Knox growled something in response to my body’s tightening and slowed his pace, his expression twisted in pleasure or agony, I couldn’t be sure. “Fuck, angel. You’re so perfect.” His tight grasp on my hips loosened, as though he realized he was probably bruising my skin. I didn’t care. A deep, all-consuming orgasm like that would be worth whatever bruises and soreness I had tomorrow.
Once my inner walls had finished trembling, Knox withdrew amid my protests and lifted me off of him, laying me on the bed next to him while he positioned himself above me. Keeping my legs together and my knees bent and pushed up to my chest, he held my calves in one of his hands and used his other to guide himself back inside me.
My back arched involuntarily off the bed and my hands scrambled for him, gripping his thighs as he rocked forward again and again, pummeling me with long, purposeful strokes. I clung to him desperately while he worked himself inside me, pumping his hips and keeping my legs in place.
He bit out a string of curse words and I felt the moment he gave in, his body jerking and his cock swelling inside me, filling the condom he wore.
Knox released his hold on my legs and pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. He got up just long enough to remove the condom and grab me a handful of tissues, wiping between my legs carefully before returning to the bathroom to dispose of it all. I made a mental note to take the trash out before Brian got back. I didn’t need him seeing the evidence that my virginity was indeed gone and make some comment about it.
Knox crawled into bed beside me, pulling the quilt that was folded at the foot of my bed up and over us.
“You’re trembling,” he whispered, brushing the hair back from my face.
I nodded. “That was intense.”
He smiled and pulled me closer, tucking me against his side and draping a heavy arm over me. “This feels so good, holding you like this.”
Panting to catch my breath, I curled onto my side and let him hold me. His big, warm palms smoothed up and down my body, lightly stroking me and soothing me until all my muscles were relaxed and I felt sleepy.
As I dozed off into a light sleep, feeling complete and happy, I made mental notes of all the things I needed to do. Check on Brian. Check on Amanda and her baby. And find a way to become an anonymous donor for a college scholarship and be sure that Luke was the recipient. But for now, I just relaxed and let Knox hold me snugly in his arms.
The way he’d been himself—so uninhibited and fierce, taking me over the edge with each punishing stroke—was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. He’d claimed my mouth with deep, hungry kisses, seeking love, acceptance, and belonging. He might not have said the actual words yet, but it was only a matter of time. I felt his love in each kiss and whispered compliment.
He kissed me once more on the forehead and then rose from the bed. “I need to get home to check on the guys.”
I nodded and got up, pulling on the pink bathrobe hanging on the back of my door.
Knox stepped into his jeans and tugged his shirt on over his head. Once he was dressed, he pulled me into his arms, lifting my mouth to his and looking deep into my eyes. I didn’t know what he was trying to tell me, but I felt his love and concern all the same.
But he had told me he’d loved me, hadn’t he? Not in words, but with his body. The tender way he’d made love to me for my first time, his protectiveness over me, the way he read my body and gave me exactly what it needed. It was closer to love than anything I’d had before.
“Thank you for the date tonight,” I whispered against his lips. I’d felt so cherished and thoroughly cared for that I wanted to tell him I loved him, too, but I didn’t. I just pressed my mouth to his and felt his lips curl in a smile.
“Thank you for everything. For staying with the boys last night. For giving me time. For being you. I don’t even want to think what my life would be like without you.”
I knew just what he meant. We were good for each other, plain and simple. Knox pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me believe I was worth something. And I forced him to deal with the pain in his past and examine the damaging coping mechanisms he employed. My life felt fuller and more meaningful than it had in years.
“I’ll come by tomorrow night after work,” I murmured.
He nodded. “See you then.”
After walking him out and locking up, I fell into bed, my body heavy and relaxed, and let sleep pull me under.
Chapter Five
McKenna
The following morning I was up early, feeling eager to jump into my new life. Of course I had my job at the counseling center and my obligations volunteering, but I was also firm on keeping some of the resolutions I’d made myself and Knox. Beginning with putting myself first. I made an appointment at my gynecologist’s office for later that morning and then drove to a local salon, one of the benefits of still having the rental car. I knew I needed to return it and think about my long-term plans for transportation, but something about having a car in the city felt so decadent after surviving for so long without one.
After getting my hair cut, colored with caramel highlights, and styled into flowing waves, I couldn’t stop touching it and stealing glances at myself in the rearview mirror as I drove. My hair felt so much softer with all the spilt ends cut off. It had taken nearly three hours at the salon, and while that normally would have made me feel guilty and like it was a waste of time and money, today it felt like therapy—something I was supposed to do to take care of myself. I decided my mom would be thrilled seeing me happy like this. All these years I’d told myself I should keep up my punishing schedule for them, to make sure their deaths were not for nothing. But today, for the first time, I realized both of my parents would have hated the girl I’d become. They would have hated seeing me spent and exhausted, the dark circles under my eyes. I never knew indulging myself could feel so good.
When I arrived at the doctor’s office, I fought off the wave of nerves I experienced walking into the waiting room. I was a twenty-one-year-old woman who needed birth control. This might have been new and scary for me, but I reminded myself that the doctor had probably seen and heard it all before.
After filling out a stack of forms, a nurse called my name and brought me back to an exam room, where she took my weight and blood pressure, and then asked me to strip completely and dress in a paper robe and wait for the doctor.
I did as instructed, folding my bra and panties and hiding them under my folded jeans, then climbed up onto the exam table, arranging the stiff robe around me.
The doctor knocked once and entered. She was tall and gorgeous with honey-colored skin and long, dark hair. She could have been Beyoncé’s sister, and I felt self-conscious sitting there in my paper outfit. But she immediately put me at ease, explaining that she’d conduct a vaginal exam and Pap smear, and then we’d talk about birth control options.
I leaned back on the table and placed my feet in the stirrups where she directed.
After several seconds and a little pinch, she stood up and removed her gloves. “You look very healthy.”
I didn’t know what a doctor might say while looking at my lady parts, but I supposed healthy was the best thing.
“What kind of protection are you using today?” she asked.
“Condoms.”
“Are you in a monogamous relationship?”
“Yes.” I nodded. I felt confident for the first time since Knox and I had begun seeing each other that this statement was true. I didn’t know if it was possible to be completely cured from sex addiction, or if he still had occasional dark thoughts or struggles, but I felt certain I was the only woman in his bed and in his arms these days.