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To Mom, with love

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From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:18 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: (no subject)

Hey, we’re running pretty behind here. Any chance you could walk Wilbur for me tonight?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:24 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

I think you have the wrong e-mail address. But since I’m a dog owner too, and I don’t want poor Wilbur to be stranded, I thought I’d write back and let you know…

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:33 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Ah, sorry about that. New phone, so I’m typing in the address. Looks like I forgot a number. Wilbur and I both thank you. (And by the way, he’s actually a pig.)

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:34 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

A pig! What kind of pig goes for walks?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:36 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

The very sophisticated kind. He even has his own leash…

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:42 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Some pig!

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:45 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Oh, yeah. He’s terrific! Radiant! Humble!

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:47 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Wow, a pig owner and a fan of Charlotte’s Web. You must be either a farmer or a librarian.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:01 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

I dabble in both.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:03 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Seriously?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:04 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

No. Not seriously. What about you?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:05 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

I’m neither a farmer nor a librarian.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:11 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Let me guess then. You’re an underemployed dogwalker who’s been sitting by the computer in the hope that someone might ask you to walk something more exciting than a poodle?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:12 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Bingo. Guess this is my lucky day…

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:13 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Really, though. What’s your deal?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:14 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

… asks the random stranger from the Internet.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:15 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

… says the girl who’s still writing back.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:17 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

How do you know I’m a girl?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:18 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Easy. You quoted Charlotte’s Web.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:19 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

So did you!

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:24 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Yeah, but my parents are teachers.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:26 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

So does that mean you’re not a girl?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:27 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Nope. Not a girl.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:31 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Does that mean you’re a creepy old Internet predator using your pet pig as an excuse to stalk 16-year-old girls?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:33 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Busted.

No, I’m only seventeen, which I think lands me pretty solidly outside of creepy-old-man territory.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:38 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Fair enough. Though, unfortunately, I’m still not available to walk Wilbur tonight. And even if I was, you’d probably have to find someone a little bit closer, since I doubt you live anywhere near me.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:39 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

How do you know?

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:40 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

I’m from Middle-of-Nowhere, Maine.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:42 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Oh, then I guess you’re right. I’m from Middle-of-Everything, California.