He set to work alongside me. The unruined scrolls, we loaded into one sack, taking as much care as we could, for some were very old and fragile. Those that had taken the oil I placed separately from the others. I noticed that we both avoided the Pale Woman. When I had to move her body to get at the scrolls beneath her, Prilkop backed away and looked aside. When every single scroll had been rescued, I looked at her lying there. 'Do you want me to do something with her body?' I asked him quietly.

He stared at me, as if uncomprehending- Then he slowly nodded.

So it was that I bundled her into one of the sumptuous fur spreads from her bed and dragged her down the hall behind me. He showed me a door, quite small, that I would not have noticed on my own. It opened onto a chute and the distant rush of waves. He had me push her into this. She vanished from sight, and that seemed to give Prilkop much satisfaction.

We returned to the scroll room for our trove. We walked through the halls, dragging the sacks more than carrying them. Scrolls are surprisingly heavy. I winced at every bump as we took them up the stairs, imagining how Chade would scold me for treating them like this. Well, he would not know what condition they were in when I first found them. With Ptilkop's help, I got both sacks up to the pillar room. There we paused to catch our breath. For all his years, the old man seemed as spry as a youngster. For the first time, I pondered how old the Fool might live to be. Then, the even more strange thought came to me, to wonder where he was in his life. Was he still a youngster? Did that have any meaning to him? Once he had told me that he was older than Nighteyes and I put together ... I pushed the thought aside uncomfortably. I did not want to consider how different we were, how different we had always been. Our friendship had crossed that line and made us one.

just as my bond with Nighteyes had made us one. And yet. 1 sighed as I followed the Black Man down the steps to the map room. And yet it had not made us the same. I was a man, with a man's concerns with this world, unable to live fully in the now as Nighteyes did, nor to stretch his years beyond their span.

Was that how the Fool saw me?

I made a small sound in my throat. Prilkop glanced back at me, but said nothing. When we reached the map room, he paused by the image. He rubbed his hands together as he considered it, then, with a raised eyebrow, he gestured at it.

I touched the grouped gems near Buckkeep. 'Buckkeep,' I told him. 'My home.'

He nodded sagely. Then, as the Fool had before, he touched a land far to the south. 'Home,' he said. Then he touched an inlet on the coast of that land and said, 'Clerres.'

'Your school,' I guessed. 'Where you wish to return.'

He paused, head cocked, then nodded. 'Yes. Our school.' He gave me a sad look. 'Where we must return. That what we have learned may be recorded. For others, yet to come. Very important this is.'

'I understand.'

The Black Man looked at me kindly. 'No. You don't.' He studied the map again, and then, as if speaking to himself said, 'The letting go is hard. Yet, this you must do. Both of you. Let go. If not, you will make more changes. Blindly. If, because of him, things you do make changes, what comes of them? No one can say. Even a little thing. You bring to him bread. He eats. If you do not bring this bread, someone else eats it. See, a change. A little change. To him, you give your time, your talk, your friendship. Who then does not receive your time? Hmm? A big change, maybe, I think. Let go, Fool's Changer. Your time together is over. Done.'

It was none of his concern and I very nearly told him so. But he looked at me so kindly and sympathetically that my anger died almost as soon as I felt it.

'Let us go back,' he suggested. I started to nod and then Thick broke into my thoughts.

Fitz? Have you finished yet? The Queen is still waiting.

I sighed wearily. I'd best go take care of it, and then beg some time for myself. I've finished. I'll bring the Skill-scrolls home with me this time. Meet me at the Witness Stones and help me carry them.

No! I'm eating raspberry tart! With cream.

After the tart, then. I felt a sudden sympathy for Thick's unwillingness to interrupt his meal to rush and find me. Prilkop had reached the end of the steps. He glanced up at me quizzically. 'I have to go back to my home for a time,' I told him. 'Please tell the Fool that I will come back as soon as I can. I'll bring more food then, fresh fruit and bread.'

Prilkop looked alarmed. 'Not through the portal stones? So soon? Not wise is that. Foolish, even.' He made a beckoning gesture at me. 'Come to Prilkop's home. A night, a day, a night, a day, and then go back through the stones. If you must.'

'I fear I must go now.' I did not want to see the Fool or talk to him again until I had found a way around all his arguments.

'Changer? You can do this? You have done this before?'

'Several times.'

He came back up the steps toward me, his brow lined with anxiety. 'Never have I seen this done so often, so close together. Be careful, then. Do not come back too soon. Rest.'

'I've done this before,' I insisted. 1 recalled how I had been in and out of the Skill-stones with Dutiful on that long ago day we fled the Others' beach. 'Do not fear for me.'

Despite my brave words, I wondered if I were being foolish in going through the Skill-stones once again. Whenever I look hack on that moment, I wonder whatever possessed me. Was it the press of hurt that the Fool had taken our link away? I truly think not. I think it was more likely too little sleep for too many days.

I climbed back up the steps to the Skill-pillar. The Black Man followed me anxiously. 'Sure you are? Sure of this?'

I stooped and took up the necks of both bags. 'I'll be fine,' I assured him. 'Tell the Fool I will be back.' I gripped the necks of both bags in one hand. I opened my other palm wide and pushed into the pillar- I stepped into a starry night.

THIRTY-FIVE

Resumption

Fate took a final swipe at me. That is how I have come to think of it. Perhaps the gods wanted to reinforce Prilkop's warning to me. I felt a very mild surprise. I saw eternal blackness and a scattering of lights of various brightnesses. It was like lying on my back on a tower top and staring up into a summer night- Not that I thought of it that way at the time. At the time, I drifted through stars. But I did not fall. I did not think, I did not wonder. I was simply there. A brighter star there was, and I was drawn to it. I could not tell if I got closer to it, or if it approached me. I could not have told anything, for while I was aware of these things, they did not seem to have any significance. I felt a suspension of life, of interest, a suspension of all feelings. When at last the star was close, I attempted to fasten myself to it. This act did not seem to involve any will or intention on nay part. Rather it was like a smaller drop of water starting to blend with another one close by. But she plucked me free of herself, and in that moment of her considering me, I once more came to awareness of self.

What! You again? Are you really so intent on remaining here? You are far too small, you know. Unfinished. There is not enough of you to exist by yourself here. Do you know that?