Frederick Zackel

Dark Red And Deadly

"Is there anything in your past that might embarrass the President-Elect?"

That’s where I come in. My name is Terry Rafferty. I don’t work for the government. I work for the President-Elect. My job is to vett the nominations.

Don’t ask me what I can do for my country.

I’ve had to do the damnedest things already.

The Quint house in rainforest Hawaii was a two story spacious building along the lines of a hunting lodge. There were goats and chickens, diapers on a clothesline, a pickup truck parked beside a vegetable garden surrounded by a chicken wire fence, and a large wooden crucifix. Between the house and that crucifix was a huge, old-fashioned satellite dish antenna pointed at the heavens.

Inside the garden a skinny gray-bearded man, stripped to the waist, was shoveling wet manure from the rear of his pickup truck atop a giant compost heap. A loaded shotgun was resting against his wheelbarrow. While he shoveled, a young pit bull terrier approached the compost pile, sniffed it, was distressed by the smell and whined to his master.

The bearded man shooed the dog away. The dog ran off, disappeared. The bearded man kept working, then looked up at the arrival of a rented car.

The rental car coming up the drive slammed on the brakes and stopped in front of some peacocks who stood in its path screaming like somebody wide-awake during major surgery.

Terry Rafferty slowly pulled around the peacocks to the Quint family home. He was a tall, wiry redhead in his early forties. His sunroof was opened.

The bearded man jumped his fence with his shotgun and ran across the yard towards Rafferty who had already parked and left his car.

Rafferty said, "Jeremiah Quint? Aloha!"

Jeremiah Quint said, "It is the wicked who with hands and words invite death, who consider it a friend, and pine for it, and made a covenant with death, because they deserve to be its possession."

Rafferty was puzzled by that.

Jeremiah Quint told Rafferty, "Stay inside your car!"

Two pit bull terriers came loping around the house towards Rafferty. The younger, smaller dog barked at Rafferty, while the older dog walked stiff-legged towards Rafferty, growling, with bared teeth and a menacing manner.

Rafferty moved back towards his car.

While the smaller dog kept barking, the larger dog jumped onto the hood of Rafferty's car, his toenails scratching the finish, and started towards Rafferty.

Rafferty got back into the car before the dog could lunge at Rafferty.

The larger dog went up the windshield and onto the roof of the car, wanting to climb into the sunroof.

Rafferty realized his sunroof was opened.

The larger dog put his head partway in the sunroof, his jaws wide, his teeth apart.

Rafferty slammed the sunroof on him, catching his throat, and Rafferty tried choking him with it.

The larger dog struggled, one eye glaring at Rafferty, the sunroof the only obstacle keeping him back from clawing Rafferty.

Jeremiah Quint told the dogs, "Shadrach! Abednego! Hold! Shadrach! Abednego! On the porch! Now!"

The larger dog eased up instantly, the fight gone from his eyes. The dog pulled back sharply, pulling his muzzle out of jeopardy, and Rafferty could close the sunroof.

The dogs made a mad dash towards the house and sat on the porch.

Shaken, Rafferty left his car and approached Jeremiah.

Jeremiah pointed his shotgun at Rafferty.

"You're trespassing. And visitors aren't welcome."

Rafferty kept walking closer, came alongside a hibiscus tree.

Rafferty said, "Jeremiah Quint? I'm Terry Rafferty. I'm here to see Jimmy."

An angry, fearful man, Jeremiah sighted his shotgun at Rafferty.

"Howl, for the day of the Lord is near, as destruction from the Almighty it comes."

"I’m Jimmy’s friend. So is Senator Kincaid."

"When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not ready to trust him."

"I really am his friend," Rafferty said.

Rafferty kept approaching. Rafferty said, "I won't walk away from the barrel of that gun. This close, Jeremiah, it's called murder."

Jeremiah blew apart the hibiscus tree.

Rafferty flinched and reconsidered.

"And I shall make a footstool from my enemy’s head."

Audrey Quint, a hippie earth mother wearing a peasant blouse and a long calico skirt, approached. She was easily twenty years younger than her husband. On her hip, she had a drooling two year old in diapers.

Audrey was friendly, almost sisterly. "Aloha! I'm Audrey Quint."

"Aloha! I'm Terry Rafferty."

Audrey Quint said, "I'm glad you came."

"Audrey!" Jeremiah threatened. He tried a more reasoned approach. "There are seven things the Lord hates, and he who sows discord with his brother is one of those abominations."

"Is that Proverbs?" Rafferty said.

"Jeremiah, he's here to help."

Jeremiah Quint said, "He doesn't need him."

In answer, Audrey handed Jeremiah the baby, and suddenly he found his arms too full to carry both a baby and a shotgun. His wife took the shotgun and set it inside the pickup truck.

Rafferty said, "Can I hear it from his own lips?"

Jeremiah was reluctant. "Well, from now on, you park on the reflectors and toot your horn until I come and get you, understand?"

Audrey could be patronizing. "You tell him, honey."

Both hands full, Jeremiah Quint started walking back towards the house. Over his shoulder, he told his wife, "We can't take any chances, because you never know who it could be."

Rafferty was puzzled by Jeremiah's words.

Audrey Quint called to her husband, "Only nobody ever comes to see us, either." She turned and told Rafferty, "C'mon, I'll take you out to see Jimmy. He's out by Wild Banana Gulch."

Audrey and Rafferty walked across the yard towards Audrey's new International Scout parked under the trees. The windows were tinted.

Rafferty said, "Thank you. I appreciate this."

Audrey brushed that aside. "I'll do anything to get out of the house."

"How long have you been married?"

"How long is eternity?"

"Let me buy you both—and Jimmy—dinner tonight."

"What kind of a meal are we talking about?"

"Your choice. I’m on expense account."

"It's a deal!" Audrey said.

A retarded ten year old boy in pastel surfer shorts, white socks and no shoes, who walked delicately as a flower across the yard, came and stared at Rafferty. The boy had a dirty face and stringy long hair.

Audrey Quint said, "That's my son. Summertime. He likes being called Summertime. He's very special."

The boy stood on the running board of the truck and pressed his lips against the window. Audrey rolled down the window to speak to him.

Audrey Quint told her son, "Mommy will be back soon. You take care of daddy for me, okay, baby?"

The boy looked dubious.

"You'll be okay," Audrey promised.

They waved goodbye and drove off. Audrey rolled up the window and turned on the air conditioning. Summertime had left his lip print on the truck window.

Mad Dog Rahler and his son Lester stood face-to face on a ridge above sugar cane fields. Lester held a buck knife in one hand and was teaching his father how to play FLINCH! Mad Dog was a shirtless man in his early forties who needed a shave, a haircut and a bath. Lester was almost twenty, sunburned, and had crazy eyes.

Lester was flexing the knife. "The idea, dad, is to get the other guy to flinch before you do."

Lester leaned forward and flung the knife into the grass between his father's feet. The knife sunk midway between Mad Dog's shoes.

Mad Dog said, "Now what?"

Lester Rahler said, "Put your foot over the hole."