'Yeah, but it's for a good cause,' Sally said. It's for the little dudes.'

Sally eased the bus up to the curb in front of the rental house and opened the door with a whoosh of the hydraulic. 'Here we are.' he said. 'Everybody out.'

I tagged along after my mother, Grandma Mazur, Valerie and the baby, and Sally as they all hustled up to the front porch. My mother knocked on the landlords door, and everyone quieted down for a moment. My mother knocked a second time. Still, no one opened the door.

'That's odd,' Grandma said. 'I thought she was supposed to be home.'

Sally put his ear to the door. 'I think I hear someone breathing in there.'

Probably she was on the floor, having a coronary. A herd of lunatics just got out of a big yellow school bus and descended on her porch. 'You better open up if you're in there,' Grandma yelled. 'We got a bounty hunter out here.'

The door cracked open, the security chain in place. 'Edna? Is that you?' the woman asked.

Grandma Mazur squinted at the eyes behind the door. 'Yep, it's me,' she said. 'Who are you?'

'Esther Hamish. I always sit by you at bingo.'

'Esther Hamish!' Grandma said. 'I didn't know you were the one who bought this house.'

'Yep,' Esther said. 'I had some money socked away from Harry's insurance policy, God bless him, may he rest in peace.' Everyone made the sign of the cross. Rest in peace, we all said.

'Well, we come to see about the rental,' Grandma told Esther. 'This here's my granddaughter. She's looking for a place.'

'How nice,' Esther said. 'Let me get the key. You had me going for a minute there. I've never had a school bus park in front of my house before.'

'Yeah,' Grandma said. 'It's new to us, too, but we're getting used to it. I like that it's a nice cheery yellow. Its a real happy color.'

'Problem is, it blocks the view of the street. Of course I guess it could be worse. We could have our view blocked by one of those vans that carries aliens around. I was listening to news on the radio, and they said a bunch of aliens were found dead from heatstroke in one of them vans yesterday. Imagine that. Here these poor creatures travel through space to get to us, all those light years and galaxies away, and then they die from heat stroke in a van.'

'What a shame,' Esther said.

'I'm just glad it wasn't in front of my house,' Grandma said. I'd feel terrible if I had to find ET dead in a van.'

Seven

ESTHER HAMISH'S RENTAL was a lot like my parents' house. Living room, dining room, kitchen on the ground floor. Three small bedrooms and bath on the second floor. Narrow backyard.

Minuscule front yard. A stand-alone, two-car garage to the rear of the property.

The interior was clean but tired. The bathroom and kitchen were serviceable but dated. Again, a lot like my parents' house.

And clearly the house was occupied.

'When will it be available?' Valerie asked.

'Two weeks,' Esther said. 'I have a young family in here now, and they just bought a house. They'll be moving in two weeks.'

'Wait a minute,' I said. 'The paper said immediate occupancy.'

'Well, two weeks is almost immediate,' Esther said. 'When you get to be my age, two weeks is nothing.'

Two weeks. I'll be dead in two weeks! Valerie needs to move out of my apartment now.

Valerie turned to my mother. 'What do you think?'

'It's perfect,' my mother said.

Esther looked at Sally. 'Are you the son-in-law?'

'Nope,' Sally said. 'I'm the bus driver and the wedding planner.'

'The son-in-law is a lawyer,' my mother said proudly.

Esther perked up when she heard that.

'You should take it,' Grandma said to Valerie.

'Yeah,' Sally said. 'You should take it.'

'Okay,' Valerie said. 'It's a deal.'

So here we go again, there's good news, and there's bad news.

The good news is I'm getting my apartment back. The bad news is I'm not getting it back soon enough.

'I need a doughnut,' I said, more to myself than anyone else.

'That's a good idea,' Grandma said. 'I could go for a doughnut.'

'Back to the bus,' Sally said. 'We're all going for doughnuts.'

Five minutes later, Sally was parked in front of Tasty Pastry. The doors whooshed open and everyone tramped out for celebratory doughnuts. Grandma picked out two, my mother picked out two, Valerie got two, and Sally got two. And I got a dozen. I said they were for the office, but if my day didn't improve there was a good chance I'd eat every last one of them.

Renee Platt was behind the counter. 'Wow, it's really brave of you to take on the Slayers,' she said to me. 'I sure wouldn't want to mess with any of those guys.'

'Who are the Slayers?' my mother wanted to know.

'Nobody special,' I told my mother. 'And I didn't take them on.'

'I heard you went into their territory with a tank and ran over a bunch of them,' Renee said. 'Including the head guy. And I heard you're the only one who can identify the Red Devil. And that you've sworn a blood oath to get him.'

'Omigod,' I said. 'Who did you hear that from?'

'Everybody knows,' Renee said. Its all over town.'

My mother crossed herself and ate her two doughnuts on the spot. 'It's the Hungarian side of the family.' Grandma said. 'We're tough. We come from a long line of army deserters and nasty alcoholics.'

'Probably we should be going home now,' I said. My mother looked like the two doughnuts didn't do it. My mother had her lips pressed so tight together her face was turning blue. I was a trial to my mother.

We all trooped out to the bus and took our seats. 'Let me know if you need help rounding up those Slayers,' Grandma said to me.

'I don't know what they are, but I bet I could kick some Slayer butt.'

They're a gang,' Sally said. 'A really bad gang. I have to go through their territory to pick up a couple kids on my bus route, and it's like going through a war zone. They have sentries on the corners and soldiers patrolling the streets. And I don't know what it is, but these guys never smile. They just stand there, staring, like the living dead.'

'What do gangs do?' Grandma wanted to know.

They act tough,' Sally said. 'And these days they control a lot of the drug traffic. And they kill each other.'

'I don't know what this world's coming to,' Grandma said. 'Used to be the mob did that. What's left for the mob to do? No wonder Lou Raguzzi looks so bad. I saw him the other day at Stiva's and his shoes were all run down at the heel. He probably can't afford to buy shoes.'

'Lou's doing fine,' my mother said. 'He's being audited by the IRS. He got those shoes special so he wouldn't look too successful.'

Everyone crossed themselves at the mention of the IRS. Street gangs and the mob paled in comparison to fear of the tax code.

'I'm going to have to take off,' Sally said, stopping in front of my parents' house. 'I have to get across town to start picking the little dudes up.'

'Thanks for the ride,' Grandma said, making her way down the bus steps. 'Maybe I'll see you tonight. There's a good viewing at Stiva's. Charley Whitehead's laid out, and the Knights of Columbus should be there tonight. They always put on a good show. They're the best of the lodges.'

I took Valerie's diaper bag, and my mother took Valerie's purse, and we all followed Grandma off the bus and up to the house.

'I have to go, too,' I said, depositing the diaper bag in the hallway.

'It was nice of you to help your sister find a place,' my mother said to me.

I hiked my own bag onto my shoulder. 'Thanks, but it was self-serving.'

'It would have been self-serving to order her out of your apartment. Finding her a house was a nice thing to do.'

I took my bag of doughnuts, called goodbye to everyone, and let myself out. I climbed into Ranger's truck, and I sat there for a moment, trying to calm myself. I was going to be in big trouble if the rumors got back to the Slayers. The Slayers wouldn't like being run over and hunted down by a pasty-faced white woman. It wasn't the sort of thing that earned gangland prestige points. Not much I can do about it now, I thought. The best I could do was to stay away from them and try to keep a low profile. With any luck, the Slayers would be busy selling drugs and shooting each other and not have time for me.