He wondered how much Dr. Wilder knew about him, if he should mention anything, or if he looked idiotic in his hospital gown. God, how he hated the examination gowns.

Dr. Wilder had to remind herself of the rules, spelled out in black and white. That the diagnosis for Henri was more or less set in stone and he wasn’t the type to talk about it. Never, in all her career, had she seen such special treatment laid out for a patient. Most patients wanted to find a way to thrive. It seemed everyone was allowing Henri to give up.

She began washing her hands. “How are you feeling?”

Henri watched her every move. “Great.”

She smiled attentively as she listened to his heart, held the same expression as she checked his blood pressure even.

“The medication you were given, how is that working for you, Henri?”

Henri pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting as if he was in pain. He hadn’t taken any medication in several months. He didn’t have a reason other than maybe depression. Which some would probably have told him was stupid. The medication was prescribed to help him fight depression. He wasn’t willing to numb his feelings. That didn’t change anything.

***

Maven climbed the steps of Henri’s house. She rapped on the door, but before any of his family members could get to it, there was Henri. After spending hours at the doctor’s office doing his best to make it through another appointment, he was glad to see her.

“I brought lunch.” She lifted the picnic basket, Henri took it, heading down to the pond with Maven so they could eat lunch and hang out for the day.

He thought she looked beautiful. She was wearing a yellow sundress. Her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail that made her cheekbones even more prominent. As she took a seat in the grass she shook her bangs from her eyes and they fell perfectly against the side of her face.

He was happy to see her.

“What did you bring us?” He peeked into the wicker picnic basket, the kind he saw in the movies.

“Sandwiches. I’m not the best cook.” She grabbed one out. “And fruit salad.”

Henri accepted the brown sack that contained one turkey sandwich just for him.

“Cheese and mayo.” She told him, watching him examine her handiwork.

“This is fine.” He took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. Finally, she started on her own sandwich.

Henri crumpled his napkin, lying back in the grass. Something was weighing heavy on his mind. He looked over at Maven. She took a bite of watermelon, staring right back at him. After a few seconds she raised a puzzled eyebrow when he didn’t say anything.

“What?”

Henri sat up. He took her hand, urging her to move closer to him. He wrapped his arm around her, closing his eyes as the warm air fluttered past them. He rested his chin on the top of her head, glad he didn’t have to look her in the eye in a moment like the one they were in.

“So your parents are doctors.” He started with. Maven’s head shook, her hair rubbed against his chin. Her fingers squeezed his arm.

“Yeah, my entire life.”

Henri swallowed. “Your mother fills in for Dr. Moore sometimes. You look a lot like her.”

This was her moment to put some of the mystery together. He wasn’t great at explaining why he was the way he was.

Maven pulled away, she studied Henri’s expression.

“Yeah, she does.” She gave him a strange look. “Your aunt works at the office right?”

She could tell by his silence that wasn’t what he meant by it. She bit her lip, afraid to say anything more. It was obvious he was trying to tell her something.

She didn’t know what to say. So she kissed him, her hands leaving the grass and meeting up with the back of his neck. Her fingers worked their way through his hair. Henri pulled away, planting a kiss on her cheek.

“That’s not the reason you mentioned my mother is it?” she asked, feeling stupid. She took his hand. “You can tell me anything.”

Henri nodded. “This isn’t me. I’m never open with people I hardly know.” He touched her face, drawing her chin up to meet her eyes. “So you have to understand this is hard for me.”

“You can tell me anything. I promise I would never tell anyone else.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about hurting you.” Henri sighed. It was a lot tougher than he expected. He wondered why he couldn’t just spit it out. He had done this before. He ran a hand across her cheek. He knew he was starting to like her. And now he was worried he was going to hurt her.

This time Maven pulled Henri by the chin. “Come on, Henri. I’m sure once you say whatever it is you need to say you will feel better.” But he only shook his head in disagreement. He slid his hands through his hair, pulling at it in angst. He groaned, anxious with everything that was happening—the beautiful weather, the sun, the beautiful girl sitting in front of him. All of it annoyed him because it wasn’t his. It was only momentary in his eyes.

It was perfectly hopeless.

“I can’t do this.” He dropped his head between his knees breathless, anxiety coursing through him like tiny little rockets. He tensed up when she placed her hand on his back. Maven refused to pull away. She rubbed his back trying to rid him of some of the stress.

“You don’t have to. We can just sit here.” She pulled him close, securing his body with her arms, nearly squeezing the life out of him. “Look at the sun, the water. It’s all beautiful. Let’s just enjoy it.” She tugged on his arm, trying to get him to at least raise his head to witness the beauty she was referring to.

“I’m dying.” He spit it out finally.

Dying. The nastiest utterance in the English language escaped his lips and slammed into her conscious. Maven’s heart stopped. Her skin tingling and tears stung her eyes. She carefully wiped at them.

“How could that be?” She rested her head against him, confused, trying to appear strong even though she felt weak. Something so wonderful was crumbling before her very eyes—something that made her happy.

“I have asked the same question over and over.” He finally lifted his head. “I never knew there was anything wrong with me until I started playing baseball. Then one night during a big game I didn’t feel right. And before I knew it I passed out. When I woke up I was surrounded by paramedics and they were rushing me to the hospital.”

Maven listened.

“My whole life I thought I was fine. And then I do something I love and find out just like that, that I’m not okay and I’m not a normal healthy guy.”

“What was wrong with you?”

“They told me I had a heart condition, and that was the reason I collapsed on the field that day. And I was okay with that. My parents knew enough to know I could be put on a donor list. But then, nothing is ever that simple and by my next appointment they were tossing all these foreign words at us. My name was no longer Henri Levitt, I was just some statistic, this kid that missed school and was pumped full of drugs and told not to do anything anymore.”

Maven touched his arm. He pulled away like always when anyone wanted to comfort him.

“So what do you do?”

“I wait. I wait for the next step in my life to happen.” Death, he was waiting for death. He wasn’t about to tell her that though.

“So you’re on a donor’s list?” Maven was the daughter of two doctors. She knew there was a lot of hope for people like Henri. People received hearts all the time.

“No. I refused to go on that list because doctors said the probability of improvement was too bleak. If it was just my heart I could come back from a surgery like that. But I’m not lucky enough to just need a heart. My parents gave me a horrible set of genes that makes it pretty much impossible.”

“But you could try.”  She believed in hope. She was a girl with more hope than anyone.