Jane

January 20,1990

Dear Diary,

This is my first diary. I know this is the sort of thing young girls keep but until today there was nothing special to write about. I was raised strictly and God fearing. My Father believed women were irresponsible so he always chose my Mothers and my clothes which were very conservative. Actually he made all the decisions including educating me at home. My mother and I always tried to be good and obediant because if he was displeased he would spank us with a big wooden paddle that would leave us with bruises for days as a reminder of our sin. Even though we would be fully clothed for the spanking it still hurt terribly and he would do it until we were crying and promising we would not do whatever made him mad again.

My Mother had it the worst. If he decided whatever I had done was because of improper training my Mother would be spanked as soon as he finished with me. Once when I was about twelve he caught me wading in the creek holding my skirt up to my thighs. He thought that was terribly immodest and spanked both of us very hard.

We could never disagree with the punishment since it was decreed by the Bible and our church to be modest, hardworking and obedient to our husbands and fathers.

Today I thought my whole life would change. Dad brought home one of his junior partners from his law firm. He is beautiful although a little older than me and he likes me! He asked my father if he could take me to the movies Friday. When Dad found out the movie was rated "G", he agreed. This will be my first real date. I had gone to church functions with boys when I became sixteen but we were always with my parents at the function and went home in Dad's car. This is totally different. We will be alone. I am so happy Dad thinks I am responsible enough for this.

January 23,1990

Dear Diary,

My date was tonight with Jim. He was very attentive and said I looked beautiful in my blue suit. I noticed other girls were wearing very short skirts. I said I looked out of stye with my skirt below my knee but he said he liked the fact I was modest and the other girls were improperly raised sluts. My Father is right! Nice men do not like loose girls. He came into the house with me and told my Dad I was very nice and that he wanted to take us to Sunday Brunch after church. Dad agreed!

Jan,25,1990

Dear Diary,

Brunch was wonderful. We seldom go to restaurents, Dad thinks it is a waste of money since we have food at home. Even Dad enjoyed the large variety and the fact he could eat all he wanted. Jim made me blush with all his compliments on my beauty, my grace, and my table manners. Dad made me blush a lot more when he told Jim I was essentially a willful child and it had taken a lot of spankings to make me a lady. I was even more embarressed when Jim seemed interested and asked if I was still spanked now that I was eighteen. Dad said, "Of course. Age has nothing to do with it. I spank her mother too. You have to keep women in line or they will lose all respect for you." That made Mom blush as Jim said he agreed completely. He has asked me to go to the church fund-raising dance. My folks aren't going but Dad agreed!

Jan,30,1990.

Dear Diary,

Oh God. I love Jim. He is a very smooth dancer. It was awfully hot with all the people so we took off our suit jackets to dance. I was a little embaressed at first that he held me so close dancing with only his shirt and my blouse and bra separating us but it felt nice. He embarressed me again on the way home by asking me how my Dad spanked me. I told him that he used a big wood paddle on my bottom but I stressed the fact that I was good and it seldom happened. When he asked if I expected my husband to spank me. I naturally told him I would expect it if I did not obey him. He seemed really pleased that I wanted to be good. When he walked me to the door he kissed me! It was very thrilling. He held me so tight my breasts were flattened against his chest. He has asked me to the New years party at his Country club. I hope Dad will let me go.

Jan,31,1990

Dear Diary,

The dance was fantastic. Mom let me wear her formal and Dad said I could stay out till one in the morning. Jim bought champagne. I told him I had never drunk alcohol but he said it was just wine and Jesus drank wine. I got a little giddy and at midnight when he kissed me it felt so good I let him do it some more in the car. He said he loves me and will ask my Dad for my hand in marriage! I pray Dad will agree.

Feb,1 1990

Dear Diary,

Jim came by and asked Dad for my hand. Dad thought it was very early in our relationship but when we said we loved each other he agreed. He said that he hoped Jim would not spoil me since it had taken him years to make me a lady. Jim embarresed me by saying, "Don't worry Sir. If she needs a spanking she will get it and if that does not impress her I will bring her home so you can do it." We have decided to marry on St. Valentines day.

Feb 13,1990

Dear Diary,

It has been so hectic getting ready for the wedding I have been neglecting you but tomorrow is the big day. I have a beautiful wedding dress and the prettiest girls at my church for bridesmaids. Mom suddenly realized that although I knew the difference between boys and girls I knew nothing about sex. We both got embarressed when she explained that after we hugged and kissed for awhile His penis would get hard and my vagina would get wet so it could slide inside me to make a baby. She said it would hurt a little the first time but it would not last long. I might even like it. She bought me a silk nightgown for my wedding night. I told her I would be embarressed having him see me nearly naked but she said it would be dark. I talked to one of my married bridesmaids. she said I would learn to like sex, but I doubt it. It really sounds gross. I guess it is necessary in order to have a baby and my Dad is looking forward to grandchildren.

Feb 15,1990

Dear Diary,

The wedding was really nice and we got a lot of nice presents. I was nervous about being alone with Jim and stayed at the reception until he insisted we leave. We went directly to the cabin in the woods he had inherited from his Dad. We drank some more champagne that gave me the courage to go to the bathroom to put on my nightgown. When I opened the door I saw he had the lamp by the bed turned on. I asked him to turn it off because I was embarressed but he said I was beautiful and he wanted to see me. I finally ran to the bed and pulled the covers over me.

When I was in bed he said I was being prudish. I had to remind him that I had been raised to be modest and that was one of the things he liked about me. He finally turned out the light and began to kiss and hug me. It felt good to be hugged in my silk nighty but then I slid my hand down his back and found he was naked! that made me nervous and he made it worse by pulling up my nightie and putting his hand on my crotch. Naturally I clenched my legs together and protested. He said he had to do that so I could get wet inside to let in his penis. I told him Mom said that would happen just by kissing and hugging. I guess I was too nervous. He kissed and hugged me for awhile but I didn't get excited like Mom said I would. I could feel his penis rubbing against the silk of my nightie and it frightened me. It seemed huge! He decided the kissing was not working and opened the drawer of the night table then turned on the light. He flipped the covers off himself and began to put petroleum jelly on his penis. He seemed to like doing it. Naturally I looked away but I could not get the sight out of my mind. It was almost as big as my wrist. I was sure it would not go in my tiny vagina. Suddenly he flipped off my covers and pulled my nightie up to my waist. I grabbed for it but before I could get it down he put his knees between my legs to spread them and jammed in his thing. I felt something tear inside that must have been my hymen then he pummped into me while I cried until he made a face, grunted, then rolled off me to go to sleep. I cried for a long time with my only consolation being the statement Mom said that he would only want to do it once a week or after I had been punished. He got up early to get us some groceries which gives me time to write to you. He said he realized that I had not enjoyed sex but that was my fault for being so inhibited. He said it would be better next time. I am curious about his plan to make it better next week. We planned to go skiing on our honey moon so I have my long underwear, ski pants, and a bulky sweater on. My body is perfectly hidden so maybe he will forget about wanting to see me nearly naked.