The studio lights dimmed again. Oliver and Dale went dark and shuffled their papers.

‘Do you have sensitive teeth? Does icecream make you go ow! when you should be going mmmmm?’

Chapter Two

On the morning after it all happened, a young woman, hardly more than a girl, stared across a bare formicatopped table at an interrogating police officer. She was being interviewed in the nextdoor room to the one in which Bruce was being questioned. Unlike Bruce, however, the young woman was considered highly dangerous and was therefore in chains, her thin wrists manacled to her almost equally thin ankles. In fact, so petite was she that it looked as if she could have slipped off the steel bracelets if she had wished and just floated away on the next breeze. She was indifferent to whether they chained her or not. She had nowhere to go anyway.

‘Name?’ said the policewoman.

On the previous morning, this same skinny creature had been asked the same question in the diner of a truckstop motel just off the Pacific Highway, about a hundred miles north of Los Angeles.

‘I been called a lotta things,’ she had replied.

The shortorder chef with whom she was conversing gave her a knowing wink. ‘I’ll bet one of them things wuz beautiful.’

The Chef was right. She was beautiful, with her big eyes and thin face. If ever Disney decided to do a stage version of Bambi they would be looking for a girl like her.

The young woman accepted the chef’s compliment with a giggle. ‘Are you flirting with me?’ she asked, twisting her purse in her hands like a nervous girl.

‘Ain’t nuthin wrong with talking to a pretty thing, is there?’ said the chef.

‘I guess not. ‘Cepting you’re lucky my boyfriend cain’t hear ya. On accounta he’s real mean when it comes to flirty guys. Specially Californian guys, who he reckons is just a bunch of nogood faggots.’ The young woman picked up her change, which was lying on the counter.

‘His name’ (pause) ‘is Bruce Delamitri.’

It was Oliver Martin’s voice. A TV hung from a bracket in the corner of the room, and the waitress had turned up the volume. She liked Coffee Time USA.

‘He is probably the most celebrated artist working in the motionpicture industry today. A great writer, a great director. Hollywood ’s golden boy.’

‘I heard he makes a great pasta sauce too.’

Oliver and Dale were working their morning magic. Their guest, Bruce Delamitri, smiled sardonically out of the TV set. The girl at the counter turned to look. For a moment she and Bruce stared into each other’s eyes. Much later, the girl would wonder whether she had felt something at this point.

The chef was not interested in Coffee Time USA. ‘You say your fuckin’ boyfriend says I’m a faggot?’

‘He don’t mean nuthin by it,’ the scrawny girl said apologetically as she gathered up her Cokes and burgers and fries and headed for the door. ‘It’s just he’s so tough and hard ‘n’ all that I guess pretty much everybody looks like a faggot to him.’

‘You come back soon, little girl. I’ll show you who’s a faggot,’ said the chef. ‘Bring your boyfriend.’

‘He’d kill ya,’ the girl remarked casually over her shoulder as the screen door slammed behind her.

‘Tonight is Oscars night,’ said the television set.

‘So tell us about last night,’ said the policewoman on the following morning.

‘Well, I guess he kinda got the idea when we was having breakfast and Bruce Delamitri was on Coffee Time with Oliver and Dale. We wuz in a motel, see. I like motels. They’re so clean and nice, and they give you soap and stuff. If I got the chance, that’s where I’d live all the time, motels.’

The girl walked across the parking lot from the diner to where the line of chalets stood. There had been a summer rain storm and she was barefoot. She sought out the puddles. Warm water on warm tarmac was a lovely sensation. She had very sensitive feet. Sometimes, if they were touched just right, it could make her entire body shiver. She was always trying to get her big tough boyfriend to give her feet a massage. She might as well have asked him to crochet a toiletroll cover.

‘I don’t believe in no New Age, faggot, hippy bullshit,’ he would say, ‘which in my opinion is eating away at the soul of this great nation and turning us all into old fuckin’ women. Now get me a beer.’

There were certain subjects on which he was entirely intractable, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be tender and gentle when he wanted to be, and when he was, oh how she loved him.

She entered their little cabin with the food. He was lying on the bed where she had left him, a gun resting on his chest and another at his waist.

‘Here’s the food, honey. Seeing as how it’s breakfast, I got you a bacon burger. I told him to be sure to grill that bacon good. I know you don’t like eating no raw pig.’

‘Quiet now, honey. I’m watching TV here.’

On the television Bruce Delamitri was working on his indulgent smile. ‘Copycat killing? Purlease!’ he said. ‘I mean, come on! The whole thing’s a media beatup, the story du jour. Four networks in search of a controversy.’

Bruce could be his own worst enemy at times. You didn’t sneer at the presenters of Coffee Time. Not if you wanted to win the hearts and minds of Middle America, which was the purpose of Bruce’s appearance. Many of Coffee Time’s viewers saw Oliver and Dale as their closest and most loyal friends, and did not take kindly to cleverclever, sneery filmschool grads acting like these friends were dumb.

Oliver sensed the atmosphere of the interview souring. He knew that ‘atmospheres’ of any kind were not good morning TV, and he always desperately sought common ground with his guests.

‘C’mon, Bruce, cut us some slack here,’ he appealed. ‘This is a very serious situation. There are two genuine psychos out there, shooting up malls and killing just about everybody they meet, right? Now, in your Oscarnominated movie Ordinary Americans there’s a very similar young couple who do exactly the same stuff. These two genuine lunatics have blazed a trail across three states massacring innocent strangers.’

‘And every time these crimes are reported in the media,’ Bruce interrupted, ‘the story gets illustrated with a still from my movie. Now who’s making the association? The psychos themselves? Or is it the news editors of America, desperate to get an original angle on yet another boring news bulletin about murder and mayhem?’

‘Copycat murders, for God’s sake! Human beings aren’t Pavlov’s dogs. You can’t just ring a bell and make them salivate. They don’t simply do what they see. If it were that easy to manipulate people, no product would ever fail and no government would ever fall.’

In the motel chalet the scrawny girl was getting bored with watching Bruce on the TV.

‘Baby?’ she said.

‘Quiet, honey. I’m thinking ‘bout something.’

There was a knock at the door.

In an instant the man was off the bed and across the room. He clamped himself against the wall beside the door, naked save for his tattoos and the guns he held in either hand. He put one finger to his lips, instructing the girl to say nothing.

They waited. Inside the TV Bruce continued to pontificate: ‘Our industry’s in danger. It’s under attack. We’re the scapegoats, the whippingboys. Every time some kid lets loose with a gun, who do they blame? They blame Hollywood. They blame me. They don’t like my movies – they say they’re wicked. Well, they’re entitled to their opinion. What they’re not entitled to do is foist their craven and reactionary opinions on to everybody else. Censorship is censorship and it sucks!’