She was hovering in the kitchen, half-watching the clock on the wall, half-peering out the window, her ears attuned to the unmistakable sound of Scott’s car as he downshifted at the corner and came winding down their block. Nameless was waiting by the door. Too old to be impatient, but unwilling to be left behind. He knew the phrase Want to go to a soccer game? and when she spoke it, no matter how quietly, he would instantly go from near comatose to wildly overjoyed.
The window was cracked open and she could hear sounds from her neighbors’ homes that were so routine for a Saturday morning that they were nearly clichéd: a lawn mower starting up with a cough and a roar; a leaf blower whining; high-pitched voices of children happily at play in a nearby yard. It was hard to imagine anything even vaguely approaching a threat to their orderly lives existed anywhere. She had no idea that nearly the same thought had struck Ashley only a few moments earlier.
When she looked away, she saw Sally standing behind her in the doorway.
“Will you be late?” Sally asked. “What time is the game?”
“I have some time.”
“Today’s game is important?”
“They’re all important. Some are just a little more so. We’ll be okay.” Hope hesitated a bit, then added, “They should be along any second. Didn’t Scott say he was leaving early?”
Sally, too, paused before replying, “I think we should ask Scott in, because he’ll want to be a part of any decisions made.”
“Good idea,” Hope said, although she was less sure.
Anything that involved Scott put her in what would once have been termed an awkward position, but which went far deeper and was far more complicated. She believed Scott hated her, although he had never said anything so explicit.
At the very least, he hated the sight of her. Or maybe hated what she stood for. Or hated what she’d done to attract Sally or hated what had happened between them. Regardless, he carried within him a package of anger toward her, and she believed she was helpless to ever make him change.
“I wonder,” Sally said, “whether it’s a good thing for you to be here when he arrives and I tell him to come inside.”
Hope was immediately angry with Sally, and disappointed at the same time. It seemed to her that it was completely unfair; enough years had gone by so that civil behavior was the norm between them, even if the undercurrents were always much stronger. She was pitched into fury by the idea that Sally would want to somehow accommodate Scott’s feelings and trample over hers at the same time. She had put years into raising Ashley and, while she could not claim her as blood, felt that she had as much a stake in her happiness as anyone else.
She bit her lip before replying. Be judicious.
“Well, I don’t think that’s really fair. But if you think it is important, well, I’d bow to your superior knowledge in these matters.”
This last bit might have sounded sincere or sarcastic. Sally was unsure which.
She took a step back, a little shocked at herself for even asking Hope to stand aside when Scott arrived. What am I doing?
“No-” she started to reply, but was interrupted by the sound of Scott’s car coming up the slight rise to their house. “There they are.”
“Well,” Hope said stiffly, “I guess I’ll be here, then.”
Nameless bounced up, recognizing the sound of the car. They all went to the front door, and the dog shoved his way past their legs just as Scott slid the Porsche into the driveway. Ashley was out of the car almost as quickly as the dog exited, and she immediately bent down and stuck her face into his muzzle, then let him cover her with wet dog affection. Scott, too, stepped out of the car, a little unsure what the drill was going to be. He half-waved at Sally and nodded toward Hope.
“Safe and sound,” he said.
Sally crossed the lawn to the drive, pausing only to embrace Ashley. “Don’t you think you should come in, and we can figure out some sort of plan?” she said to Scott.
Ashley lifted her head toward her father and mother, waiting for a second. She was aware in that second how rarely they were ever within arm’s length of each other. A well-defined distance always marked their meetings.
“It’s up to Ashley,” Scott said. “She might not want to just dive into the whole thing right now. Maybe she needs some lunch and a moment or two to decompress.”
They both looked at Ashley, and she nodded, although she sensed that she was doing something cowardly.
“All right,” Sally said with her take-charge lawyer’s voice. “This afternoon, then. Say around four or four thirty?”
Scott nodded. Then he gestured toward the house. “Here?”
“Why not?” Sally said.
Scott could think of a dozen good reasons why not, but he managed to stifle them all. “Well, four thirty it is, then. We can have tea. That would be very civilized.”
Sally did not respond to the sarcasm. She turned to Ashley. “Is that all you’ve brought with you?” she said, pointing at the overnight bag.
“That’s it,” Ashley said.
Hope, standing aside, watching and listening, thought that Ashley had in truth brought much more. It just wasn’t quite as obvious.
Ashley gingerly hip-hopped around the edge of the muddy field and took up a spot where she could see Hope coaching. Nameless was leashed to the end of the bench, but he thumped his tail when he spotted Ashley, then put his head back down. Lions, she thought as she looked over at him. They often sleep as much as twenty hours in an African day. Nameless looked to be closing in on that standard, although he wasn’t very lionish in his attitude. Sometimes she wondered whether any of them would have survived if not for him. She was always disappointed that her mother didn’t fully recognize Nameless’s importance. Rescue dog, she thought. Seeing Eye dog. Guard dog. Nameless had metaphorically managed every role, and now he was old, nearly retired, but still almost a brother.
She let her eyes scan across the distant range of hills. The locals called the Holyoke Range a group of mountains, but she understood that that was exaggerating their significance more than a little. The Rockies are mountains, she thought. The local hills were given some undeserved grandeur, although on a fine fall afternoon they made up for their lack of elevation with generous streaks of red, brown, and russet.
She turned back to watch the game. It wasn’t hard to imagine the time some five years earlier when she would have been out there in blue and white, running up and down the left side. She had always been a good player, although not like Hope. Hope always played with a kind of reckless freedom, but something had always made Ashley hold herself back.
She felt a curious thrill when the girl playing her old position scored the winning goal. She waited through the cheers and handshakes, then saw Hope unleash Nameless and roll a ball out toward the center of the field. Just one, Ashley realized, and not thrown nearly as far as he was once capable of retrieving. She watched as he gathered up the ball and gleefully pushed it back to Hope with his nose and forelegs, filled with dog joy. As Hope scooped up the ball and tossed it into a mesh bag, she saw Ashley standing to the side.
“Hey, Killer, you made it over. What did you think?”
Hearing the nickname that Hope had given her in her first varsity year made Ashley smile. Hope had come up with the name because Ashley had been too reticent on the field, too shy around the older players. So Hope had taken her aside and told her that when she was playing, she was to stop being the Ashley who worried about people’s feelings and transform herself into Killer, who would always play hard, give no quarter and not expect any, and do whatever it took to walk off the field at the end knowing that she had left everything she had out on the pitch. The two of them had kept this secondary persona between themselves, not sharing it with either Sally or Scott or, indeed, any of the rest of the team. And Ashley had at first thought it silly, but had then come to appreciate it.