Fortunately the shipment was small, and we finished the loading in an hour and a half. Then twelve men were assigned to go with the two trucks, six on each, to unload the rocks at a construction site. The rest of us were allowed to stay on the beach to have a smoke. This was the best reward for the work, something that made you feel a little like a free man. I lay down with my back against a large boulder and closed my eyes, inhaling the sea air deeply while my mind again turned to my friend's mutilated body. Tears stung my lids and cheeks.

A few barefoot boys loitered around us, each carrying a shoeshine box with a canvas strap across his shoulder. Their calves, mud-spattered, were as thin as sugarcane. They accosted the guards but left us alone, knowing we had no money. Annoyed, a Korean soldier yelled at them, "Carra! Carra!" That probably meant "Go away." Meanwhile, the prisoners just lolled about, enjoying the fishy air and watching the boats on the sea.

8. A DINNER

"Why did they kill Ding Wanlin?" I asked Ming when we met the next morning.

He was taken aback, then forced a smile that creased his face. "He betrayed Commissar Pei," he muttered.

"How could you be so sure it was he?"

"We analyzed all the suspects and concluded that he must've been the one."

"Who are the 'we' you're talking about?"

"I can't tell you that, Yuan. I know Ding Wanlin was your friend. I'm sorry."

"He was tortured by the enemy. Why didn't you take his suffering into account? Who wouldn't have cracked under that kind of torture? You should've at least given him a chance."

"Yuan, I wasn't involved in making the decision. It was decided by the Party. Our struggle here is a matter of life or death. How could we let anyone betray us with impunity? If we don't stop this now, there'll be more traitors."

"Who represents the Party here?"

"I can't tell you."

"Then why do you bother to meet me?"

"Because we're friends. Frankly, I don't feel comfortable about some decisions made by the Party either. We're both college graduates and can understand each other better. But forgive me, you're not a Party member yet, so I can't tell you everything."

The honest look in his broad eyes mollified me a little. He went on to say I should be careful because the screening would take place soon, at which every prisoner would have to decide whether to return to mainland China. The Party leaders predicted that violence might flare up before and during the screening; therefore all the comrades must unite and help one another.

From our conversation I gathered there must be a Party committee in the camp. Very likely Commissar Pei headed it, since he was the highest-ranking officer caught by the enemy. But I wasn't sure whether it was he who had issued Wanlin's death warrant, because he, in solitary confinement, might not have been in contact with others. Ming had mentioned they were trying hard, but so far in vain, to communicate with him, so there must have been a group of Party members functioning as a leading body here.

Two days later, on the evening of March 26,1952, I was summoned to our company's office. When I stepped into the hut, I heard noises in the inner room, in which some people were gathered. They didn't raise their voices, but I could smell alcohol and hear the clink of tableware. Wang Yong, the company chief, sitting at his desk alone, beckoned me to sit down. In front of him stood a mug of steaming cocoa, whose rich scent aroused a pang in my stomach. With a smile on his lumpy face he said, "Brother Feng, we don't have a lot of time to play this game anymore. Tell me who you were."

"I was just a company secretary."

"Stop faking. We know you enrolled at the Huangpu Military Academy. Am I right? Ha-ha, got you." He tossed his head and chortled.

Flustered, I remained silent, wondering where he had obtained this information. Did Wanlin betray me too? Unlikely. I couldn't have been so important as to constitute a question for him in the interrogation. I scrambled to say, "How can you prove that? I never went to college."

"Then how come you know English?"

"I learned it from a missionary."

"Come on, stop pulling this old man's leg. I can tell you how I came to know your background. One of our cooks used to work in the kitchen at your academy. He recognized your face but didn't know your name. He was positive you studied at the Huangpu. See, I'm fair and square with you."

I didn't know what to say and kept my eyes fixed on the warped desktop.

He went on, "Brother Feng, I like you a lot. You're such an innocent, good-looking man that I bet you haven't slept with a woman yet. Why should you tie yourself to the Commies? Most of them may never make it back alive. It's not worth dying for them and being buried in this rotten appendix of northeast Asia."

That was the first time I had heard that expression used to describe Korea. Somewhat amused, I said honestly, "I'm not a Communist, Chief Wang, but I have to go home. I have a sick old mother and a fiancee on the mainland." I took the snapshot of Julan out of my pocket and showed it to him.

He glanced at it, apparently unimpressed, and said, "We all have parents and siblings in China, but a real man should set up his home where his heart is. As for your woman, what you said doesn't hold water."

"How come?"

"I served in the Communist army and know their rules. You're not allowed to live with your woman until you reach the rank of battalion commander. When will you ever be qualified for that? Can you stand that kind of separation from her? Remember when you were at the Huangpu Academy and could pick a girl anytime you liked? This is a big difference, isn't it?"

"My fiancee is a college student in Chengdu City where my division stayed, so we can live close to each other even if I'm not an officer."

"My, you're so naive and single-minded. Your division was already liquidated by the Americans. It doesn't exist anymore. How can you go back to Chengdu? And with whom?"

A sharp pang compressed my chest, but I managed to say, "I'm engaged and obligated to go home."

"Forget about that, brother. There're lots of pretty women in Taiwan. I promise you that once we get there, I'll take you to a pleasure house at my expense, and you'll be so happy that you'll forget where your home is." He paused as though having caught himself. "I'm sorry," he said. "You know I'm not a gentleman and can express myself only in a crude way. In fact, I never went to middle school and never read a book in my whole life. I shouldn't have used those coarse words just now, but I meant good."

"If this is why you had me here, I'm grateful, chief. Can I leave now?"

"Wait a second, we haven't gotten to the real business yet." He lurched up and came around the desk while saying, "I'd like to invite you to dinner this evening so we can chat a bit more."

Without waiting for my agreement, he clutched my elbow and took me into the inner room, where seven men were gathered, all apparently his underlings and buddies. The moment we stepped in, applause broke out. "Welcome, Officer Feng," one of them addressed me. Then the others greeted me respectfully too, as though I were their superior. Obviously they all knew I had been a cadet at the Huangpu Academy.

The air in here was acrid, gray with tobacco smoke. Five tall lamps stood on the dirt floor, the harsh light casting gigantic human shadows on the gray walls. Apparently they had arranged this dinner for me. The high-wattage lamps were intended to keep the room warm. On the round table in front of the men were four courses – a basin of fried squid, a pot of sautéed cabbage with dried clams, a mixing bowl of kimchee, and a roast pork shoulder, which must have weighed at least fifteen pounds, in a rectangular iron pan. Beside the dishes stood a jar of wheat liquor and two bottles of brandy; there was also an aluminum washbasin containing rice covered with a napless towel. The tableware was assorted: bowls and plates of different sizes and colors, army mugs, coffee cups, knives, forks, spoons, and chopsticks. I was somewhat overwhelmed by the sight of the copious dinner, from which I had to force my eyes away. This was the first abundant meal I had seen in a year. Where did they get so much good stuff? Small wonder many prisoners complained that their leaders engaged in graft.