JENNY Who was kneeling on your head?

BILL Todger was. E was prayin for me: prayin comfortable with me as a carpet. So was Mog. So was the ole bloomin meetin. Mog she sez “O Lord break is stubborn spirit; but dont urt is dear art.”That was wot she said. “Dont urt is dear art”! An er bloke — thirteen stun four! — kneelin wiv all is weight on me. Funny, aint it?

JENNY Oh no. We’re so sorry, Mr. Walker.

BARBARA [enjoying it franhly] Nonsense! of course it’s funny. Served you right, Bill! You must have done something to him first.

BILL [doggedly] I did wot I said I’d do. I spit in is eye. E looks up at the sky and sez, “O that I should be fahnd worthy to be spit upon for the gospel’s sake!” e sez; an Mog sez “Glory Allel loolier!”; and then e called me Brother, an dahned me as if I was a kid and e was me mother washin me a Setterda nawt. I andt just no show wiv im at all.[61] Arf the street prayed; an the tother arf larfed fit to split theirselves. [To BARBARA.] There! are you settisfawd nah?

BARBARA [her eyes dancing] Wish I’d been there, Bill.

BILL Yes: youd a got in a hextra bit o talk on me, wouldnt you?

JENNY I’m so sorry, Mr. Walker.

BILL [fiercely] Dont you go bein sorry for me: you’ve no call. Listen ere. I broke your jawr.

JENNY No, it didnt hurt me: indeed it didnt, except for a moment. It was only that I was frightened.

BILL I dont want to be forgive be you, or be ennybody. Wot I did I’ll pay for. I tried to get me own jawr broke to settisfaw you —

JENNY [distressed] Oh no —

BILL [impatiently] Tell y‘I did: cawnt you listen to wots bein told you? All I got be it was bein made a sight of in the public street for me pains. Well, if I cawnt settisfaw you one way, I can another. Listen ere! I ad two quid saved agen the frost; an I’ve a pahnd of it left. A mate o mine last week ad words with the judy e’s goin to marry. E give er wot-for; an e’s bin fined fifteen bob. E ad a right to it er because they was goin to be mar-rid ; but I adnt no right to it you; so put anather fawv bob on an call it a pahnd’s worth. [He produces a sovereign.] Eres the money. Take it; and lets av no more o your forgivin an prayin and your Major jawrin me. Let wot I done be done and paid for; and let there be a end of it.

JENNY Oh, I couldnt take it, Mr. Walker. But if you would give a shilling or two to poor Rummy Mitchens! you really did hurt her; and shes old.

BILL [contemptuously] Not likely. I’d give her anather as soon as look at er. Let her av the lawr o me as she threatened! She aint forgiven me: not mach. Wot I done to er is not on me mawnd — wot she [indicating BARBARA] might call on me conscience — no more than stickin a pig. It’s this Christian game o yours that I wont av played agen me: this bloomin forgivin an naggin an jawrin that makes a man that sore that iz lawf’s a burdn to im. I wont av it, I tell you; so take your money and stop throwin your silly bashed face hup agen me.

JENNY Major: may I take a little of it for the Army?

BARBARA No: the Army is not to be bought. We want your soul, Bill; and we’ll take nothing less.

BILL [bitterly] I know. It aint enough. Me an me few shillins is not good enough for you. Youre a earl’s grendorter, you are. Nothin less than a underd pahnd for you.

UNDERSHAFT Come, Barbara! you could do a great deal of good with a hundred pounds. If you will set this gentleman’s mind at ease by taking his pound, I will give the other ninety-nine. [Bill, astounded by such opulence, instinctively touches his cap.]

BARBARA Oh, youre too extravagant, papa. Bill offers twenty pieces of silver. All you need offer is the other ten. That will make the standard price to buy anybody who’s for sale. I’m not; and the Army’s not.^{25} [To BILL. ] Youll never have another quiet moment, Bill, until you come round to us. You cant stand out against your salvation.

BILL [sullenly] I cawnt stend aht agen music-all wrastlers and artful tongued women. I’ve offered to pay. I can do no more. Take it or leave it. There it is. [He throws the sovereign on the drum, and sits down on the horse-trough. The coin fascinates SNOBBY PRICE, who takes an early opportunity of dropping his cap on it.] MRS. BAINES comes from the shelter. She is dressed as a Salvation Army Commissioner. She is an earnest looking woman of about 40, with a caressing, urgent voice, and an appealing manner.

BARBARA This is my father, Mrs. Baines. [UNDERSHAFT comes from the table, taking his hat off with marked civility.] Try what you can do with him. He wont listen to me, because he remembers what a fool I was when I was a baby. [She leaves them together and chats with JENNY. ]

MRS. BAINES Have you been shewn over the shelter, Mr. Undershaft ?You know the work we’re doing, of course.

UNDERSHAFT [very civilly] The whole nation knows it, Mrs. Baines.

MRS. BAINES No, sir: the whole nation does not know it, or we should not be crippled as we are for want of money to carry our work through the length and breadth of the land. Let me tell you that there would have been rioting this winter in London but for us.

UNDERSHAFT You really think so?

MRS. BAINES I know it. I remember 1886, when you rich gentlemen hardened your hearts against the cry of the poor. They broke the windows of your clubs in Pall Mall.

UNDER SHAFT [gleaming with approval of their method] And the Mansion House Fund[62] went up next day from thirty thousand pounds to seventy-nine thousand! I remember quite well.

MRS. BAINES Well, wont you help me to get at the people? They wont break windows then. Come here, Price. Let me shew you to this gentleman. [PRICE comes to be inspected.] Do you remember the window breaking?

PRICE My ole father thought it was the revolution, maam .

MRS. BAINES Would you break windows now?

PRICE Oh no maam. The windows of eaven av bin opened to me. I know now that the rich man is a sinner like myself.

RUMMY [appearing above at the loft door] Snobby Price!

SNOBBY Wot is it?

RUMMY Your mother’s askin for you at the other gate in Crippses Lane. She’s heard about your confession [PRICE turns pale] .

MRS. BAINES Go, Mr. Price; and pray with her.

JENNY You can go through the shelter, Snobby.

PRICE [to MRS. BAINES] I couldnt face her now, maam, with all the weight of my sins fresh on me. Tell her she’ll find her son at ome, waitin for her in prayer. [He skulks off through the gate, incidentally stealing the sovereign on his way out by picking up his cap from the drum.] ^{26}

MRS. BAINES [with swimming eyes] You see how we take the anger and the bitterness against you out of their hearts, Mr. Under shaft.

UNDERSHAFT It is certainly most convenient and gratifying to all large employers of labor, Mrs. Baines.

MRS. BAINES Barbara: Jenny: I have good news: most wonderful news. [JENNY runs to her.] My prayers have been answered. I told you they would, Jenny, didn’t I?

JENNY Yes, yes.

BARBARA [moving nearer to the drum] Have we got money enough to keep the shelter open?

MRS. BAINES I hope we shall have enough to keep all the shelters open. Lord Saxmundham has promised us five thousand pounds —

BARBARA Hooray!

JENNY Glory!

MRS. BAINES — if —

BARBARA “If!” If what?

MRS. BAINES — if five other gentlemen will give a thousand each to make it up to ten thousand.

BARBARA Who is Lord Saxmundham? I never heard of him.