"Hello, C-Bird," he said. "There's no one here to help you. No one left to help you anywhere. Now it is just you and I and what happened that night"

I looked at him and realized that he was right.

"You don't want to remember that night, do you Francis?"

I shook my head, not trusting my own voice.

He pointed across the room at the story growing on the wall.

"Close to dying time, Francis," he said coldly.

Then he added, "That night, and this one, too."

Chapter 31

Francis found Peter outside the first-floor nursing station. It was pill time, and patients were lining up for their evening medications. There was a little jostling back and forth, a few whiny complaints about this or that, a shove or two, but mostly things were orderly; if there was anything to suggest that this was just the arrival of another night in another week of another month of yet another year for the majority of them, it was impossible to see.

"Peter," Francis said quietly, but unable to hide the tension in his voice, "Peter, I need to speak with you. And Lucy, too. I think I saw him. I think I know how we can find him." In Francis's fevered imagination, all that was necessary was to pull the files of the three men who remained behind in the release hearing room. One of them would be the Angel. He was certain of this, and his excitement spilled into every word.

Peter the Fireman, however, seemed distracted, barely listening. His eyes were fixed across the hallway, and Francis followed his gaze. He looked over at the line and saw Newsman and Napoleon, the hulking retarded man and the angry retarded man, three of the women with dolls and all the other faces that filled the Amherst Building with familiarity. He half expected to hear Cleo's voice booming forth, with some imaginary complaint that the goddamn bastards had failed once again to address, followed by her unmistakable cackling laugh bouncing off the wire bars that separated the station from the corridor. Mister Evil was behind the counter, overseeing the evening dispensing of medications by Nurse Wrong, making notations on a clipboard. Every so often Evans would look up and glare in Peter's general direction. After a second, Evans reached down and grasped a small paper cup from an array in front of him, then exited the station and made his way through the lineup of patients, who parted like river waters to let him pass. He came over to Peter and Francis before Francis had had time to say anything else to Peter about all that was troubling him.

"Here you are, Mister Petrel," Evans said stiffly, almost formally. " Thorazine Fifty mikes. This should help quiet those voices that you continue to deny hearing."

He thrust the paper cup at Francis. "Down the hatch," he said. Francis took the pill, popped it into his mouth and immediately slid it with his tongue to a place behind his teeth, cheeking it. Evans watched him closely, and then gestured for Francis to open his mouth. Francis complied, and the psychologist took a perfunctory glance inside. Francis could not tell whether Evans had seen the pill or not, but Mister Evil spoke quickly, "You see, C-Bird, it doesn't really matter to me whether you take the medication or you don't. If you do, well, then there's the chance you'll get out of here someday. If you don't, well, take a look around…"

He gestured widely with his arm, finally bringing it to rest pointing at one of the geriatric patients, white-haired, fragile, skin as flaccid and thin as paper, an afterthought of a man locked into a dilapidated wheelchair that creaked as it moved."… And imagine that this will be home for you forever."

Francis breathed in sharply, but didn't respond. Evans gave him a second, as if he expected a reply, then shrugged and pivoted toward Peter. "No pills for the Fireman this night," he said stiffly. "No pills for the real killer here. Not this imaginary killer you keep searching for. The real murderer in this place. You."

Evans's eyes narrowed. "We don't have a pill that can fix what's wrong with you, Peter. Nothing that can make you whole. Nothing that can restore the damage you've done. You're going to leave us despite my objections. I was overruled by Gulptilil and all the other important folks who've been here to see you. A real sweetheart deal. Going to some fancy hospital and some fancy program a real long ways away to treat a nonexistent disease that fictionally plagues the Fireman. But no one has a pill or a treatment plan or even some sort of advanced neurosurgery that can truly fix what the Fireman has. Arrogance. Guilt. And memory. It doesn't make any difference who you become, Peter, because inside you will always remain the same. A killer."

He looked closely at Peter who stood motionless in the middle of the corridor. "I used to think," Evans said with frigid bitterness in every word, "that it was my brother who would carry the scars from your fire for the rest of his life. But I was wrong. He'll recover. He'll go on to doing good and important things. But you, Peter, you'll never forget, will you? You're the one who will be scarred. Nightmares, Peter. Nightmares forever."

With those words, Mister Evil turned abruptly and went back to the nursing station. No one spoke to him as he passed by the line of patients, who perhaps were not aware of many things, but recognized anger when they saw it, and carefully moved aside.

Peter glared after Mister Evil, but contradictorily said, "I suppose he's not entirely wrong to hate me. "What I did was right for some and wrong for others."

He probably should have continued with that, but he did not. Instead, he turned to Francis and said, "What were you trying to tell me?"

Francis glanced around to make sure none of the staff were watching him, and he spit the pill out into his palm, sliding it into his pants pocket in the same motion. He felt pummeled by conflicting emotions, unsure what to say. He finally took a deep breath and asked, "So you're leaving… But what about the Angel?"

"We'll get him tonight. But if not tonight, then soon. So, tell me about the release hearings?"

"He was there. I know it. I could feel it…"

"What did he say?"

"Nothing."

"Then what did he do?"

"Nothing. But…"

"Then how can you be so sure, C-Bird?"

"Peter, I could feel it. I'm sure." The words expressed a certainty that wasn't matched in the doubtful tone Francis used.

Peter shook his head. "It's not much to go on, C-Bird. But we should tell Lucy if we get a chance."

Francis looked at Peter and felt a sudden surge of frustration and perhaps a little anger. He wasn't being listened to now, they hadn't listened to him yet, and he realized that they would never listen to him. What they wanted to pursue was something solid and concrete. But in the mental hospital, such things barely existed.

"She's leaving. You're leaving…"

Peter nodded. "I don't know what to tell you, C-Bird. I hate leaving you behind. But if I stay…"

"You and Lucy will leave. You'll both get out. I'll never get out."

"It won't be that bad, you'll be fine," Peter said, but even he knew this was a lie.

"I don't want to stay any longer, either," Francis said. His voice quivered.

"You'll get out," Peter said. "Look, C-Bird, I'll make a promise. After I go through whatever the hell this program they're shipping me to, and then, once I'm clear, I'll get you out. I don't exactly know how, but I will. I won't leave you here."

Francis wanted to believe this, but didn't dare allow himself to. He thought that in his short life many people had made promises and predictions and that precious few of them had ever happened. Caught between the two pillars of the future, one described by Evans, the other pledged by Peter, Francis did not know what to think, but he knew he was a whole lot closer to one than the other.