guess.”

“Sorry. That sucks.” This chat is quickly moving into awkward territory.

She doesn’t seem to feel the weirdness because she keeps going. “Here’s a tip for when you get a

girlfriend: don’t dump her two days after taking her flower. Don’t take it in the first place.”

I’m quiet. Too quiet, apparently. Annie sits up suddenly and I have to fight to maintain focus on my

Cheshire stone.

“Cooper?”

I pick myself up. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

She doesn’t take the bait. “Cooper—”

“Dinner’s ready, right?”

She lifts a hand and I pull her up. She tightens her grip when I’m about to let go. “You know you

can tell me anything, right? I’m here if you need advice or someone to talk to.”

I force a grin. “Look at that. You’re changing already.” With an arm around her, I walk us back to

the campsite.

* * *

After Dad’s lame attempt at spooking us with ghost stories, we retire to our tents. At Dad’s request,

we pitched them with enough distance to quarantine Lila’s snoring. This is a joke between them but out

here in the bush it’s taken seriously. I think Dad better watch his back.

In our corner of the campsite, Jace unzips our tent and holds the flap open for me. I bend over and

drop to my knees inside the stuffy tent. Our sleeping bags are already unrolled so I set the torch to lamp

mode and place it at the end of the tent, between our two sleeping mats.

Jace hooks his fingers under the hem of his T-shirt and peels it off. His chest is lightly tanned and

tapers gently to his hips. He pulls at the few hairs he sports and grins at me. I jerk my attention to my

bag and pull out a sleeping shirt. I’ll wear the boxers that I changed into earlier.

“You got any noteworthy hair yet?” he asks.

Other than my crotch, I’m smooth. “Nah,” I say and duck out of my shirt.

“It’ll get there. Your voice has broken already.”

“Is talking about puberty a fun conversation for you?”

He laughs and I shove on my sleeping shirt.

“We’re friends, remember,” he says. “We can talk about any shit we like.” My back’s to him but I

know he’s waggling his eyebrows. “The more uncomfortable, the better.”

I have a feeling I’ll need my stone tonight, so I take it out and climb into my sleeping bag.

Wriggling onto my side, I slide my hand with the stone under the pillow. Jace is yanking at the

zipper on his sleeping bag. Finally it gives and he draws it up halfway and lays on his side, facing me in

his threadbare blue T-shirt.

“You start then,” I say. “With the uncomfortable shit. What about past or present girlfriends?” I

hold my breath as soon as I’ve asked. Why do I care?

I don’t.

Well, in a friend way I do.

“What makes you think I’ve had any?”

“Have you looked in the mirror lately?” I ask.

He blinks and it’s hard to tell in the crappy lamplight but he might be blushing. I enjoy this thought

until I realize the implication of my question.

“I mean—”

He chuckles. “Thanks, Cooper. You’re going to knock the girls off their feet too, soon as you have a

few hairs on that chest.”

I rub the stone.

Jace rolls onto his back. Leaves from a low-hanging branch make the shadows on the tent’s ceiling

dance. The river babbles in the distance. “I met this one girl at Darren’s last party—”

“What party?” I ask.

“Last weekend when you were at your mum’s. Anyway, she likes me. She’s a tall blonde with green

eyes like—” I still. Like what? “Granny Smith apples,” he says finally.

“That’s—” Lovely? Great? Wonderful? Why don’t they run off and make some precious greeneyed

babies already! “—that’s precise.”

He hums. “Yeah.”

“What’s her name?” I wonder if I sound too bitter.

“Susan.”

“She’s in your grade?”

He nods. “Not in my classes, though. Probably why I haven’t noticed her.”

“Is she as well-endowed as the pics in your magazines?” I definitely sound too bitter.

Jace faces me. “Why are you still upset about those magazines? Everyone jacks off to porn.”

“I don’t.”

Jace frowns for a moment then nods. “I told you you’re welcome to—”

“I don’t want your crusty magazines.”

He laughs. “I guess that is a bit gross. I can get you something fresh if you want. A few good online

sites maybe?”

I want to knock my head against something hard. “No, it’s . . .” You really going to spill those beans

here? While you’re alone in a tent you have to share? “Nothing. I’m good with the shower. Easy to

clean.”

“You’re missing out. I have this lube—”

“Lube?” This comes out a yell and I slap a hand to cover my mouth.

Jace snorts. “You’re fun. I can teach you so much. When you’re fucking your fist with this lube, it

feels so slick it has to be close to the real thing.”

“Let’s stop this conversation.”

“You getting hard thinking about it? Me too.”

I look down at the gentle rise of his sleeping bag—

“What about you?” he asks, tucking his hands behind his head. “Any girlfriends? Crushes?”

Saying no would feel like I’m admitting something so I nod instead. “Sure. Plenty.” That should be

enough to take the heat off.

And it does.

But I don’t feel relieved. I feel like the biggest chickenshit ever.

* * *

When Jace finally drifts off, I crawl out of my sleeping bag, grab the light, and tiptoe to Annie’s

tent. I tug her foot and whisper until she stirs.

She gives a small jerk when she sees me, but quickly pulls it together.

We sneak to the edge of the river where cold stones sink under our feet. Moonlight reflects on the

water, and the bush looks like it’s painted navy-blue.

Annie shivers. I wish I’d brought us a blanket—

“Wait a sec,” I rush back to the campsite, sneak back into my tent and slide out the sleeping bag.

“Here,” I say to Annie, unzipping the bag. “We can huddle in this.”

Our feet are still cold but our shoulders are covered comfortably.

“It feels different out here at night.”

“Still. Quiet. Like a suspended breath.”

“Nice.”

She nudges her foot against mine. “Why are we out here, Cooper?”

“Have you ever felt so full of thoughts you think you could burst?”

She leans between her feet and picks up a stone. “When Mum first told me Dad was leaving us. All

the anger, the questions, and that damn feeling of inferiority pounded in my head. I thought all you’d

have to do was pull out a needle and prick, and I’d deflate until nothing was left. Sometimes I wished it

too, so that I didn’t have to feel sad anymore.”

I wriggle my toes against the arch of her foot. “I feel like that right now,” I say. “Angry, loads of

questions, inferior. But also . . . butterflies. I’m totally excited but I hate that I’m excited. Hatred might

be the biggest part of what I feel—”

“Cooper! Please, the suspense is killing me. Just—”

“I’m gay.” I wait a second to let it sink in. “That’s why there won’t be any future girlfriends.” Why

I don’t care for Jace’s porn collection. Why I can’t tell him all the uncomfortable shit.

Annie chuckles and says quietly, “That is exciting, Coop. You should let yourself be excited. Life

has plenty of other problems to worry about, so don’t let that be one of them.”

This great advice is coming from my sister?

I hold my tongue and look to the tents in the distance. “How do you think Mum and Dad and

everyone will take it?”

“I can’t say for everyone but Mum and Dad will be fine. No need to angst over telling them. I know

they won’t care.” She shrugs. “Might be a bit trickier at school though.”

“Yeah, I don’t plan on coming out at school. Just Mum and Dad. The rest can wait until university.