Lowanda was in the recliner with her back to us, a phone to her ear and a bucket of chicken nuggets balanced on the roll of fat that circled her waist. She was wearing gray sweats decorated with ketchup stains.

'Yeah, honey,' she said into the phone. That's good, baby. Oh yeah. Oh-h-h-h yeah. I just got myself all naked for you. An' I got love oil on myself 'cause I'm gonna get hot.'

'Hey!' Lula said. 'Lowanda, you paying attention here?'

Lowanda jumped in her seat and whipped around to look at us.

'What the hell?' she said. 'What are you doing scaring me like that when I'm trying to earn a honest living?' She returned to the phone. 'Excuse me, sugar. Lowanda's got a small problem. Could you just work on yourself some? I be right back.' She covered the phone with her hand and got up, some of the chair stuffing sticking to her double-wide ass. 'What?'

'We're looking for Roger Banker,' Lula said.

'Well, he isn't here. Does it look like he's here?'

'Maybe he's hiding in the other room,' Lula said.

'You got a search warrant?'

'We don't need a search warrant,' Lula said. 'We're bounty hunters.'

'Whatever,' Lowanda said. 'Just do your search and get out. I gotta get back to my caller. Soon as you stop talking to Mr Stiffy he turns into Mr Softy. And I get paid by the job. I do a volume business here.'

Lula moved through the house while I stayed with Lowanda.

'I'm willing to pay for information,' I told Lowanda. 'Do you have any information?'

'How much you paying?'

'Depends on the information,' I said.

'I got an address. I know where he's at if you hurry over there.'

She handed the phone over to me. 'You talk to this guy, and I'll write down the address.'

'Wait a minute 'Hello?' Mr Stiffy said. 'Who's this?'

'None of your business.'

'I like that,' he said. 'Spunky. I bet you'd like to spank me.'

'Wait a minute. I know your voice. Vinnie?'

'Stephanie? Christ.' Disconnect.

Lowanda came back with the paper. 'Here it is,' she said. 'This is where he's staying.'

I looked at the paper. 'This is your sister's address.'

'And? What happened to my caller?'

'He hung up. He was done.'

Lula returned to the living room. 'Lowanda,' she said, 'you better do something about your kitchen. You got a cockroach as big as a cow in there.'

I gave Lowanda a twenty. 'This is it? This is all I get?' Lowanda said.

'If Banker's at Beverly's house, I'll be back with the rest of the money.'

°Where's the dogs?' Lula wanted to know.

'Out,' Lowanda said. They like to go out when the weather's nice.'

Lula opened Lowandas door and looked around. 'How far out do they go?'

'How the hell do I know? They go out. And they stay out all day. Out is out.'

'Just asking,' Lula said. 'No need to get touchy. You don't exactly have the best-mannered dogs, Lowanda.'

Lowanda had her hands on her hips, lower lip stuck out, eyes narrowed. 'You dissin' on my dogs?'

'Yeah,' Lula said. 'I hate your dogs. Your dogs are rude. Those dogs hump everything.'

'Wasn't so long ago people was saying that about you,' Lowanda said. 'You got some nerve coming around here asking for information and then dissin' my dogs. I got a mind to never give you no more information.'

I grabbed Lula before she removed Lowanda's eyes from her eye sockets, and I shoved Lula out the door.

'Don't provoke her,' I said to Lula. 'She's probably got guns.'

'I got a gun,' Lula said. 'And I got a mind to use it.'

'No guns! And get moving. I don't like standing out here in the open where the dogs can find us.'

'I think she insulted me,' Lula said. 'I'm not ashamed of my past. I was a damn good 'ho. But I didn't like the tone of her voice just now. It was an insulting tone.'

'I don't care what tone she had… move your butt to the car before the dogs get us.'

'What's with you and the dogs? Here I just been insulted, and all you can think about is the dogs.'

'Do you want to be standing here when those dogs come running around the corner of the building?'

'Huh. I could take care of those dogs if I had to. It's not like I'm afraid of those dogs.'

'Well, I'm afraid of those dogs, so haul ass.'

And that was when we heard them. Yipping, yipping, yipping in the distance. On the move. Getting closer. Somewhere out of sight, to the side of the building.

'Oh shit,' Lula said. And Lula started running for the car, knees up, arms pumping.

I was two steps in front of her, running for all I was worth. I could hear the dogs round the corner. I turned to look, and I saw them galloping after us, eyes wild, mouths open, tongues and ears catching wind. They were closing ground fast, the biggest of them in the lead.

Lula let out a shriek. 'Lord help me!'

I guess the Lord was listening because they ran past Lula and took me down. The first dog hit me square in the back, sending me to my knees. Not a good position to be in when you're attacked by a pack of humpers. I tried to regain my footing, but the dogs were on me, and I couldn't get up. I had humpers on both legs, and a bulldog that looked like Winston Churchill humping my head. There was a humper on a humper.

'Keep going. Save yourself!' I yelled to Lula. Tell my mother I love her.'

'Get up!' Lula yelled at me. 'You gotta get up! Those dogs'll hump you to death.'

She was right. The pack was vicious. It was in a humping frenzy.

Dogs in inferior humping positions were snarling and nipping, jockeying for better locations. The leg humpers held tight, grimly determined to finish the job, but the head humper kept losing his grip. The head humper was drooling and panting hot dog breath in my face. He'd hump some and slide off, and then he'd come scrambling back, trying to hump again.

'I can't get up!' I said. I've got seven humping dogs on me. Seven. Do something!'

Lula was running around, hands in the air. 'I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.'

'Get the dog off my head,' I yelled. 'I don't care about the leg humpers. Just get the dog off my head!'

'Maybe you should let them have their way with you,' Lula said. 'They'll go away as soon as they're done. That's the way it is with male humping.'

'Maybe you should goddamn grab this horny humping bulldog and get him the hell off my freaking head!'

The door to Lowanda's apartment crashed open, and Lowanda yelled out to us. 'Hey!' she said. 'What are you doing to my dogs?'

'We aren't doing nothing,' Lula said. They're humping Stephanie.'

Lowanda had a bag of dog kibble in her hand. She shook the bag and the dogs stopped humping and looked around. Lowanda shook the bag some more and the dogs gave a couple last halfhearted humps and took off for the kibble.

'Dumb-ass bounty hunters,' Lowanda said, disappearing into the house with the dogs, slamming and locking the door behind her.

'I thought you were a goner,' Lula said to me.

I was on my back, breathing heavy, eyes closed. 'Give me a minute.'

'You're a mess,' Lula said. 'Those dogs humped all over you. And you got something in your hair from that bulldog.'

I got to my feet. 'I'm going with drool. It looks like drool, right?'

'If you say so.'

Lula and I moved to the safety of the car, and Lula drove the distance to Beverly's apartment. Beverly's apartment looked a lot like Lowanda's, except Beverly didn't have a recliner. Beverly had a couch hauled up to her television. The couch was partially covered with a blue sheet, and I feared there was a gross stain under the sheet, too terrible for even Beverly to overlook.

'You can't come in here now,' Beverly said, when she opened the door. 'I'm busy. I got my honey here, and we were just getting it on.'

'More information than I need,' Lula said. 'I just watched a pack of dogs hump Stephanie. I about reached my humping limit for the day.'