I was surprised, strangely impressed. That soul must have been very brave. I had not had the courage to take that step, even in the beginning when I was sure they were going to try to torture this very information from me. I didn’t imagine they would try to slash the answer out for themselves; that course was so obviously doomed to failure, it had never occurred to me.

“Jeb, we are relatively tiny creatures, utterly dependent on unwilling hosts. We wouldn’t have lasted very long if we didn’t have some defenses.”

“I’m not denying that your kind have a right to those defenses. I’m just telling you that we’re gonna keep fighting back, however we can. We don’t mean to cause anyone pain. We’re makin’ this up as we go. But we will keep fighting.”

We looked at each other.

“Then maybe you should have Doc slice me up. What else am I good for?”

“Now, now. Don’t be silly, Wanda. We humans aren’t so logical as all that. We have a greater range of good and bad in us than you do. Well, maybe mostly the bad.”

I nodded at that, but he kept going, ignoring me.

“We value the individual. We probably put too much emphasis on the individual, if it comes right down to it. How many people, in the abstract, would… let’s say Paige… how many people would she sacrifice to keep Andy alive? The answer wouldn’t make any sense if you were looking at the whole of humanity as equals.

“The way you are valued here… Well, that don’t make much sense when you look at it from humanity’s perspective, either. But there’s some who would value you above a human stranger. Have to admit, I put myself in that group. I count you as a friend, Wanda. Course, that’s not gonna work well if you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Jeb. But…”

“Yeah?”

“I just don’t see how I can live here anymore. Not if you’re going to be slaughtering my family in the other room. And I can’t leave, obviously. So you see what I mean? What else is there for me but Doc’s pointless cutting?” I shuddered.

He nodded seriously. “Now, that’s a real valid point. It’s not fair to ask you to live with that.”

My stomach dropped. “If I get a choice, I’d rather you shot me, actually,” I whispered.

Jeb laughed. “Slow down there, honey. Nobody’s shooting my friends, or hackin’ ’ em up. I know you’re not lying, Wanda. If you say doing it our way isn’t going to work, then we’re going to have to rethink things. I’ll tell the boys they’re not to bring any more souls back for now. Besides, I think Doc’s nerves are toast. He can’t take much more of this.”

“You could be lying to me,” I reminded him. “I probably couldn’t tell.”

“You’ll have to trust me, then. Because I’m not going to shoot you. And I’m not going to let you starve yourself, either. Eat something, kid. That’s an order.”

I took a deep breath, trying to think. I wasn’t sure if we’d come to an accommodation or not. Nothing made sense in this body. I liked the people here too much. They were friends. Monstrous friends that I couldn’t see in the proper light while sunk in emotion.

Jeb picked up a thick square of cornbread soaked through with stolen honey and shoved it into my hand.

It made a mess there, crumbling into gluey morsels that stuck to my fingers. I sighed again and started cleaning them off with my tongue.

“That’s a girl! We’ll get over this rough spot. Things are gonna work out here, you’ll see. Try to think positive.”

“Think positive,” I mumbled around a mouthful of food, shaking my head with disbelief. Only Jeb…

Ian came back then. When he walked into our circle of light and saw the food in my hand, the look that spread across his face filled me with guilt. It was a look of joyous relief.

No, I had never intentionally caused anyone physical pain, but I had hurt Ian deeply enough just by hurting myself. Human lives were so impossibly tangled. What a mess.

“Here you are, Jeb,” he said in a subdued voice as he sat down across from us, just slightly closer to Jeb. “Jared guessed you might be here.”

I dragged myself half a foot toward him, my arms aching from being motionless so long, and put my hand on his.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

He turned his hand up to hold mine. “Don’t apologize to me.”

“I should have known. Jeb’s right. Of course you fight back. How can I blame you for that?”

“It’s different with you here. It should have stopped.”

But my being here had only made it that much more important to solve the problem. How to rip me out and keep Melanie here. How to erase me to bring her back.

“All’s fair in war,” I murmured, trying to smile.

He grinned weakly back. “And love. You forgot that part.”

“Okay, break it up,” Jeb mumbled. “I’m not done here.”

I looked at him curiously. What more was there?

“Now.” He took a deep breath. “Try not to freak out again, okay?” he asked, looking at me.

I froze, gripping Ian’s hand tighter.

Ian threw an anxious glance at Jeb.

“You’re going to tell her?” Ian asked.

“What now?” I gasped. “What is it now?”

Jeb had his poker face on. “It’s Jamie.”

Those two words turned the world upside down again.

For three long days, I’d been Wanderer, a soul among humans. I was suddenly Wanda again, a very confused soul with human emotions that were too powerful to control.

I jumped to my feet-yanking Ian up with me, my hand locked on his like a vise-and then swayed, my head spinning.

“Sheesh. I said don’t freak out, Wanda. Jamie’s okay. He’s just really anxious about you. He heard what happened, and he’s been asking for you-worried out of his mind, that kid is-and I don’t think it’s good for him. I came down here to ask you to go see him. But you can’t go like this. You look horrible. It will just upset him for no good reason. Sit down and eat some more food.”

“His leg?” I demanded.

“There’s a little infection,” Ian murmured. “Doc wants him to stay down or he’d have come to get you a long time ago. If Jared wasn’t practically pinning him to the bed, he would have come anyway.”

Jeb nodded. “Jared almost came here and carried you out by force, but I told him to let me speak to you first. It wouldn’t do the kid any good to see you catatonic.”

My blood felt as though it had changed into ice water. Surely just my imagination.

“What’s being done?”

Jeb shrugged. “Nothin’ to do. Kid’s strong; he’ll fight it off.”

“Nothing to do? What do you mean?”

“It’s a bacterial infection,” Ian said. “We don’t have antibiotics anymore.”

“Because they don’t work-the bacteria are smarter than your medicines. There has to be something better, something else.”

“Well, we don’t have anything else,” Jeb said. “He’s a healthy kid. It just has to run its course.”

“Run… its… course.” I murmured the words in a daze.

“Eat something,” Ian urged. “You’ll worry him if he sees you like this.”

I rubbed my eyes, trying to think straight.

Jamie was sick. There was nothing to treat him with here. No options but waiting to see if his body could heal itself. And if it couldn’t…

“No,” I gasped.

I felt as if I were standing on the edge of Walter’s grave again, listening to the sound of sand falling into the darkness.

“No,” I moaned, fighting against the memory.

I turned mechanically and started walking with stiff strides toward the exit.

“Wait,” Ian said, but he didn’t pull against the hand he still held. He kept pace with me.

Jeb caught up to me on the other side and shoved more food into my free hand.

“Eat for the kid’s sake,” he said.

I bit into it without tasting, chewed without thinking, swallowed without feeling the food go down.

“Knew she was gonna overreact,” Jeb grumbled.

“So why did you tell her?” Ian asked, frustrated.

Jeb didn’t answer. I wondered why he didn’t. Was this worse even than I imagined?