitch.”

“No, Taylor. You’ve already done that to yourself. If I did it, too, it would just be piling on.”

“I don’t need this crap,” Taylor snapped, rising from the table. He started for the door. “You don’t even know who I am.”

Mitch pushed the table away from his body, knocking over the beers and causing a few heads to turn. The bartender looked up from his conversation as Mitch stood and came up behind Taylor, grabbing him roughly by his shirt and spinning him around.

“I don’t know you? Hell, I know you! You’re a goddamn coward, is what you are! You’re afraid of living because you think it means giving up this cross you’ve been carrying around your whole life. But this time, you’ve gone too far. You think you’re the only one in the world with feelings? You think you’ll just walk away from Denise and everything’s going to go back to normal now? You think you’ll be happier? You won’t, Taylor. You won’t let yourself do that. And this time, you aren’t just hurting one person, did you ever think of that? It isn’t just Denise-you’re hurting a little boy! God almighty, doesn’t that mean anything to you? What the hell would your father say to that, huh? ‘Good job, son’? ‘I’m proud of you, son’? Not a chance. Your father would be sickened, just like I am now.”

Taylor, his face white, grabbed Mitch and lifted him, driving him backward into the jukebox. Two men scattered off their stools, away from the melee, as the bartender rushed to the far end of the bar. After pulling out a baseball bat, he started back toward them. Taylor raised his fist.

“What are you gonna do? Hit me?” Mitch taunted.

“Knock it off!” the bartender shouted. “Take that shit outside, now!”

“Go ahead,” Mitch said. “I don’t really give a damn.”

Biting his lip so hard that it began to bleed, Taylor pulled his arm back, ready to strike, his hand shaking.

“I’ll always forgive you, Taylor,” Mitch said almost calmly. “But you gotta forgive yourself, too.”

Taylor, hesitating, struggling, finally released Mitch and turned away, toward the faces staring at him. The bartender was at his side, bat in hand, waiting to see what Taylor was going to do.

Stifling the curses in his throat, he strode out the door.

Chapter 23

Just before midnight Taylor returned home to a flickering message on his answering machine. Since leaving Mitch he’d been alone, doing his best to clear his mind, and had sat on the bridge where he’d plunged into the river only a few months earlier. That night, he realized, was the first night he’d needed Denise. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Guessing that Mitch had left him a message, Taylor walked to the answering machine, regretting his outburst at his friend, and pressed the play button. To his surprise, it wasn’t Mitch.

It was Joe from the fire department, his voice straining to stay calm.

“There’s a warehouse fire, on the outskirts of town. Arvil Henderson’s place. A big one-everyone in Edenton has been called, and additional trucks and crews are being requested from the surrounding counties. Lives are in danger. If you get the message in time, we’ll need your help. . . .”

The message had been left twenty-four minutes ago.

Without listening to the rest of the message, Taylor hung up the phone and raced to the truck, cursing himself for having turned off his cell phone when he left the bar. Henderson’s was a regional wholesaler of housepaint and one of the larger businesses in Chowan County. Trucks were loaded day and night; every hour of the day saw at least a dozen people working inside the warehouse.

It would take him about ten minutes to get there.

Everyone else was probably already on the scene, and he’d be rolling in some thirty minutes late. Those thirty minutes could mean the difference between life and death to any number of trapped people inside.

Others were fighting for their lives while he’d been out feeling sorry for himself.

Gravel shot from his tires as he turned around in the driveway, barely slowing as he turned on the road. His tires squealed and the engine roared as Taylor punched the gas, still cursing. The truck slid through numerous turns on the way to Henderson’s as he took every shortcut he knew. When he hit a straight stretch of road, he accelerated until he was traveling at nearly ninety miles an hour. Tools rattled in the back; he heard a thump of something heavy as it slid across the bed of the truck while it made another turn.

Minutes ticked by, long minutes, eternal minutes. In time he could see the sky glowing orange in the distance, an ungodly color in the darkness. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel when he realized how large the fire was. Over the sound of the engine, he could hear the distant wailing of sirens.