Doc shook his head again. “Let me think.”

“You already know the answer, Doc. This is what you’ve been searching for.”

He just kept shaking his head slowly back and forth.

I ignored that symbol of denial because we both knew his choice was made.

“I’ll get Jared,” I said. “We’ll make a quick raid for cryotanks. Hold off the others. Tell them… tell them the truth. Tell them I’m going to help you get the Seeker out of that body.”

CHAPTER 51.Prepared

I found Jared and Jamie in our room, waiting for me, worry on both their faces. Jared must have talked to Jeb.

“Are you all right?” Jared asked me, while Jamie jumped up and threw his arms around my waist.

I wasn’t sure how to answer his question. I didn’t know the answer. “Jared, I need your help.”

Jared was on his feet as soon as I was done speaking. Jamie leaned back to look at my face. I didn’t meet Jamie’s gaze. I wasn’t sure how much I could bear right now.

“What do you need me to do?” Jared asked.

“I’m making a raid. I could use some… extra muscle.”

“What are we after?” He was intense, already shifting into his mission mode.

“I’ll explain on the way. We don’t have a lot of time.”

“Can I come?” Jamie said.

“No!” Jared and I said together.

Jamie frowned and let me go, sinking down onto the mattress and crossing his legs. He put his face in his hands and sulked. I couldn’t look directly at him before I ducked out of the room. I was already yearning to sit beside him, to hold him tight and forget this whole mess.

Jared followed as I retraced my path through the south tunnel.

“Why this way?” he asked.

“I…” He would know if I tried to lie or evade. “I don’t want to run into anyone. Jeb, Aaron, or Brandt, particularly.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to have to explain myself to them. Not yet.”

He was quiet, trying to make sense of my answer.

I changed the subject. “Do you know where Lily is? I don’t think she should be alone. She seems…”

“Ian’s with her.”

“That’s good. He’s the kindest.”

Ian would help Lily-he was exactly what she needed now. Who would help Ian when…? I shook my head, shaking the thought away.

“What are we in such a hurry to get?” Jared asked me.

I took a deep breath before I answered him. “Cryotanks.”

The south tunnel was black. I could not see his face. His footsteps did not falter beside me, and he didn’t say anything for several minutes. When he spoke again, I could hear that he was focusing on the raid-single-minded, setting aside whatever curiosity he felt until after the mission was planned to his satisfaction.

“Where do we get them?”

“Empty cryotanks are stored outside Healing facilities until they’re needed. With more souls coming in than leaving, there will be a surplus. No one will guard them; no one will notice if some go missing.”

“Are you sure? Where did you get this information?”

“I saw them in Chicago, piles and piles of them. Even the little facility we went to in Tucson had a small store of them, crated outside the delivery bay.”

“If they were crated, then how can you be sure -”

“Haven’t you noticed our fondness for labels?”

“I’m not doubting you,” he said. “I just want to make sure that you’ve thought this through.”

I heard the double meaning in his words.

“I have.”

“Let’s get it done, then.”

Doc was already gone-already with Jeb, as we hadn’t passed him on the way. He must have left right behind me. I wondered how his news was being taken. I hoped they weren’t stupid enough to discuss it in front of the Seeker. Would she shred her human host’s brain if she guessed what I was doing? Would she assume I’d turned traitor entirely? That I would give the humans what they needed with no restrictions?

Wasn’t that what I was about to do, though? When I was gone, would Doc bother to keep his word?

Yes, he would try. I believed that. I had to believe that. But he couldn’t do it alone. And who would help him?

We scrambled up the tight black vent that opened onto the southern face of the rocky hill, about halfway up the low peak. The eastern edge of the horizon was turning gray, with just a hint of pink bleeding into the line between sky and rock.

My eyes were locked on my feet as I climbed down. It was necessary; there was no path, and the loose rocks made for treacherous footing. But even if the way had been paved and smooth, I doubted I would have been able to lift my eyes. My shoulders, too, seemed trapped in a slump.

Traitor. Not a misfit, not a wanderer. Just a traitor. I was putting my gentle brothers’ and sisters’ lives into the angry and motivated hands of my adopted human family.

My humans had every right to hate the souls. This was a war, and I was giving them a weapon. A way to kill with impunity.

I considered this as we ran through the desert in the growing light of dawn-ran because, with the Seekers looking, we shouldn’t be out in the daylight.

Focusing on this angle-viewing my choice not as a sacrifice but rather as arming the humans in exchange for the Seeker’s life-I knew that it was wrong. And if I was trying to save only the Seeker, this would be the moment when I would change my mind and turn around. She wasn’t worth selling out the others. Even she would agree with that.

Or would she? I suddenly wondered. The Seeker didn’t seem to be as… what was the word Jared had used? Altruistic. As altruistic as the rest of us. Maybe she would count her own life dearer than the lives of many.

But it was too late to change my mind. I’d already thought far beyond just saving the Seeker. For one thing, this would happen again. The humans would kill any souls they came across unless I gave them another option. More than that, I was going to save Melanie, and that was worth the sacrifice. I was going to save Jared and Jamie, too. Might as well save the repugnant Seeker while I was at it.

The souls were wrong to be here. My humans deserved their world. I could not give it back to them, but I could give them this. If only I could be sure that they would not be cruel.

I would just have to trust Doc, and hope.

And maybe wring the promise from a few more of my friends, just in case.

I wondered how many human lives I would save. How many souls’ lives I might save. The only one I couldn’t save now was myself.

I sighed heavily. Even over the sound of our exerted breathing, Jared heard that. In my peripheral vision, I saw his face turn, felt his eyes boring into me, but I did not look over to meet his gaze. I stared at the ground.

We got to the jeep’s hiding place before the sun had climbed over the eastern peaks, though the sky was already light blue. We ducked into the shallow cave just as the first rays painted the desert sand gold.

Jared grabbed two bottles of water out of the backseat, tossed one to me, and then lounged against the wall. He gulped down half a bottle and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he spoke.

“I could tell you were in a hurry to get out of there, but we need to wait until dark if you’re planning a smash and grab.”

I swallowed my mouthful of water. “That’s fine. I’m sure they’ll wait for us now.”

His eyes searched my face.

“I saw your Seeker,” he told me, watching my reaction. “She’s… energetic.”

I nodded. “And vocal.”

He smiled and rolled his eyes. “She doesn’t seem to enjoy the accommodations we provided.”

My gaze dropped to the floor. “Could be worse,” I mumbled. The strangely jealous hurt I’d been feeling leaked, uninvited, into my voice.

“That’s true,” he agreed, his voice subdued.

“Why are they so kind to her?” I whispered. “She killed Wes.”

“Well, that’s your fault.”