“I’m still that. Although I object to the term baby.”

“Fine, younger sister.” There’s a smile in his voice before his tone goes serious. “I asked him, you know. If he objected to me making a play for you.”

“What?” I practically shriek.

“He’s one of my best friends, Fi. It’s man code. And you don’t mess with the code.”

“And what if he’d said no?” The idea of Gray lording over my sex life does not sit well with me.

“Then I’d have laid out a perfectly logical and irrefutable argument for him to change his mind,” Dex says. “Or I’d have pounded on him until he said uncle.”

I laugh. “So much for the man code.”

“Punching out an argument is an accepted form of conflict resolution in the man code. It’s part of our bylaws.”

“And you say women are confusing.” I laugh and hurry along so I’m not late. “So what about you? What are you doing tonight?”

“Same thing. Going out with my QB.”

“Finn Mannus?” I give a little sigh. “He’s dreamy.”

Okay, I’m still a little irked by Dex’s archaic “man code” thing with Gray, and payback is a bitch.

Predictably, Dex makes a noise of disdain. “Thought you didn’t follow football.”

“There’s a difference between following the sport and following a hot player,” I tease.

“Never thought I’d be the jealous type,” he drawls. “But I guess I am because I have the sudden urge to punch the little shit in the face right about now.”

“Don’t do that! You’ll ruin the pretty!”

“Fi.” Dex sounds ominous. And pained.

Laughing, I put him out of his misery. “Baby, you know I only have eyes for one guy. And he is way sexier than some skinny quarterback.”

“Yeah?” He’s practically purring now.

All my pleasure points stir. “Yeah.”

I hear him sigh, and his voice lowers. “I want to look at that pic you sent me. I want that so badly my dick hurts. But I know if I do, it’ll hurt more. I can’t beat off to thoughts of you anymore, Fi.”

My breath hitches. “Why?”

“I’ve had the real thing. Imagination no longer cuts it.”

“Have you… You used to think of me when you touched yourself?”

I swear I hear him swallow down a groan. “You know I did.”

“We could…” I sidestep a woman running toward the subway. “We could talk through it.”

Another groan from Dex. “No,” he says. “It’ll kill me, Cherry. Not being able to touch you.”

“I can touch myself. Pretend it’s you.” I don’t know why I’m pushing this. I’m in the middle of Manhattan and can’t do a thing. But teasing Dex is fast becoming one of my favorite things. Only because I know he likes it. Even more, he needs it. Dex is too closed off. Which wouldn’t really matter, but I’ve seen that spark of life in him that’s aching to come out and play.

I can hear it now when he gives me a dark chuckle. “Babe, the thought of you touching yourself is even worse. That’s something I need to see, not hear.”

“We could Skype.”

“Fi.”

“Ethan.”

The smile in his voice remains, but he sounds tight. “I don’t have smooth words. I’d fuck it up by saying the wrong thing. You don’t need to hear how today I thought of backing you into a quiet corner of my locker room so I could shove my hand up your skirt and fuck you with my fingers, knowing my guys walked around a few feet away. I’d tell you to be nice and quiet while I did it, not make a sound, even though you were dying to.

“Of how I’d pinch one of your perky little pink nipples with my other hand. Nice and firm the way you like it.”

I’ve slowed to a complete stop, my skin on fire, my breath short and rasping, as the world passes me by. Jesus. My nipple throbs as if he were here now, tweaking it with a rough touch; my sex aches, the ghost of Dex’s thick, long fingers pumping into it.

I clear my throat. “I think you got the talking down pat, Big Guy.”

He pauses and takes an audible breath. “I never got to taste you, Fi. I regret that. I have no idea what a pussy tastes like, and all I can think about is yours. God, I want to spread you wide and take my time, savor every inch, see if your flavor changes when you come.”

“Ethan,” my voice cracks.

“See? It’s too much, isn’t it?”

Somehow I manage to laugh. “Any more and I’m going to spontaneously combust right here on Fifth Avenue.”

“Yeah?” He sounds surprised. Poor, deluded, sexy center.

“I think you’re right,” I say, forcing myself to walk again. “No more sex talk. It’s killing me too.”

A sad sort of half-chuckle rumbles through my phone. “I know. So…” His voice strains as if he’s reaching for lightness. “Tell me something else to take my mind out from under your skirt. How’s work?”

Yeah, right there is an immediate buzz kill.

Fuck, my throat hurts again. I want to tell him everything, right down to the bone-deep agony I feel in failing once again. But I don’t want him to see that side of me. Flighty Fi who can’t keep her shit together. I can’t stand the thought of being diminished in his eyes.

“It’s fine.”

He’s silent for a moment, and for the first time, I’m grateful for the physical distance between us. He can’t see my face.

“I thought you had to leave because of a work issue,” he says carefully.

Great. Either I’m lying about work or I lied about why I left him. Silently cursing, I grind my teeth and search for an answer. “It’s all settled. Not as big a deal as I’d thought.”

“Well,” he says. “That’s good.”

He doesn’t sound like he buys my story. God, I’m fucking up already, building this house-of-cards relationship on a shifty set of lies. But I can’t tell him. I can’t. I’ll start crying here and now.

“I’m at the bar,” I tell him with false levity. “Call you later?”

“Always, Cherry,” he says softly. I hear him take a breath. “Fi?”

My heart pounds as I grip the phone like a life line. “Yeah?”

“Just know I’m with you. Even when I’m far away, I’m with you.”

It’s all I can do not to sob. I stand on the corner of 5th and 25th, the world flowing by me like rippling water, and feel such loneliness I have to hug myself around my middle. “Thank you, Ethan.”

I hang up then, because I can’t say anything more without breaking my heart wide open.

Chapter Twenty

Fiona

Anna and I end up not drinking but buying sandwiches at Eataly and claiming a table in the Flatiron Plaza, the little pedestrian triangle of concrete between Broadway and 5th. The weather is gorgeous in the way of New York in the fall—crisp breezes cutting through sun-warmed air.

I don’t talk about my job issues. I’d rather enjoy the evening than ruin my appetite.

“So, Dex?” Anna grins before taking a sip of her latte.

I don’t know if she found out from Ivy, or if Gray blabbed to Drew—though my money is on Gray. Regardless, I can’t help but grin back. “Yeah. Dex.”

I hold in a dreamy sigh, because that would be overkill. But Anna’s too quick. My satisfaction doesn’t escape her notice.

“That good, eh?” Her cheeks plump, and the breeze sends her red curls spiraling around her head.

“Let’s just say fauxgasms are unnecessary.”

“Fauxgasms?” Anna asks with a laugh.

“Fake orgasms.” I give her a look. “God, please don’t tell me you’ve never had to fake it. I think I’ll die of envy.”

My sex life hasn’t been horrible or anything, but college boys, by and large, are pretty much pump and dump, lather, rinse, repeat.

Dex had been a virgin, and yet he’d put his entire body and soul into the act. I’d felt cherished and my body worshiped. Never mind that Dex is so freaking sexy, all he has to do is look at me and I’m a hot mess.

Anna swallows a bite before shaking her head. “Of course I’ve faked it. Never with Drew, though.”

I roll my eyes at that but laugh. “I hope not since you’re marrying the guy.”