“This corny gigolo,” Cookie added witheringly.

Dion, who until this moment had seemed merely interested, put down his glass and frowned at Jack. “No like you,” he asserted. “You want kick in face, trample?”

Phil winced, visualizing it in the full, rich details.

“Do you know who you’re talking to?” Cookie demanded of Dion.

“Don’t brawl boys,” Mary called from the alcove, “at least until I’ve finished this ticklish part.” She was putting some finishing touches on Moe Brimstine’s face under the magnifier. “Then I think I’d like to watch you tramp around, Dion man.”

“Don’t anybody worry,” Jack said sadly. “I’m not looking for a fight even if I was handed one. I’m too downhearted about this innocent, thoughtless, uneducated wife of mine.”

“Uneducated?” she exploded. “After being married to you all these years? You got so many rotten ideas you’re a whole university. Well, I’ve graduated. And shut up, now, ’cause I got to tell Phil here where he can find Moe Brimstine and maybe Billig and his cat.”

Jack whirled toward her. “Juno, you don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t know what you’d be doing. Just come upstairs a minute and I’ll explain the whole deal.”

“Come upstairs?” Juno mocked. “Tell that to the green farm girls trying to break into the wrestling racket. Now look here, Phil. Brimstine…”

“Juno!” Jack yelled, “I didn’t want to tell you in front of everybody, but there’s a million dollars riding on this deal for me and you, if Billig pulls out of his trouble. Which he can do, so long as he has the green cat to trade to the government. And look, Juno, Billig’s lost all his bodyguards and power and everything – he’s got to depend on Brimstine and me and Cookie.”

Juno stared at him. For a second or two there was silence. Then Sacheverell coughed delicately.

“Jack,” he said unhurriedly, “I am convinced that you have a deep appreciation of spiritual values. Your aura may flicker and dim, but in the end it always glows out bright and clear. Yesterday you gave up ten thousand dollars Moe Brimstine would have given you for the Green One, just in order that we might worship him properly and help him change the world. Now if you were willing to do that…”

“I know, I know,” Jack snarled at him impatiently, “but this time it’s really big money.”

Sacheverell looked up at the ceiling, as if he were silently telling some god just how evil a world it was.

“I was flattered by you and Mary for a while,” Jack went on. “I liked your style and I fell for some of your wild ideas. I played along with you to the tune of ten thousand dollars, though I won’t say I wasn’t going to steal the green cat back and sell it to Brimstine after you’d had your fun with it. But tuck your aura up over your ears and get this through your head: this time it’s really big money.”

Sacheverell said, “Mary, remind me to burn our black sweaters tomorrow morning.”

From the look on Juno’s face, Phil could tell that Jack had finally done something to please her.

But he had done it rather too late. The satisfaction washed out of Juno’s face and only the grimness was left as she said to him, “That million was just for you, Jack, or for you and Cookie until half a minute ago. Another thing, Billig isn’t going to pull out of this – and if he did he’s the kind of man who kills the people who save him. But even if you got your million, I wouldn’t take any part of it. Don’t get the idea that anybody, including that crazy green cat, has made me go soft. It’s just that I wouldn’t ever accept anything from you, Jack – not ever again.” Without a pause she turned to Phil and said, “Brimstine’s behind the counter in the Bug-Eyed Bar in All Pleasures Amusement Park. I’ll take you to the exact spot.”

At that moment, when everyone was watching Juno, a cool, scornful voice spoke from the dining room: “And we’ll be coming along.”

Phil’s head followed the others around. Standing in front of Lucky’s altar, his bulging forehead wrinkled with unsmiling amusement, was Carstairs. To his left stood Llewellyn, eyes gleaming in his impassive black face. To Carstairs’ right lounged Buck, yawning but watchful. Phil got the feeling that the hep-thugs were trying to look like the muzzles of the weapons they held with casual proficiency. Close beside Buck and a little behind him stood Mitzie Romadka.

Carstairs said, “We’ve been finding out some things about this green cat ourselves.” He could talk very softly because there wasn’t any noise in the room. “We think it would be a lot more desirable if we were the ones who sold the cat to Uncle Sammy. You people are going to help us get the cat. Incidentally, clown,” he addressed Phil, “your little girl friend here was responsible for our locating you people. Isn’t that so, Mitz?”

But Mitzie said nothing. To Phil, she looked remarkably pale, tight-lipped and miserable for a girl enjoying a revenge.

“Yes,” Carstairs continued, “she came whimpering to us a little while ago, asking us to kidnap you or something silly like that. Can you imagine, clown, your girl friend was stupid enough to think we’d be pleased at her and even do something for her, after we’d kicked her out of the gang and she’d skunked on us to Billig? Youthful illusions die hard. Well, instead of that she did something for us. After a little persuasion she told us all she knows about the green cat and you people, also some addresses – including this one.”

And now Phil saw that Mitzie was looking at him agitatedly and trying to speak, but couldn’t get her mouth open. He realized her mouth must be taped shut with some transparent, non-reflecting material. Buck noticed and twisted her wrist while thoughtfully watching her face.

Carstairs concluded, “There’s not much more to say. You and you and you” – and he stabbed a gun muzzle at Jack, Cookie and Sacheverell -”are staying here with my friend Llewellyn. Dear little Mitz will stay here too that’s partly in case you get any funny ideas, clown. The rest of you are coming along with Buck and me on a thrill-packed trip to All Pleasures. According to what Mitz tells us, you all may have useful angles on catching this cat for us. Transportation’s out in front.”

Juno got up with a sullen shrug. Dion for once was very quiet. Phil found himself wondering whether or not Opperly and Dytie had avoided the hep-thugs.

Mary Akeley took the dolls depicting Moe Brimstine and Dr. Romadka, put them in a big handbag, caught up a bolero jacket, and calmly announced, “Well, I’m ready.”

XIX

THIRD MILLENNIUM THRILLS!

1000 FEET OF FREE-FALL!

RECORDED KISSES AND HUGS!

Cuddle Your Favorite Star

Better Than Handies

YOUR MIND CLEARED IN TEN MINUTES!

Relive Your Childhood

You’ll Feel Ripping as a Rocket!

TEST YOUR STRENGTH AGAINST A BEM!

KILL MARTIANS!

THROW ROCKS AT GLAMOR GIRLS!

FLUORESCENT TATTOOS!

THOSEwere a few of the signs that flared and blared at Phil as he was marched across the springy, rubberized, plasti-bottle strewn grounds of All Pleasures Amusement Park.

The government crack-down on Fun Incorporated had produced a few tangible changes in Double AP, as far as Phil could judge from his last visit. The burlesque juke boxes were padlocked, the rubberoid figures that would shimmy orgiastically for a quarter were shrouded from view. Dresses were perhaps an inch higher than usual on the bosoms of the girls working in concessions. There didn’t seem to be any shifty-eyed gents recruiting special parties to meet a gambling robot or enjoy some other form of illegal entertainment. In front of the side show someone was painting out the sign that read, “See the Woman With Four Mammary Glands!” Phil noticed Dion looking up at this defacement rather wistfully.